A
female
age
36-40,
*ammye17
writes:Hi all, I need some advice and poitn of views. I feel so depressed and down right now.I have been married for about 5 years. I have a 4-year-old and an 8-month-old. We are in a rocky relationship because of what just happened recently this past Saturday. My husband (noncatholic-whose family is evangelist) authorized me to baptize our son in my catholic church just like our first born since I am catholic. The day of the baptism he stood me up. He said he was going to the baptism and 20 mins before the baptism he just told me he wasn't going and that's it. I felt horrible in front of my family and thruout the day. My family (brother, parents, sisters aunts and uncles) went back to my place for a luncheon and intimate celebration were my husband was and ended up drinking his way the rest of the night. Before leaving my sister, her husband (friend of my husband) and mother confronted my husband about his behavior. He kept on drinking and we had a serious argument where hurtful things were said. The next day after he woke up i tried to reason my feelings and how i felt..i felt unsupported and alone by the one person that i feel should be by my side but all i heard was how he felt and without acknowledgment of my feelings. he talked and i understood his side, i know it wasnt apropiate for my family to gang up on him and i told him how things should have been handled differetly. I have asked multiple opinions from my close friend (guys and girls) and they tell me i am right and that he is not being flexible given that i have been there for him. Its true, i tend to be offensive when i am mad but its a mixture if what ive kept up bottle up. Any advise or point of views will help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2020): I would be mad at him.Look you have every right to your feelings....Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. He knew about this party and let the planning continue and on the day of he throws a tantrum like a two year old? You guys need consulting asap...throwing a tantrum then getting drunk instead of talking about this way beforehand is wrong.He let his feelings fester then he exploded.This was not the time to do this.Get help you guys or get divorced.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2020): Religion is supposed to be about a person's strong and deep beliefs and values so I do not agree with being baptized to suit family and told what your beliefs are.I am, according to my parents, a Roman Catholic, but like many so called religious people they never went to church, never prayed, never read the bible, never followed the ten commandments, but when ill or worried they expect God to appear and solve their problem. My father had a huge flashy expensive funeral with horses and carts, done by a church he had never set foot in and had no interest in when he was fine. I find it all so fake and one sided.I have known various bible bashers who tried to force their beliefs on me, some of them have been totally unbalanced, obsessed, friendless because of how nasty and judgmental they could be, yet they would hide behind the religious bit as if they made it allowable to judge everyone as inferior to them.Reading the bible and praying are not much use to anyone.I once knew a minister's wife who would do a lot of things that she thoroughly enjoyed but always couch it as if it was done out of a religious act, a beneficial act of kindness.If she heard there were four parishioners who were living near her and she was put out that her daughter did not want to spend Christmas day with her and her husband,and she was desperate to make sure it was not just the two of them, she would sort out which person to go and visit or invite over for a few hours. But she would tell everyone it was out of kindness, because God told her to and all the rest. When the truth was that she could not bear a whole day of just her and husband. And if she heard there was a very old lady nearby who was totally alone and very lonely she would skip that one and go and visit the young family who had young playful children instead - the people who did not need more visitors.The people who would be fine if she did not go or invite them, as they had plenty of people already. But she would tell everyone it was a charitable act and act all holier than though about how generous she was about it.If you are not careful your beliefs and strong character will destroy your marriage. Whatever a person's religious beliefs are they have no right to force it on others around them.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 September 2020):
 I'd look at the half-full glass.
I think that if your husband is an evangelist, or an agnostic who comes from an evangelist family, he has been a very,very good sport in allowing your kid to receive a Catholic sacrament in a Catholic church. ( In fact, two kids ! ) He could very easily have said no, I don't want my son to be involved in the rites of a religion which I don't believe in. After all, like Code Warrior said, if you wanted to make 100% sure of having, and raising, a Catholic child- then you should have married a Catholic like you, rather than being unevenly yoked.
Your husband's consent was far from a given, although you seem to take it as such and as no big deal. For a Protestant , having a a baptised Catholic child- IS a big deal and I'd bet that it's something that at the very least felt weird to him, and he only accepted because he wanted you to be happy, not because he thinks it's such a great idea.
Well, he already gave his consent, now you are kvetching because he did not feel like joining a ceremony that for him is pointless mumbo-jumbo ?! Sure, he should have said it sooner , not last minute- but I think he is fully justified in not attending if he did not feel like it , it's not his faith, not his decision, not his wish, not his " thing ",- he let you , and your family, go ahead with it with no fuss, he just chose to not be part of the ritual : I think he was rather a gentleman, and now he gets flak from you and all your family ganging up on him ?!!
And what about his family ? Do you think that they have been deliriously happy aboutr this baptism thing, that they have not commented, not said anything to your husband, not felt hurt or annoyed ?...And for the second time, too. Poor husband, wherever he turns , he can't do right.
Plus, regardless of the specific issue you were arguing about ( his absence from the baptism ), I 'd really like to know how you let your sister, BIL and mother upbraid your husband in front of you. In his own house. For something that's none of their business, and at best it's between you and him. You say that your husband has not been flexible ?... I think he was very flexible, had it been me , and my home, I'd probably just have shown your relatives the door, sooner than you can say " Our Father who art in heaven " !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2020): Why are both of your kids baptized in your religion? You and your family sound pushy. Maybe your husband just goes along with whatever, expecting that people around him will respect him and since it never happens because people take and take until you stop them, then he snaps? I've seen it happens. I think it's super weird that BOTH of your kids were baptized in YOUR religion. You only mention YOUR family and friends, what about his? Where were they in all of this?Personally I wouldn't want my kids baptized in ANY religion until they are grown up and capable of choosing for themselves. I would make sure that they get exposed to both my husbands and mine and other beliefs as well. It's a question of education and respect.I wouldn't count on friends telling me the truth if i were you. I don't think anybody would dare tell you were wrong. You don't sound like a person who can take constructive criticism. That's why you have picked out a husband whom you can push around. Trouble is, even the push-overs have their limits. It just so happens that you have reached your husbands. But don't worry, things will probably just settle down the way they always do... and you will soon find your rut. But do you really want to live this way?Do you really think that it is ok that you and your family always get your way?You have chosen this man. By not respecting him your are disrespecting yourself.he is your primary family now. If it's not working, than leave him. Don't think that you and you're family are right just becaus eyou outnumber him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2020): It's natural to feel disappointed when your partner stood you up but it is foolish to make this a lasting issue.You love each other and you have made beautiful children together.You chose to follow the tradition of your family by giving him a Catholic baptism.Maybe you will continue this by sending the children to Catholic schools.However, there is no reason for you to divide the family over this.You don't know if your partner from an evangelical family felt like a fish out of water.Perhaps he was worried he would ruin the day by saying or doing the wrong thing.He probably drank a lot to hide his embarrassement.If you are to continue as a multi faith family You must allow your husband to make the decisions that are correct for him!It is wrong for different denominations of faith to divide a family.God saw fit to honour you both with children and hopefully your husband does what he can to provide and care for you all.But please don't try to make your husband feel like a social parahia because you have different religious backgrounds.If you both continue to live decent lives, then it is most likely you will make it to the kingdom of heaven where you will reconnect with your loved ones.It stands to reason that God is going to acknowledge the good that you have tried to do.In effect you just need a lack of evil to get there.Religions play a part in keeping people on the straight and narrow, but I personally can't believe that is the only criteria that could count.It really is more about living your life in a humane manner, without evil in your intentions or at least with remorse if you know you did wrong and caused damage to others.
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