A
female
age
30-35,
*ucker4love90210
writes:I was in a long distance relation for about 2 years.. I really fell for this guy however he was so mean to me. We always argued and he would make me feel so low. However we did have some good times bt the bad definitely outweighed the good. To sum it up, I suffered from a lot Of verbal abuse from him.. After 2 years of phone conversation and texting and video chat we finally decided to meet face to face.. (we planned several other times b4 bt it never went through because of arguments.)So he drives the 5hours to me and we meet and have sex then he has an extreme family emergency so he has to turn around and go home. I was crushed. It totally ruined us connecting more bt I had to understand that family comes 1st.. So a few days after we meet he calls me and tells me never to call him again and he's done with me.i was devastated. I never knew what went wrong. We literally were only physically together maybe 3 hours. He never told me y or anything..I never felt that much pain. Ever. I feel as though I dedicated so much time to this person, always fighting for our relationship and finally we meet after 2 years and he leaves me... Well 4 months later he calls to c how I'm doing and I end up driving to go visit hoping maybe I can get some closure so that I can move on.. He basically ruins my vacation and told me he could never be with me and that he would only b willing to have sex with me.. He cursed me out because I wouldn't give himMoney and I haven't talk to him since.. So it's been a yr since we broke up and I seem to always think of him. I don't know why I can't shake him off. Is it because I never knew y he left me.I have dreams about him. Everything reminds me of him. I miss him even though all I have is bad memories.he painted this fairy tale lifestyle that supposedly he wanted with me bt when things got real he left. Idk what to do, I just want to forget I ever met him. How do I move on. I no I still have a lot of love for him despite all the horrible things he's done to me. I'm sad because how he did me bt I'm more depressed because I don't want to love him and I want to forget about him but I can't.. What am I supposed to do? I can't call him js because his voice makes me want to cry? What did I do to deserve this? I pray to God to get me through this.out of no where ill find myself crying because I did love this person and he hurt me so bad. My self esteem has gone so low because of him. I just want all of this to go away and I want the old happy me back
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broke up, crush, depressed, long distance, move on, self esteem, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2012): It sounds like some fantasy you serrated with this guy, and became a door mat for him.
A
female
reader, Sucker4love90210 +, writes (29 November 2012):
Sucker4love90210 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks you everyone. Your so right! I no I need professional help
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (28 November 2012):
 We do understand that you can develop feelings for someone if you meet them online, of course you can. But you cannot have a TRUE relationship, because true relationships require physical intimacy (not just sex, but closeness...that feeling you get when you hold hand, touch each other etc). You had a strong like for this man, but it could never be more than that until you met in real life.
I know that is hard to understand when you are hurting, you feel like you were in a real relationship but you dont want to accept that in reality, you wasted 2 years on a glorified penpal who never had feelings for you. He was someone you WANTED a real relationship with, and when it came to what should have been a great day when you met him, instead he used you and left.
Why did he drive for 5 hours? Some men will do ANYTHING for sex. Yes it is pretty stupid, after all he could have gone to a bar and picked up any woman he wanted, but he was clearly bored of talking to you after 2 years and perhaps he thought the easiest way to get rid of you would be to have sex with you, then dump you saying all he ever wanted was sex.
He is just a coward who couldnt admit that when you were talking online he didnt want to continue, so the easiest way he could find to get out of the relationship was to sleep with you then run. Some men are cowards and treat women badly - unfortunately you have just met one of them.
Pick yourself up and move on, you have learnt your lesson now look to the future.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 November 2012):
 So you fell for a guy that was mean to you on the computer? Do you really think so little of yourself that you think all you are worth is some mean guy from a distance?
HE didn’t make you feel low, you made yourself feel low by taking his verbal abuse.
You were a mere 5 hour drive apart and did not meet for 2 years. Know why? Because this abusive man (he was abusive to you based on what you said) was NOT really interested in YOU.
If my boyfriend was 5 hours apart we would have seen each other from the beginning at least once a month or more. As it was my now husband and I were a 2 hour drive and we saw each other 3-4 nights a week while we were LDR… every weekend. LDRS that are within driving distance of each other that say we don’t see each other are faux relationships at best.
There was no family emergency you know. HE came, he got laid, he left. He got what he wanted… he was horny enough with no local prospects so he was willing to drive 5 hours to get laid.
Good for you for not having sex with him when you went to see him, but to be honest did you expect otherwise? He came he saw you, he fucked you, he left… then four months later he calls for more sex… and when you went to him and didn’t give it to him he abused you. What a lovely fellow he is.
