A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys on Sunday I split with my boyfriend of 8 months, the reason was he wasnt over his ex of four years and the mother of his child, he says he likes me but doesn't love me like he still loves her, anyway he said I can still ring him and go out for drinks and that we can still be mates, and that he still has feelings for me, I know we will never get back together because he said. Anyway yesterday I rang him after I finished work and spoke for about half an hour and then he's rang me about 3 times, in one of the conversations we where having a real good laugh and then he called me babe, and also mentioned we could be sex buddies for a while, do you think we should be sex buddies? I really still like him and often think about him, and would really like it if we stay good mates I also think he found it hard to get over his ex as she was always ringing him with her problems with her current boyfriend but when her and her guy were getting on fine they she hardly wanted to know do you think he still has feelings for meI also went down the pub last nite and he was there he came outside and talked to me gave me a hug and felt my boobsPlz any advice
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female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (27 October 2008):
 Hun, I can't emphasise this enough - no sex with the ex.
Your feelings will build up for him instead of dying down like they're supposed to after a relationship.
Please, please, please, realise your self worth and do NOT allow yourself to become his bit on the side. I'd have been very much insulted if I'd been asked to my ex's f*ck buddy after we'd just split up.
Don't let him do this hun.
Take care xx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): OK, step 1 is acknowledge that you are dumped. Dont go making any excuses that it is just the ex's problems or just that he feels obligated to the baby. You are definitely out. Sure, there are some people who have gone from being out to being back in but it is so small you should put it out of your thinking.
Next, is what you want to do with the information that you are out. You could be an FWB to him as long as you acknowledge that the situation going to be complicated will probably involve drama with the ex-ex when she finds out. Also it ties you up from meeting someone new who you can have a real relationship with.
My advice is acknowledge that it is over and be more choosy in your future boyfriends. You can be civil to the guy if you meet but there is no reason to "stay good mates". Thats just subconsciously trying to stay in his orbit you so can pick up the piece if the thing with the ex-ex breaks down again. A lot of women have wasted a lot of time doing that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): You should've felt Insulted that he wants to Use your body and never give you any Real love. You're not an inflatible doll! I'm trying to protect you from hurt & regret. Tell him you just want to be friends...you want a Real relationship...and that Man is our there Somewhere waiting to meet You.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): look i know you like him but if he is still in love with his ex but still wants to be sex buddies i think he is a bit unstable browse and chances are you will find someone ten times better and he will love you not just want the sex there is no point in being in any type of 'more than just friends' relation ship with him and your feeling for him will go away fast once you find someone else
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (16 October 2008):
 Why one earth would you allow him to voluntarily use you for sex (I don't care how amazing it is) when you already know he doesn't love you and is still hung up on his ex? Don't confuse sex with love. And don't make the mistake of thinking that because his penis is inside of you it means he "feels" something for you. He doesn't. He's just getting the benefit of sex without strings and you're being emotionally destroyed everytime you let him in. Give him his walking papers and don't accept his arrangements.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns +, writes (16 October 2008):
Why one earth would you allow him to voluntarily use you for sex (I don't care how amazing it is) when you already know he doesn't love you and is still hung up on his ex? Don't confuse sex with love. And don't make the mistake of thinking that because his penis is inside of you it means he "feels" something for you. He doesn't. He's just getting the benefit of sex without strings and you're being emotionally destroyed everytime you let him in. Give him his walking papers and don't accept his arrangements.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns +, writes (16 October 2008):
Why one earth would you allow him to voluntarily use you for sex (I don't care how amazing it is) when you already know he doesn't love you and is still hung up on his ex? Don't confuse sex with love. And don't make the mistake of thinking that because his penis is inside of you it means he "feels" something for you. He doesn't. He's just getting the benefit of sex without strings and you're being emotionally destroyed everytime you let him in. Give him his walking papers and don't accept his arrangements.
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A
female
reader, musics_muse  +, writes (16 October 2008):
I dont know about being sex buddies.
The first question you should ask yourself is, "What do I want to get out of this?" In other words, do you have feelings for him, as in, do you want to be with him? because if that's what you want, and obviously that's not what he wants, then youre just waiting for disaster to happen. it never ends up nice when one person wants something different from the other, yet they're still touchy feely. Things can get out of hand...unless you can somehow miraculously separate your feelings from him and just be f*ck buddies. Because ultimately the lines will blur and it will get confusing, and you might end up being more hurt in the end. Please think thoroughly before you do this.
If a relationship is what you want, then it's not good to be messing around with him, cause if something happens he won't be there for you. Youre better off cutting him off cold turkey, and finding someone else you deserve, who will care for you and would want to be with you. You shouldn't sell yourself short.
Best of luck!
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