A
female
age
36-40,
*nuggles84
writes:please help me... im completely devastated, but im sure you get a few of us... i was seeing a guy. which i only lately found out that he had a gf of 8 yrs, and then he explained to me that he wanted to leave her but couldnt in his attempts cause she said she would kill him and then kill herself, so i left it despite my uncontrollable feelings for him (i feel that he is the one) and anyway, after 4 months, he has conacted me and told me that he misses me, and it will only be a little while till we can be together.. what the hell am i suppose to make from all this??i am truly deeply in love with him, and i want to be with him.. what do i do???signed Confused.. :(
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female
reader, SoCalSexyD  +, writes (11 March 2009):
 If you only been dating him for few months and already feel devastaded then theres something wrong. You shouldnt feel this way, When Hes the One. Im unsure of how old you are, but when I was 16, I married a guy who I said, was the One. I only dated him 6 months and ,He turned out to be a bad husband and a horrible father. He left Me with two girls and found himself a girlfriend . Promises and Marraige mean nothing! Make sure you know him. Who he really is? What he's about? The only way to know someone is with Time. Obviously in your situation hes not giving you that option because he still needs to deal with his past relationship. Dont sit there and wait for that to happen. He should of never jumped in another relationship before closing the one he was in. It seems to me he's playing you or not sure of what he wants. Let him go. Find someone with less Drama! There are plenty of good men out there give it Time, You will find one. Goodluck
A
female
reader, crimson_kiss +, writes (11 March 2009):
 Get out of this situation fast. Its not good for you in any direction. I would agree that if he wanted to leave her, he would have long ago regardless of the threats. YOU should not be subject to being in the middle of this or him treating you as a way out of it. If he wants to really be with you, then he will have to make the choice on what to do.
You have a choice...stay with him and deal with all this...or remove yourself, move on and be happy.
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A
female
reader, crimson_kiss +, writes (11 March 2009):
Get out of this situation fast. Its not good for you in any direction. I would agree that if he wanted to leave her, he would have long ago regardless of the threats. YOU should not be subject to being in the middle of this or him treating you as
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): don't beleive him he lied to you about her once! he's probably lying again! he just wants his cake and eat it too! theyv been together that long already chances are hes not leaving and its cause he doesnt want to! its just he wants a little fun on the side! ignore him youl find someone else! hes not the one for you hes hers.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): He wont leave her he wants to have you as a bit of extra excitement sorry if that upsets you but if he wanted you he would be with you.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (11 March 2009):
 Run away from him as fast as you can in my opinion! He has been with her 8 years, if he wanted to leave he would have done by now regardless of her threats.
That is a lame excuse for him to use, many men (and women) have used that one when in reality, they were never going to leave in the first place. While she may even make these threats to him, she probably wouldnt do it. If he really wanted to get out he could go to the house when she wasnt there, pack up his things and never go back. Change his number etc etc. There are ways out - he is just clearly happy where he is but wants a bit on the side too i.e. you!
Tell him unless he leaves her within the next month then you dont ever want to speak to him again. See what he does then - I bet nothing will change. At least that way it will show you that he has no intention of ever leaving.
You need to accept that this is just not a relationship that is going anywhere I'm afraid, and then you need to move on. I know how you feel when you think you have found the one and you cant be with them, it is the worst feeling in the world. Because you always hold out hope that one day you might get that chance to be with them, and you end up living your life just waiting around for that person.
Well believe me, that day will never come. I waited over 4 years for my ex to come back to me, and it never happened. Even to this day I still believe he is the one, I mean how can you be in love with someone for 4 years, when they are treating you badly, messing you around and them not be the one?
Eventually I just gave up. It dawned on me that he would never come back to me, no matter how many times he led me on or told me he loved me, he was just never going to commit to me. So I changed my phone number, deleted all memory of him and now I'm taking each day as it comes, day by day slowly getting over him.
The way I look at it is that while he is the one/could be the one for me, I havent met anyone else that comes close yet. So when that day comes (thats what I'm holding on to, the hope that one day I will meet someone just as amazing as my ex was) I will realise that this new guy is "the one" and my ex will fade into a distant memory. There is not just one person out there for you, there are too many people in the world for this to be true. I think that while you may have met someone you could have spent the rest of your life with, there will be other guys that you will feel this way about too. They might take a while to find, but you will get there one day.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): Ever hear the old saying what goes around comes around??? Well it's soooo true.. She may be crazy or he may be telling you what he wants you to hear.. There's always two sides to a story and you can't fault her because of what he says. He's already shown you he can't be trusted.. And you really have no idea about their relationship do you?? I'm sorry but you should move on and have nothing to do with him.. If he is the one as you say it will all work out. Maybe if and when he end his current situation you may have a chance but right now you're the "other woman" any how you look at it.. Answer this, would you like to be in her shoes one day? Honey trust me if he can do it to her one day he might do it to you..So my advice is to get out of the situation and place it far out of your mind.. If he is serious about you he'll end his relationship and come find you.. Only time can tell..Hope I helped.
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A
female
reader, masquerade711  +, writes (11 March 2009):
 If his girlfriend is truly threatening to kill him and then kill herself, she is a danger to him and to herself, so I can understand why he's hesitant to detach himself from her. Under normal circumstances (ie. if he couldn't leave her based on other reasons), I would say forget him. But since this is apparently the reason, I would advise that you at least hear him out.
If you think you are able to wait (and you want to), then give him some time to deal with the girlfriend. (But not too much time. I know it won't happen overnight if she has these issues, but it shouldn't take more than a month or so either.)
Make sure you take the time to look at the situation from all angles and make as much of an informed decision as you can. Good luck. :)
masq
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