| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: A few months ago I went on a few dates with a man who then abruptly told me he didn’t want a relationship of any kind and seemed to disappear off the face of the earth. He works locally and I used to pass him regularly on the way to our respective jobs, but I’ve not seen him at all since then:Yesterday while walking to work, I saw him coming the opposite way. I smiled and said hi as he approached, only for him to give me a filthy look and look away. Today the exact the same thing happened again. It’s frustrating me as I’ve done nothing wrong. We’d only been dating a few weeks but had stopped to chat to each other a fair few times prior to that which is what led to us dating. We hadn’t slept together but all the dates had been good. He was doing most of the chasing but knew I really liked him. It was odd that he ended things so abruptly but to now shun me like that a few months down the line is just bizarre. I wonder if I should say something if/when we cross paths again? There’s no need for any bad feelings Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2020): Sometimes we spend a little too much of our time lamenting on what people are thinking; or why they suddenly switch gears and turn on us. Sometimes they give a reason, and sometimes they don't. So, what are we to do when there's no explanation for their sudden shift in behavior, when we know we haven't done anything to deserve their mistreatment?
You learn to step-away and move on. If you pass him in the street, and he avoids eye-contact, or gives you dirty looks; shrug it off, and be on your way. Life goes on. You know you didn't do anything; so what are you so upset about? He's the weird-one in the situation!
You have lived life long enough to know people will not always explain things or apologize for their bad-behavior. It makes no sense to punish yourself over the unexplained. As long as he keeps his hands to himself, makes no rude comments, and remains a safe distance; all is well and good. Go your own way!
You've also lived long enough to know that life is full of mysteries; and you won't live long enough to solve them all. You are only guilty or responsible for any harm you're aware that you've done to someone; and if you are unaware of doing any harm, until they tell you what it is...just leave them alone, and don't sweat it. You're not a mind-reader. Unreasonable-people or passive-aggressive individuals punish you indirectly; and they get their satisfaction by causing you anguish. You can't always submit to their bad-behavior without even knowing what you've done to provoke them. You will find yourself tied-up in knots, if you don't learn to let these situations roll off your back. Maintain your poise and grace. Ignore him, and realize you can't control how people behave; but you can control yourself, and your reactions to their behavior.
As a Christian, I've learned that there are people not meant to be in my life; although I invited them in. All of a sudden, without any notice; they up and no longer want to be associated. A pastor explained to me that God sometimes removes people, or will intervene in situations; and abruptly remove people for our protection. It could even be someone you consider a friend or a trusted-associate. You may not be aware of covert or hidden threats they may be plotting; or terrible secrets they are hiding. I was told to allow this to happen, and trust that if it happens so sudden without any explanation; it meant there may have been a hidden-threat that was pulled away from me. Let them go.
He's obviously not a good-person, if he would be so rude to you without a reason. He's a fool, if he would mistreat you without even telling you why. He probably has a few screws loose, and you should take a hint that he doesn't want any further interaction. Just move on, and don't be disturbed over things you have no control over. People will be people, and they will not always be nice or forgiving. You've lived long enough to know that too!
You're seeing a side of him that could have proven to be trouble in your life. Thank God for that!
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (26 September 2020):
 My gut feeling, based on what you say, is that he either (a) was already in a relationship when he started dating you and, once things progressed, got cold feet, afraid his girlfriend/partner would find out about you, or (b) he has since had a "better offer". Either way, he has no interest in staying on speaking terms with you.
It's rude of him and immature, but you cannot change that.
Be the bigger person and just learn to ignore him. He's not worth head space.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2020): He sounds extremely immature and childish even if he is in the same age group as you. He aughed you an explanation when he broke off but as I say he seems to be very naive. My advice like the others is just ignore him next time you bump to him in the street.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 September 2020):
 Should you say something ?... Noooo. You'd look like a fool; a pesky fool. This guy obviously does not want to have anything to do with you and, although I admit that it would not kill him to be a bit more gracious... the fact is that he does not owe you to be cordial and/ or to stay in friendly terms. You just went on a few dates, for whatever reason he decided he wasn't feeling it, AND he knows you liked him ( more than he liked you ).
Now, for one, he does not see the need / advantage in being socially acquainted with you ; some people ,when they cancel you from their dating carnet, also cancel you from their social carnet, which may feel harsh, but undeniably it's practical and saves a lot of time, and the fakeness of feigning interest for people about whom actually you couldn't care less.
Second, maybe this guy fears that if he is nice you could misunderstand and perhaps " get ideas ", so he choose to signal stony indifference.
That there may be " bad feelings " involved is a surmise of yours which most probably is not accurate. You don't necessarily need to have bad feelings toward people to decide you'd rather ignore them . Maybe this is a guy who dates around a lot, - and if he had to be chummy with all is ex dates , that would be complicated and time consuming.
I am not saying that that his behaviour is the most sensitive- just that it IS a thing, it does happen and it's not particularly bizarre, only new to your experience Finally, whatever way we choose to explain his behaviour,- why should you care ? I understand that it's a pinprick to your ego, but really it does not sound like something that should prey that much on your mind. If you meet this guy again , just ignore him too yourself and you 'll be even !
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (25 September 2020):
 I would not be upset by this, he sounds like a right berk.
One way to look at is you could think yourself lucky, you dodged a bullet. At least you found out now he's an idiot, and not further down the line one you were more involved.
Should you say something?. Absolutely not, I would not give him the time of day now. His reasons for ignoring you now are unimportant.
Forget about him now, if you see him on the street, just hold your head up high, look straight forward, and ignore the fact he is even there.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2020): NO.
Just ignore him the way he ignores you.
Not because it's a normal thing to do, but because you are just prolonging something that is really not there.
You two do not have ANY KIND of relationship.
Just leave it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 September 2020):
 I wonder if I should say something if/when we cross paths again?
Take a cue from him and PRETEND you don't know him from Adam next time you see him.
IGNORE him and move on with life. He obviously wants nothing to do with you so WHY try and be nice or civil?
He sounds like a dick.
You don't NEED him to like you or greet you or ANYTHING. He is now just some RANDOM stranger you went on some dates with that didn't work out. Personally, I'd be ELATED to write this person off. The way he is handling this should be a HUGE indication that he CERTAINLY wasn't right for you.
Don't waste time on people like that. Don't be "that" woman. The one who thinks we should all be friends with exes and sing cumbaya...
...............................
|
