A
female
age
36-40,
*weetpoison
writes:3 years back i met this sweet guy through online.Hes very sweet, after 3 years of chatting i never expect i will fall in love with him and he told me he fall for me too. he always say im the sweetest gal he ever met he has my number and we talk and greet each other on special occassions. we talk everyday And we still talking presently like good girlfriend boyfriend. We never seen each other on cam and my problem is i showed him faked pic of me. But everything about me from my work, family and everything that happens on me daily i shared to him. Now im very confused cause i dunno what to do i really like him i feel like hes everything to me. But I cant tell him the truth that who I am because im afraid he will get mad and go away from me. help me what to do should i go away or should i pursue my plans to work hard, to pursue my career be pretty enough that he will like my look one day i will come to him and show my real me. Im single 23 hes 25 and i have future plans with him but i just dunno if he will like the way I am bcuz of the lies I did. Will he give chance to me to correct my mistake and eventually to be with me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2012): guys thanx for all the advices, suggestions and commentsBut still im confused...I know the relationship that i started with him is no worth at all but i am thinking to make it right..im afraid that giving up and moving on is my option without even trying to win him...I really like him and as time goes on i wanna try to fight for the love..we live only once so why not to try to make things better for ourselves..even in real life..bf gf cheats hubby wife fight and cheats i think that is more worst...we can never really say whats good to do in a relationship whether its fake or not without even trying to fight and understand it...im single no commitment at all..my only probs is the pic i showed to him 3 years back.
A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (28 November 2012):
 If you have seen him and he didnt see you show him. Maybe he dont want to see you. Like the others mentioned you both in a fantasy online love. You lied we all lie but if the pictures way off from your true identity. He wont really know until and if he meets you. He dont want to meet apparentlty. Tell him Like whitney houston Im every womañ
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): Come clean, and let him decide what he wants to do. If he never wants to talk to you again, just take it as a lesson learned the hard way and move on.
I also have to ask, why is it that you didn't show him your real picture? Are you feeling insecure about your looks, or is it you just don't feel comfortable posting your real picture online? If it's insecurity, then I suggest you fix whatever it is you don't like about your appearance so you won't be tempted to do it again. And if someone judges you based on a picture, they aren't worth your time anyhow. Anyone with half a brain knows you can't decide whether or not someone is attractive based on a picture, because it's a 2D image which is going to look different than the real life, 3D you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): Very unlikely you can sort this. Honesty and trust are two of the most important things in a relationship and you've lied about the most important thing, your IDENTITY.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 November 2012):
 I’m sorry but after 3 years online, never seeing each other on CAM, not sending pictures etc… it’s really NOT a relationship. It’s more of a fantasy.
He can’t “go away” from you because dear he’s not really WITH YOU. It’s a game.
How far apart do you two live, that in THREE years you have not met? Why does he not want to CAM with you? Do you talk on the phone?
I’m sorry but if you meet online and want to have a real relationship you need to be making plans (especially at your age) to be meeting face to face within a few months.
I also get the sense that if you are in the USA you are an immigrant since your English writing seems a bit stilted. So are you a transplant to the USA or did you use the USA flag by mistake (or was it on purpose for whatever reason you had)?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): I would definitely ask to see him on a webcam before you do anything. Because there is a good chance he hasnt exactly been honest either. You will only know that once you have seen him in real time. So start from there and only reveal your identity IF he is genuine. I smell a rat because most guys would not go for 3 years with just one picture of a girl. It sounds weird. So ask him to go on a webcam. If he gives excuses and wont show himself, then he is not who you think he is either. So i would start there and find out if he is genuine or not before you worry whether he will forgive your dishonesty. I have a suspicion he might have his own issues with this `relationship`.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (28 November 2012):
You cannot base any relationship on a lie. Proceed accordingly.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (28 November 2012):
You have to come clean and be honest.
Yes, you will risk this relationship, but if you meet him one day and he sees the real you without any warning that the picture was fake, then it will be over anyway. And what is weird, that you never even chatted on cam.. why? Why did you never really want to get to know each others faces?
You can't keep this going like this. As CindyCares said, just having an online relationship can be a great illusion that makes you feel good. But in the long run, you will need an offline relationship as well in your life.
If this ends, maybe that's the start of something new. If it doesn't, then the relationship will be stronger.
Learn from this. Be honest in the future. It is so vital for love to be honest.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): You are kidding, right?
You lied from the very first beginning, and now "I have future plans with him"?!
Seriously.
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A
female
reader, Jennifer P.  +, writes (28 November 2012):
 If it was the real love, he would never cared about your appearance or how pretty you are. But if one day he knows that's not your real picture but the fake one and he dumped you, I recommend you to let him go because the gentle and real man will never cared about your look.
But if I were him and one day you told me the truth, I was potentially shocked. By the way, if you're really honest to him, I believe that he will give you a chance to make it right :) Believe in yourself and proud to be who you are.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): You can't "fall in love" with a guy you have never met or even seen in person and therefore literally do not know except for what he's told you, which you have no way of verifying. You showed him a fake picture, everything he has told you could be lies.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 November 2012):
 To be honest, if somebody would play me a trick as you did to this guy,no I would not forgive him. I'd take it as a red flag and the sign that the person is insincere and manipulative, and very willing to lie in order to get what he wants. Oh sure, it's just a pic, and you only did it because you wanted to make sure he'd liked you. Well, to me that's not that different than if you had been married , and you had declared yourself single in order to make yourself more acceptable. Even if I wanted to be very charitable and chalk it up to insecurity , well, someone who is so insecure that could not find the guts to come clean in 3 years, .. is way too insecure and that would be a major turn off.
Then again, if he too never showed you his face in 3 years , so there's something fishy here, and he must have his own reasons ,that he did not share with you.
Frankly, I find already peculiar that two people can have a " relationship " without ever meeting in person in all this time, imagine without ever seeing each other's real likeness. To me that sounds more like a comforting fantasy, not a relationship- the IDEA that there's someone out there to you. Maybe you both have reasons, rational or irrational, to keep it this dreamlike way, so , if it works for you,.. it would not really matter what you two look like.
I'd still be very curious to know why in 3 years he can't show his face to the woman he supposedly loves.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (28 November 2012):
 I strongly suggest you stop the fantasy world and show each other what you really look like. Get a webcam, or take some photos of the real you and put them out there. I wouldn't even mention the fake photo you sent him. People do change over time (haircuts etc)..but you need to show him what you really look like and take it from there.
I also recommend that you meet...soon. Three years is a very long time to be talking to a faceless person! You may not even like each other in person, there's always that chance. People in person are not always like what they are on the internet/phone. You need to find out what each other is really like.
I hope it works out for you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 November 2012):
 How long ago did you show him the fake picture? If it was at the beginning of getting to know one another, such as 3 years ago, then don't worry about it. When you first meet a stranger online you don't always want to show a real picture of yourself, in order to protect your identity. But now, as you are getting closer, it might be time to take that step and show each other what you truly look like, through chatting on a webcam. He hasn't shown you what he looks like either, and without taking this step all you have is a fantasy. You need to see each other in order to be actually in love, as for now you just like the idea of one another. A person is very different in real life too, even if you have live webcam chats.
Meet him before you make any love declarations.
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