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female
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anonymous
writes: If you love, deeply care for and are physically attracted to someone still shouldn't you be together? My live in boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me 2 months ago and now when we communicate he refuses to talk about it all anymore or even entertain the idea of giving it another go even though he says we'd be fine and happy if we were alone on a desert island together.What does that mean in terms of the here and now? Our relationship was always very passionate and we'd discussed marriage. Do we think he got scared or something? Help! this guy is messing with my head by sending very mixed signals.......He says I should move on yet says he's jealous when he hears I've been out. Surely he shouldn't be feeling like that? I've asked if there's anyone else but he says he doesn't want anyone for a long time and is renting a room with his long term single mates. What do you think agony aunts and uncles?
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (17 May 2006):
 Here ya go, my two cents. Your ex is just plain confused! Simple as is that. He wants his cake and the whole lot of it! Basically, I can tell you for now, that he really wants his freedom. But at the same time, hes trying to hold on to you by a thread just so he could have someone to fall back on if theres nothing better outside or if/when he realises he made a mistake. After all, hes been with you for 4 years. I suggest you cut this piece of thread and try to move on. If you really want him back, you'll have to do a reverse psychology on this guy. It'll probably work seeing as how he's so indecisive. Good luck.
A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (17 May 2006):
Here ya go, my two cents. Your ex is just plain confused! Simple as is that. He wants his cake and the whole lot of it! Basically, I can tell you for now, that he really wants his freedom. But at the same time, hes trying to hold on to you by a thread just so he could have someone to fall back on if theres nothing better outside or if/when he realises he made a mistake. After all, hes been with you for 4 years. I suggest you cut this piece of thread and try to move on. If you really want him back, you'll have to do a reverse psychology on this guy. It'll probably work seeing as how he's so indecisive. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, pinklady +, writes (17 May 2006):
 Hi.
I really do believe that your ex boyfriend still loves and wants to be with you. Right now, he needs space. This is why he will not discuss it. He wants to be left alone, while he sorts his thoughts and feelings out.
Personally, if I really wanted him back, I would give him the space he needs. The more you back off, the faster he will come back, and lets face it, you don't have much of a choice at the moment. Let him know you are happy to chat to him, or see him on a friendly basis, then let him come to you, but keep it friendly, let him make the first move after that. If you don't feel you can be friendly with him, then leave him alone completely, for at least 3/4 weeks.
Let me know how you get on.
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (17 May 2006):
 I don;t think he is sending you mixed messages at all.
He broke up with you. He doesn't want to talk about the relationship or the possibility of getting back with you. He wants to be single and live with his single mates.
The only mixed message that he is sending and really its not mixed at all is that he is seeming to get jealous when you go out. That is not uncommon. I broke up with a guy and I still feel the odd pang of jealousy when he talks about his new girlfriend. This doesn't mean that I want to be with him, it means that I am human and have emotions and instinctive feelings.
I think that you need to leave him alone for a bit and let him be single. That is what he wants so give it to him.
If you are meant to be, yes, you will get back together at some stage but for the moment leave him alone and get on with your life.
Don't chase him, it will make him feel like he has a stalker. Leave him be and get on with it. If he comes back, then you can decide what to do.
In the meantime, leave him be to sort it all out in his head. Hounding him to take you back is not the way to go at all.
Why would you want to force someone to be with you? Of course you wouldn't, so leave him to sort it all out and tell him to call you when he has it figured out and you can assess it all then.
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