And this happened A YEAR ago and you are still suffering? You didn’t BREAK UP honey you were never really a couple… he was a ONE and DONE user and abuser…
YOU MISS HIM? WHAT exactly do you miss??? I think you miss the illusion of being in love. I think you miss the idea of belonging to someone. I don’t think you MISS HIM. HE was mean. HE was an abuser. HE was not what made you happy. What made you happy was the IDEA of being loved.
What can you do? Block his numbers. Block his facebook, block his email . MOVE ON LIKE HE is DEAD TO YOU. Because he is. There is nothing there with this loser. IF you need to get some counseling with a professional do so…. It can help.
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A
female
reader, Sucker4love90210 +, writes (28 November 2012):
Sucker4love90210 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank everyone for your answers. I really appreciate it! Some people don't understand that although you are in an LDR it is still a relation. Your feelings are involved. You begin to care for a "stranger". It may not be your ideal relation or society definition of a relation bt my feelings were very much involved therefore I believe it was real. What I will never understand is y someone who lives in such a big city would drive 5 hours just for sex?
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (28 November 2012):
I'm really sorry to tell you this, but an online relationship where you have never met before in person IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP. It is just chatting online and over the phone, a real relationship is very different.
You do know why he left you (if you can call it that - he met up with you for sex and then left, that's hardly breaking up) - he only wanted sex, got sex and went home. There was no family emergency, he made it up - IT WAS A LIE. He didnt want to be with you, he only wanted sex so after he got what he wanted he could go home.
You said from the start he was always mean to you and he made you feel low, he has been honest from the start - he never loved you, never had romantic feelings for you and never wantes to be more than pure sex. If he had feelings for you then he would have been nice to you, he would have wanted to meet up much faster than 2 years.
You have fooled yourself, clinging onto a guy who has never shown he was interested in you. You know the reason why he ended this so called relationship - he wanted sex, he got sex, he doesnt need you anymore.
Keep reminding yourself of the bad times, keep reminding yourself he only wanted sex from you and remind yourself that he is in fact a bad guy, not someone you want to be around.
You havent done anything wrong to deserve this, you have just learnt a valuable life lesson. Dont get involved with men that are mean to you from the start, dont allow yourself to continue with men that make you feel low. Tell yourself you deserve a man that loves you and treats you well, dont settle for a man that treats you like crap. And dont allow yourself to get involved with LDR's that you have never met, wait until you meet someone in real life so you can make a better judgement about them.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (28 November 2012):
 First of all, I feel badly for you. I have been in several long distance relationships and they are difficult. I think you already know one of the mistakes you made....meet ASAP. It can save alot of heartache and trouble! When dating online, you see and hear exactly what the person wants you to see....but they can be hiding almost anything. You know what they want you to know. In person they could be NOTHING like what they portray online and on the phone.
I had a long distance relationship with a man from Japan. We talked for 6 months, used webcam, talked on the phone. He SEEMED like a nice guy, but I wasn't too sure how I felt about him and didn't have a strong attachment. All of a sudden, he told me that he had booked a flight and was coming to see me. I lived in Ohio at the time. I was like "Um ok.." I mean, he was coming like 5000 miles to meet me. It was a DISASTER from the start. We pretty much took an instant dislike to one another. It was 5 of the worst days of my life. I'm sure he wasn't happy either. Long story short...don't hold off too long to meet if you ever get in an online relationship again.
As for your pain...you've got the let go. Its the only way you are going to be able to move on. Accept that you got involved with a jerk, he used you and then threw you away. It happens sweetheart. Most of us have been there. When you start thinking about the happy times, remember what he did to you..how badly he made you feel! Every time a good memory pops up..pinch yourself if you have to and think "but yeah...what about when he did??? (Whatever mean thing he said or did). Stop thinking about the good, remember the bad until when you start thinking about him you just feel disgusted!
You are still in "fantasy" mode, romanticizing about what WASN'T! Snap out of it. The guy was a NIGHTMARE..not some romantic fantasy.
Time does help..I promise. Go out with your friends, your family, stop dwelling on what wasn't. Try to look at it like this..the guy did you a favor by showing his true colors the first time you met. What if you had went on another 2 years?? Be glad he's gone, be good to yourself and try going out with some men close to you..not online.
You're going to be ok..it won't happen overnight, but it will happen IF you let yourself heal. Stop opening up the wound, let it scar over. Go on with life..its too short to keep thinking about a douchebag that got away!
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