A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I desperattley need help !!!! Basicly Iv really liked this boy and we only just decided to get together properly a few days ago.... He stayed over the night and I had amazing sex ... I wasnt nurvous I was happy I acully smiled when I woke up that morning whick is very rare! Then the next morning (I like a long cuddle and kiss after I first get with smeone especially after sex) So thats what I did. He then complained seriously "Youre so f**king clingy" I halfly knew what I did. But I didnt know I was THAT bad. Im just sometimes clingy without realising because Im scared Ill loose them because this is the third time I fell in love and its ended in tears again. I asked for another chance and he said hed think about it. Its been nearly three days and I cant be strung along like this anymore. If its painfull, I want it to be quick. Im so depressed aboout this and I need him back. I havent been this happy in a long time. I know Im halfy in the wrong. But I know I wasnt that bad as I sometimes am. But I wasnt happy in such a long time. My parents have gone away for 6 months and Im all alone in this house. I wasnt suppossed to be alone I was suppossed to be with my ex. But he dumped me after three years. For no reason. I feel in love with a guy when I was five. deeply. And I kept loving him untill the age of 18. Because I realised I wasnt pretty enough as I am in that type of area that think thats an essectional (small). I hurt myself. Ive been cheated on 3 times and been randomly dumped 4 times. After that, I thought I'd never feel love again but I did. Even though Ive seen him only a few times. But Ive fallen for him. He put up with my weirdness, my size, intrests etc. Please tell me what to say or do because I dont think I can keep feeling constant pain and sadness the second time. IM BEGGING
View related questions:
depressed, fell in love, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): It sounds like he's not on the same page as you and what he said was just nasty. I understand you like him but it sounds like he doesn't feel them same.
I know it hurts but by the sounds of it he used you for sex then when he was done he wasn't interested in the affectionate part because he just didn't want anything more from you.
In your post you put yourself down quite a bit and that isn't healthy. It doesn't matter what size you are you deserve to be happy and be with someone who feels the same. I think you have low self esteem and that makes you vunerable.
If you are craving physical affection, this isn't the way to go about it. It will just make you feel worse about yourself. This guy can't give you want you want and i think it's best to forget him.
Try being on your own for a while and concentrating on your own well being. You need to improve your self esteem and worth. Once you have that you will realise that you CAN be happy.
Get new hobbies and interests, go out with friends, anything. Having a boyfriend isn't the be all and end all.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): Sorry, agree with the others, this is NOT CLINGY.
He's an ass.
...............................
A
female
reader, KristenJ +, writes (14 December 2010):
This is one of the lamest excuses I have ever heard and a blatant attempt to place the shoe on the other foot and sadly it worked. It has you thinking that YOU were the one at fault and thus the one who is fretting and trying to correct this. Of course you were not being clingy. He just needed a way out. I am sorry you got such a lousy deal, other aunts are right to tell you you should have negotiated more but that doesn't negate the fact that this guy treated you appalingly and no way he deserves your affection much less any effort on your part to win him. IF you are feeling desperate to have him back after all this I can almost guarantee you that love has nothing to do with you. Abrupt rejection and clever guilt shifting are to blame and those feelings are only the result of him removing the prospect of a loving connection you were under theimpression lay ahead for the two of you which makes you THINK you want it even more. In any case you sound like a lovely person. Don't let one bad apple define or limit you. I can definitely say with confidence that it is his loss and not yours.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): I agree with harleygirl. Likely a part of it also is that guys are stereotypically less interested in cuddling than females are. Even husband will squirm away from their wives, feeling physically suffocated. It doesn't mean they don't love them. xD
In your case, you had every right to want to cuddle afterward; sex releases things in the brain and body that cause certain euphoria and often releases as emotion towards your partner. Women are thought to experience sex in a more personal, emotional way than males. That's why cuddling is a common "after" activity!
You're perfectly justified and he had it wrong with his completely hurtful lack of tact.
