A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Need some help regarding long distance romanceI had LDR with girl overseas - we were away from each other for 8 months and some personal issues/work came up and i coldnt return home and i told her that i could not see her, i have to stay in this country, so she she gave up, she said " i cannot wait forever". however after saying this she waited another further 7 months lol but then she eventually gave up, i apologised to her saying i did not mean to put her through this one day i will come back for her, she accepted this, she has kept me on facebook and msn and she still msg's me every few weeks, however i limit my contact with her because its painfull and i miss her very much. Few weeks ago she got a new bf it is a open relationship, we spoke about this, she still asks me about my love life, but i tell her nothing, she has not said if she loves her new bf but from what i can see on her facebook it seems like a happy relationship. It is at very beggining stages i know but im somewhat concerned she might fall in love with him and when i make it back i will loose her. She always told me that i was the only one she needed, we were planning on getting married, spoke about kids, the whole nine yards! I just wish i could change things and stay in her country (which is also my home country but i had to come overseas for work ) i plan on returning in a year maybe less, so what should i do? stay in contact with her? I notice she hardly comes on msn anymore, little things like that... Plesae im asking if anyone has been in this situation please put some input, or if any cupid experts can add what i should do, im lost here
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Im in the exact same situation with a guy,only difference is we have not talked really about our feelings or intentions, so i have decided maybe he does not want me to wait and so I started seeing other guys.
However in your case if you have made it clear to her that you have feelings for her and intend on comming back to her when you get back, if you have said those things to her, then you have done all you can do and you can do no more she has obviously decided not to wait.
I would advise you to get on with your life in that case and review the situation when you get back, she might has broken up with this guy or not by then, but for now you should move on.
Good Luck!
A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (10 May 2011):
 Its a pity you are a victim of "out of sight out of mind." She toys with your affections and at the first sign of a challenge, you are abandoned on the desolate emotional highway like a puppy. IT sounds also like you are expected to jump through all her hoops and make all the hard life changing decisions while she is free to skip through life at her leisure. People say lots of stuff over the phone and the computer in the moment, so it is important for you to guard your heart and not become so emotionally invested in that voice over the phone or that Font on the computer screen. Do you wish remain on this noble vigil for her mercurial affections? Do you hope against everlasting hope that when you make an irrational, life altering decision in her name, she will reward your obedience to her caprice with attention?Do not think that this new Boyfriend will not be joining you on the trash heap when he ceases to provide her with entertainment. Pardon my bluntness but you should think you deserve better than chasing this immature little girl around.
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A
female
reader, iwantanswers! +, writes (10 May 2011):
Well for one thing long distanced does not work and definitely not over sea's. It seems like she looked for someone in her area. You may not want to hear this but you MIGHT have lost her for good. The only way you will have her is going to her. It isn't such fun having long distance and you did say you haven't talked to her for a few weeks because the pain but how did she not know that she was probably thinking you moved on.
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (10 May 2011):
 Oh dear. I had an LDR like this. We had no timeframe as to when we would finally be together. He told me he couldn't wait forever as well, and he moved to a new city and found a new girlfriend. I was heart broken.But I realised that it wouldn't have been worth it anyway. If someone loves you, they will do everything they can to keep the relationship alive, not go and find someone else. I learned that this guy didn't love me, because me being so far away was an "inconvenience" so he went for a more convenient option.I just so happen to be in another LDR (just my luck eh). We have no exact time frame as to when we'll close the distance (maybe in the next 6 months?), and I was pressuring him into giving me a time otherwise I would leave. But after lots of tears and lots of talking to him about it, I realised that I honestly don't want anyone else, because no one compares to him and even though he's so far and he's in the distant future, I'm willing to wait however long it may be.To be honest, I wouldn't hold out hope that she will break up with this guy. Please just continue with your life, occupy yourself, do anything you can to keep your mind off her and limit your contact with her. And I guess, if the timing is right, and you come back home and you're both single, then you could possibly get back together. But don't waste your time on her, because she's not wasting hers on you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 May 2011):
 I think you need to accept that this is one of those LDRs that is not going to survive distance. It's all too common.
She's moved on and I think you need to let her go.
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