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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My husband and I never wanted children. I dislike children and the thought of being pregnant. He is fine with them but prefers not to have any of his own. We have always used condoms. I have never used any other kind of birth control. I do not want the side affects of pills or any risk of surgery, and would prefer to just get an abortion if when needed. I am ok with abortion but my husband is not. Although neither of us want kids, he would rather keep the child than abort it. So abortion is not an option for us because he would be resentful and it would probably destroy our relationship. I, on the other hand, will never have kids or be pregnant. I despise the idea. But I respect him and his views. He in the other hand, wants me to go on pills. I have explained to him countless times that I don't want the side affects or go through the trouble of finding the right one. My health is not up for it either. But he is stubborn and selfish IMO. Now that we are married, I suggested that I get a surgical procedure that prevents pregnancy permanently. So neither of us will never have to go through what we cannot bear. However he is extremely uncomfortable with the idea. He has always disliked plastic surgery and and kind of body alteration. But I think he is being selfish by not giving me an option. It is an excellent compromise in my opinion if he does not want to face abortion and I do not want to ever be pregnant. He agrees that my suggestion makes sense but admitted he still feels doubtful or resentful for some reason. Any suggestions? We have discussed all of the above openly with one another. I understand his views but it makes me angry that he is only thinking of his wants while I am researching a solution to protect OUR marriage for life.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 June 2017):
 It sounds to me like your husband is not 100% sure he never wants to have children. He loves you and wants to be with you but a small part off him seems to still want a family. It is your body and your choice, but please get surgery before you think it is okay just to abort a baby because you didn't use enough protection.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (22 June 2017):
Your husband wants children but the price for being with you is that he says he doesn't want them. He doesn't want to have surgery himself because he figures if things so south with you he may someday meet a woman who does want children. He doesn't want you to have a tubal ligation because he hopes you'll change your mind as you get older. This is nothing like plastic surgery or "body alteration."
Tubal ligation these days is cheap and quick. As you do not like children and you are 100% sure you don't want them ignore your husband and have one done.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (22 June 2017):
 A better way to solve this "problem" is for him to get a vasectomy
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 June 2017):
 Just for the record : tubal ligation , and tubal implants , do not guarantee 100% success. There is still a ( small ) risk of becoming pregnant after the procedure.
5 out of about 1000 women will become pregnant after 1 year from tubal ligation. And after 5 years, it goes to 13 out 1 out of 1000 women.
Tubal implants , about 1 out of 100 women will get pregnant within 2 years from the procedure.
The percentage og failed vasectomies resulting in pregnancy is instead a paltry 0,04% % ( and mostly because people did not waut for the prescribed sperm tests before resuming having sex ). So, it makes more sense that HE gets operated.
P.S. The body is yours to do what you want with it, and you know what you are comfortable with, so I don't mean to try and change your mind about the operation, but, I am just curious : why are you so against at least giving a try to BC pills ? How do you KNOW you will have side effects ? It's far from a given. I know a few ladies who suffered some very unpleasant side effects, true; but I know many more who had zero side effects, or very mild side effects, like gaining 6-7 pounds. Personally I'd rather live with a little fat on my stomach, that with scars from ELECTIVE laparoscopy... Just saying.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2017): at first I thought like Youwish about him having a vasectomy instead but you seem to be the only one sure you dont ever want kids and he seems anti making that "never ever" committment. get the surgery done with or without his support.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 June 2017):
 Tubal ligation is a small procedure these days. If you get a full hysterectomy it's a much bigger surgery and has way more effect on your body and recovery.
And with YOU getting a tubal ligation the "responsibility" of NOT getting pregnant and NOT having an abortion is removed.
I don't think it's up to him to decide if you "can" have a tubal ligation or not. YOUR body, your choice.
He doesn't sound like he is 100% sure about NOT having kids which are why I suggest YOU get the tubal ligation if YOU are 100%.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (22 June 2017):
 Your body, your choice.
I think you should still talk to your doctor about birth control before ruling it out. However if you want a permanent option, go for it. Your husband isn't being selfish, but he isn't being realistic either. Keeping a baby when you didn't want it isn't fair to anyone, especially the baby.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (22 June 2017):
 Your mind is made up on the fact that you will never have a child. this is your right , it is your body and if you don't want to have the pill and I do agree with why you don't so the only other thing for you to do is for you to have your tubes cut , much better and safer that an abortion and as we don't know where you live to have an abortion it would have to be done in a short time but if you did not know you had become pregnant until it was to late you then could not have an abortion, so for you to be fully happy I would say to go the way you said in your post , now to your bf , you use condoms , which are a good but not 100% way to prevent getting pregnant , which was the way I and my wife went but we did not want to never have children , just wanted the first few years just us together and have kids after , we had five years with out kids and then a condom did not work as my wife found out she was 24 weeks pregnant , we would not have went down the abortion road even if we know in time I think , but if it happened in the first year of being together we might have , I can't say now , we become happy to have our first baby , and my wife when she had one she was against having just one so a second was planned , that ended in miscarriage , worst day of our life and my wife became desperate to have the second baby , at which time I was having more sex then I ever had and it was getting to the point of I thinking no you don't want sex again tonight , sex became a nightmare until the second baby was underway , then our sex life went back to normal , I think you bf might not be 100% with you on the no babies ever and might have a little part of him that thinks you may change at some stage as you have time on your side and many women are having their first baby later in life now , it might never be enough to split you to up , but he might like to keep his options open , in this he has the right even though it would be an easy surgery for him than it is for you , but some men are against it , he might be like many men and think even a wax is to much but they demand their woman to have their hair waxed , So for you I think you would be right to get the surgery as soon as you can, as you are against kids for ever.
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (22 June 2017):
 Is it possible that he hasn't completely given up on the idea of having children? This is the only thing I can suggest as to why he would be against it. He obviously wants the option to remain open. If he was that against it he would be pushing for a solution to prevent it as well.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 June 2017):
 Why is it that you are the one to have the surgery?? A vasectomy for him is much cheaper and much more non-invasive than tubal ligation (your surgery).
Stand your ground with the pills. Those things mess with sex drive and have some side effects that are more pronounced in some women.
Tell him that you'll make the appointment for him, and that he'll be in and out, same day, and snip-snip he's done.
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