-Tante Victoire
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (14 December 2010):
 This guy used you for sex. When he got what he wanted, he wasn't interested in showing you the kind of affection you needed.
I would highly recommend NOT having sex in the first 3 days of a relationship. Keep sex out of the equation until you get to know the guy better. You had a boyfriend for 3 years that didn't work out. That means that apparently, the two of you weren't meant to be.
Don't let the guys who dumped you win by allowing your relationships with future guys to be affected by the breakups. Remember, sex isn't something to use to make the guy love you more or keep him from breaking up. It doesn't work that way.
If you don't give up quick sex, yes, you'll weed out the players and losers, like the guy who called you clingy was. However, you'll leave the door open for the keepers who will love you for you and that sex will be an expression of the love that is already there.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): Hi there
I agree with the other posters. This was not your fault. Wanting to cuddle with someone is not a bad or unusual thing at all and if someone can't handle that the mistake is probably with them.
However I cannot help myself but think it was not that particular thing but more your whole attitude he was talking about.
Of course I don`t know you so I can?t really judge whether you are the clingy type but from your message I get the feeling that you don?t like to be alone andthat you are dependent on other people's company quite a lot.
Now this can be a tricky thing. See if someone gets the feeling they are responsible for making you happy it can scare them. If they feel you can't really be on your own and literally NEED them it can create a feeling of suffocation and make them want to run away.
If this should be true it could also explain why men keep dumping you. If you don't leave a person enough room and air they will feel uneasy after a while.
I think it would be a very nice thing for you to do if you learned to take care of yourself and if you liked to be on your own sometimes and learned to make yourself happy.
Because that is YOUR responsibility and you cannot hold anyone else responsible for that job.
Then it will also become easier for you to find happy love.
Take care and I wish you the best of luck
...............................
A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (14 December 2010):
 This guy doesn't sound right. Cuddles are not cling, especially first thing in the morning, waking up after having just had sex the night before! That's affectionate, sure. Even cute. But not clingy.
You're a cuddly person and he sounds like the kind of guy that only wants to be touched when he's having sex. I've been in a similar relationship (me cuddly, her not) and it EATS at you to be unable to hold the person you love... this would NOT end well.
I know you're lonely, but it sounds like he's just not a good match.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): I agree with fishdish. Sounds like he's probably just using you for the sex, and the "you're so clingy" quote from him is just a reason for him to get away from you.
sorry if its brutal but its just the truth.
dont go searching for love, my dear.
get involved in other activities in school or maybe you can get a part time job somewhere (that helps you enhance human connection as you get to meet new people, & at the same time earn money).
you don't have to search for someone to love. he will come to you one day, regardless of your weirdness, size, etc.
all the best, love.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): I like it better when girls wanna cuddle and kiss after sex. Some guys don't like to cuddle but others of us do.
I think he is just using that complaint as an excuse to back off and he has some other actual reason. Maybe he feels it was too much too fast all around but I don't see why the morning-after cuddling is the big problem.
...............................
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (14 December 2010):
 pretty sure there's nothing you can do. how can you love someone who is disgusted by your affection? you should love someone who loves you back. he is not The One, he is a player who used you for sex. How many dates had you gone on with him before you had sex with him? I'm not saying it's fair, but guys feel they have license to treat girls like crap for girls who have sex with them easily, i think they associate low morals with girls more than themselves when they're engaged in the same activity. if i were you i would get into some other kind of after school activity so that you won't feel so lonely and you'll have human connections
...............................
A
female
reader, harleygirl2010 +, writes (14 December 2010):
 Honey this isn't your fault. Wanting to cuddle with someone is NOT clingy. I don't get how he saw that. Maybe he has never had some want to cuddle with him before and it scared him. I'm the same way with my man, I love nothing more than to cuddle. Have you tried calling him to talk about it? Be scared of losing someone is understandable. I don't think he should have said to what he said. It was wrong. I hope you can fix things and make him understand all you were doing was cuddling, not being clingy. Good luck.
...............................
|
