A
male
age
36-40,
*luesheets
writes:Hi there, I'm an out gay man and have known my boyfriend for 8 months and been with him 6 - he was in the closet when we got together and is still partly so. He recently came out to his parents and has said during every conversation on the topic that as long as his parents know, he's not fussed about anybody else. He told his brother and best mate on holiday beforehand, and another mate afterwards. There has been no negative reactions so far. He came out to his parents after I expressed unhappiness in our relationship due to the majority of people in his life not knowing about me - he hit the nail on the head when he said "you're (me) not a part of my (his) world". I've yet to meet a single friend or family member who knows of me. He's constantly asking me to move in, and it's very imminent, however I've said I can't move in until the closet is closed. Everyone in his life is very connected to one another. He's living a lie and I can't be part of that. He told me his business partner was "next on the list" and despite our conversations and him seeing his mates most weeks, nothing is moving forward. I'm constantly feeling shoved back in the closet, like a convenience boyfriend. I told myself a month ago to reasses and go from there - nothing has changed since then so I'm asking for a touch of guidance. Do I conform this issue again, or leave it as is, or get out of the relationship? Thanks
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 June 2017):
 I know for some men it is really hard to come out and face who they really are. If you really want to be with him then be patient and work with him, if you are unsure then it might be best to let him go.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2017): Maybe you helped him take the very 1st step of coming out but you are not necessarily the love of his life, did you define your relationship ? Are you proper boyfriends or just going with the flow ?
How's his emotions to you?
It's not all about sex in relationships, straight or gay, love and emotions are big part of the deal.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (22 June 2017):
The problem with dating someone who is in the closet is that it drags you into the closet with them. Do you care for this guy enough to continue to be his dirty little secret? If not tell him the price for being with you is that the two of you are going to be out and open as a couple. If he's not willing to do that tell him sayonara.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 June 2017):
 Ahh, he's a business owner. I think that's the source of his hesitation and slow-movement. You didn't mention what his business was, and being that I don't live in the UK, I don't know what society's temperature on same-sex couples are. I do know that there are still some homophobic parts of the US, where a business owner would be very nervous to lose his livelihood if his or her sexual orientation or personal life were to cast any sort of issue with his client base.
He's out to his parents and brother, right? If he's talking about moving in with you, I'd tell him that he needs to INTRODUCE you to his parents first, just like you would any couple who is getting serious. You've been together for 6 months, which is still qualifying as a new relationship, and, straight or gay, many people aren't talking about living together this soon. People are only just starting to break out the "L" word about now.
My brother-in-law came out to his parents and my husband (I knew prior to that), and it took him at least a year or so to introduce his partner to them. Stuff with families needs to be delicate and takes a little bit of patience. He is coming out to them, so he's doing it and won't be able, and I'm sure he's not going to say that you're his "roommate" now that they know.
As for telling his business partner about you, I would not make that a requirement. Many people are very private and are very clear not to mix business and personal life, especially if they own a business, which can be so engulfing that any private time away is cherished and protected vehemently.
Be patient with him, and stick to your guns about being part of his personal life. His friends and parents should know of you before you move in together. Business associates I wouldn't hold the line to though in terms of that.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 June 2017):
Ahh, he's a business owner. I think that's the source of his hesitation and slow-movement. You didn't mention what his business was, and being that I don't live in the UK, I don't know what society's temperature on same-sex couples are. I do know that there are still some homophobic parts of the US, where a business owner would be very nervous to lose his livelihood if his or her sexual orientation or personal life were to cast any sort of issue with his client base.
He's out to his parents and brother, right? If he's talking about moving in with you, I'd tell him that he needs to INTRODUCE you to his parents first, just like you would any couple who is getting serious. You've been together for 6 months, which is still qualifying as a new relationship, and, straight or gay, many people aren't talking about living together this soon. People are only just starting to break out the "L" word about now.
My brother-in-law came out to his parents and my husband (I knew prior to that), and it took him at least a year or so to introduce his partner to them. Stuff with families needs to be delicate and takes a little bit of patience. He is coming out to them, so he's doing it and won't be able, and I'm sure he's not going to say that you're his "roommate" now that they know.
As for telling his business partner about you, I would not make that a requirement. Many people are very private and are very clear not to mix business and personal life, especially if they own a business, which can be so engulfing that any private time away is cherished and protected vehemently.
Be patient with him, and stick to your guns about being part of his personal life. His friends and parents should know of you before you move in together. Business associates I wouldn't hold the line to though in terms of that.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (22 June 2017):
 How does he propose to keep you secret from his family and friends if you move in together? Is he proposing to pass you off as a room=mate or just keep you hidden?
I do think you need to give him chance to get to grips with this. He has only recently come out to those closest to him so has lived the rest of his life with this side of him being kept secret from others. His family and friends will have built up an image of him which is about to be changed. He is worried. The majority of people will react well (either positively or completely neutrally - to most a person's sexuality is no big deal these days). However, actually telling people is obviously still a bit scary to him.
We are all different and you really should not expect him to do this at a speed which YOU see as appropriate. However, YOU are entitled not to be kept a secret, so you need to decide how long you are willing to give him.
Perhaps you could discuss different ways of making his family and friends aware? It is not necessary to actually TELL people. If he just turns up with you and it is obvious you are together, then most people will just accept this. The ones who truly care for him will just be happy HE is happy.
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