A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I dated a guy for two and a half years, lived with him for a while. The end was mutual, even though I still loved and missed him, he had met someone behind my back and wanted to be with her. That was 9 months ago and we have had no contact.I admit that the break up hit me hard, but I forced myself to get on with my life, although I haven't met anyone new.Three days ago he sent me a Christmas card. It was a special card he had picked saying I was in his heart and very special to him. He signed it 'lots of love' and with kisses.Like a fool, I phoned him to ask why he had sent it. He said again that we had known eachother for quite some time and that he often thought of me and wondered how I was. He reminisced about some of our happy times and I told him how upset I was but that I had gotten on with my life. He then said he was dating a woman who had two kids and that they were getting on really well??? (not the same woman he dumped me for)I cannot understand why he bothered sending the card, it made me feel really sad and I felt like an idiot for being weak and phoning him. I have never hurt him in any way so I know it's not revenge.Can someone explain why he would do that after so long??? I need some male thought on this kind of thinking.I thought I had moved on, now I feel back to square one.Please help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): This man is not over you. Either he is unable or hasn't internalized the concept being with one woman indefinitely. Perhaps r-ships are superficial to him, necessary but not permanent, and he is "good" at that and fears the "forever" part. A lot of people are this way.They never really know what/who they want, a terrible affliction. The odd thing is mentioning his current r-ship--this is incongruent with reconnecting with you unless he wants you to compete/win him back? because he can't make up his mind/needs the woman to make the decision for him..just guessing a bit..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): Maybe he wants to keep things open, but only out of his own interest. You are right you shouldn't have called him. He now knows you still care. Put it behind you. As much as you still have strong feelings for him he is not reliable and is more than likely to break your heart again if you let him.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 December 2010):
 I have no idea, he sounds like a jerk for doing that. Maybe he wanted to show off as a last stab at you. Either that or he's completely oblivious. I'd be mad at him, because that was low. Perhaps you should get in contact with this woman he is dating and let her know what a cute card her boyfriend sent you...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 December 2010):
He met someone behind your back, then left for this other woman. Within a few months, he'd left her for another woman. I'm betting he met this other one in the same way (met her behind this other woman's back). Now, just 9 months later, he's sent you a card presumably behind this new woman's back. And you're falling into the trap these other two fell into.
This guy is just after notches on a bedpost, and nothing else. He's going from one woman to another, to another, then back. And of course, if you allow this to happen, you'll get hurt all over again.
He'll probably cheat with you on her, then leave you.
Stop it now. Cut contact again and continue to move on. You and another woman are both nursing a broken heart. This new woman will be nursing a broken heart. I just hope you're strong enough not to go all lovey dovey and think that he'll change. He won't. Cut contact, save your heart for another day.
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