A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months now. Lately, I feel he has been acting distant. He is busy with work and school, so there are times we go 2 weeks without seeing each other, and I am understanding about that. But what frustrates me is that we hardly talk. He hates the phone so he never calls me. He may text me a few times a day, but only if I text him first. It is nothing for him to go almost 2 days without talking to me. I need opinions on if this is just normal guy behavior-especially because he is busy- or if this is him just not caring about me. Can someone give me some advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thought I should be clear and mention that it isn't his fault that we don't see each other that much. he works 6 nights a week and every weekend
A
male
reader, Neboraic  +, writes (18 August 2009):
In those two weeks, if he makes no effort to come and see you or to arrange something, then he doesnt care. If i were you i would stay away and see if he comes to you, put in the same amount of effort he puts in. See how often you see each other , that will tell you how much he wants you. If he doesnt make any effort, then you shouldnt, you should find someone else (at this point you have nothing to lose). I would use the verb "dump" but if you never see him, then he doesnt count as a boyfriend.
Another solution is to talk to him about this and see his reaction. Ignore the words and focus on the reaction. He may promise to make an effort. Just smile and nod, enjoy a week of him pretending to care, wait for him to give up on pretending and then silently disappear from his life (by not contacting him). By the time hes realised anything has changed, you may be with someone else.
PS, give him a fair chance to prove himself, ive already convicted him without trial but be sure he doesnt care before doing any of this. Some guys do like space. Dont contact him, see how much space he wants, if he doesnt contact you again, then you have your answer. This situation need be an angry one, may be its not his fault that he has lost interest.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 August 2009):
 I sincerely hope you are not sitting around waiting for him to text or call you. You need to take charge of your life and your response to him. This can go two ways, I think. One is that you realize he's just not as involved in the relationship as you are and you learn this early enough that you haven't sunk too much of your life and hopes into him, and you can escape gracefully. The other is that he wakes up and realizes he's setting himself up to lose you, in which case he starts nurturing the relationship with proper contact. I can't call which way it will go from here, and you may not be able to either.
My main point is this: you cannot control his behavior, but you can control yours. You are making yourself too available. I hate to suggest that you play games, but I think you need to demonstrate what an "unavailable" you will be like. I do not for one second suggest you run out and find another guy to cheat with. Nope, that is not it at all. What you want to do is present your company as being so desirable and your time as so valuable that you have to squeeze him into the little spare time you have for a relationship. You also want him to get the idea that you are fending off handsome, charming and wealthy suitors with grace, but that you are faltering a bit because he's not there to keep you company.
The result may be that he finds he doesn't particularly care enough to do anything. Or it may be that he gets anxious about the possibility of losing you.
So stop being so available. Stop texting him everyday. Let him know that you're getting really busy, and that he's going to have to make an effort to contact or see you. Then go out and BE busy. Make lots and lots of plans with friends and be very very vague about what you're doing and who you're doing it with. Don't answer the phone right away when he calls, don't text back right away.
You are young, beautiful, desirable and hot. You are not doormat, handmaiden, docile pet, mother or sister. This is the message you are subtly trying to get across to him. Head high, chin up, strong, capable, in control of your destiny.
This may wind up with him simply drifting away. But at least then you'll know he wasn't worth your time!
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks melonface! It helps to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this. Best of luck to you too.
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A
female
reader, Charlpop +, writes (17 August 2009):
 Since your relationship is 7 months, he might not be getting distant to you, he could be just taking your relationship for granted, so he might not feel he has to work on it as much as he used to, or as much as other things in his life right now.
I can understand your frustration and confusion, but he does need some space so make sure you're not being possessive, but you should try to see each other more.
Perhaps you could arrange days where you're together so you see each other more?
Hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): Hi there.Well. I'll just give you my point of view from a previous relationship I had. He worked alllll the time. It was ridiculous and I completely hated it, but he always made up for it because he would call/text me non-stop. We talked all day through texting basically, and when he had slow times at work, he'd call me.I'm a strong believer on, if a guy wants to talk to you, you'll know because he'll be calling you. I don't know how you put up with your guy, but I wish you the best of luck! :)
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A
female
reader, melonface +, writes (17 August 2009):
i'm going through the same problem with my boyfriend.he used to text literally loads, basically worship the ground i walk onnow it's all distant, never really talksi've even now been told to leave him alone, not to text anymore.personally i think some guys just want space, i think you should talk to him to be honest, good luck.
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