A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok my bf of about a year and I have been going thru things. First off he really tried to break up with me ON our 1 year anniversary OVER THE PHONE I could not help but cry and plead for him (which I know was all based on instant emotions). We decided to see each other that day and when he saw me he decided he wanted to continue the relationship. However that night he was acting so distant with me we had our intimate time and the next day he was just so distant. Now I must say that hurt very very bad he was just looking thru his phone the whole time and he would have no idea I was on the other side of the bed crying my eyes out for this man. We took a shower together and he paid me no attention at all. I got dressed and I had a pain in my chest that ran so deep. I mean geezzz why would he do this to me and say he wanted to stay together. A few days after that I notice that he is STILL acting distant and is ignoring me a lot he didn’t respond to texts or calls of me just telling him that I am thinking about him and that I love him. I don’t know a bf.gf who would not respond to something like that. He would take things out on me when something was going on with his family as if I did it to him. He would always get off the phone and not say I love you as he did before. I felt as if I was being played with and strung along for a emotional rollercoaster which is not cool for someone to do. So a few days of not speaking with him went by and I asked him if he neede space and he said “no we are fine”. After that he kept ignoring my texts and calls..so I gave up again and left him alone. About a week or so later he called and said that he thought we needed to “take a break” I was saying that’s all I needed to hear (he didn’t have to ignore me purposely if that what he wanted). My question is what can I do to make this right?..I don’t want to be here being strung along again for this to potently happened again. This man gonna go from breaking it off with me on the day of our anniversary to deciding we can stay together…then a few weeks later say we need a break..this hurts. help please..just advice
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2013): "I mean geezzz why would he do this to me and say he wanted to stay together. "
Because he doesn't actually "want" to stay with you, as in desire to. He just wants to not have to deal with your drama if he breaks up with you so that's why he stays.
he could also be trying to SHOW you how he really isn't into you, sort of like saying "you want us to stay together? well this is what it's going to look like...still want this relationship to continue, now??"
just let him go. His heart is already gone, he is only being a robot now, you will never get from him the kind of relationship you want. You'll be OK without him, don't worry, you just have to give yourself the chance.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2013): I am sorry for what you went through with this guy. I am just
going to say that for me after a break up years ago I started
getting back into my music. I found some old songs to listen to, I Hate Myself For Lovin You by Joan Jett. And Harden My Heart by Quarterflash. The words hit me like a ton of bricks and really helped me move on. You are a good person.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (26 July 2013):
 "Sorry, but how many more anvils will he have to drop on your head before you get it? He doesn't want you."
Well said, anonymous male reader.
When a relationship gets to be hot/cold like yours, it's the biggest, brightest, most obvious red flag that the couple just isn't compatible.
For goodness sakes, let him go. Wouldn't you rather have peace of mind and possibly find a healthy, stable relationship? Or do you just like the drama?
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A
female
reader, theres_always_a_loophole +, writes (26 July 2013):
 Make up/break up relationships don't work, period. Clinging to this guy will only prevent you from finding a guy who truly wants to be with you. Block this one on any social sites so you won't be tempted to check up on him, as this will only make it take longer for the hurt to go away. Block his number as well so he can't call or text when he has no other options at the moment.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (26 July 2013):
 He is a cowardly type of person. That's why he tried breaking up over the phone. He felt guilty when you cried so he said he wanted to work on it. He never wanted to stay together. He just can't handle the tears and guilt. He won't be coming back so that shouldn't be a worry for you. I don't think he was ever playing you or confused about what he should do when he decided to stay, he wanted it to be over and didn't know how to do it appropriately. It's immature and cowardly, but that's what it is. Now you need to just move on. No contact with him at all. No checking his social sites. Nothing. If he ever does come back around you need to be completely indifferent towards him. You had a moment of weakness when he dumped you over the phone on your anniversary, which is understandable. Don't let him see it again to feed his own ego. He's an uncaring individual and even though its hard right now it is good he's out of your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2013): Dear OP,
He no longer wants you in his life. Best to just leave things as they are. Never ever contact him. Get started on healing yourself from this heartbreak. Wishing you all the best in this trying times.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 July 2013):
 Let him go. Don't cling nails and teeth. The guy obviously wants out , just is not a very ballsy individual ( ..tryng to break up over the phone.. ) and could not go through with it in front of your tears, pleads and desperation. So now he is looking for a way to inch his way out of the relationship with the least possible fuss. Maybe he'll protract the break indefinitely until he wears you down, or he will come back just to act even colder and , until you can't take it any more .The passive aggressive way : nearly foolproof.
Make him happy, and leave him. Not to take the higher road , and show your class and dignity ( that too, if you wish ) - just because if you cling, I can promise you it's going to be very hard,slow and painful for you. This is like pulling a bandaid- you need to do it fast, because the more you hesitate , the more it hurts.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2013): "I mean geezzz why would he do this to me and say he wanted to stay together."Because he still wants to dump you but he doesn't want to have to listen to you cry and plead and beg and whine again so he hopes that by giving you the brush off the light bulb will finally go on and you'll know enough to get lost."I don’t know a bf.gf who would not respond to something like that."Only a boyfriend who desperately wants to dump a clingy, needy girlfriend who has latched onto him like a barnacle on a rusty scupper and is resisting all his efforts to scrape her off. "My question is what can I do to make this right?..I don’t want to be here being strung along again for this to potently happened again."Let him break up with you like he wanted to on your "anniversary" so he doesn't have to string you along while he tries to figure out a way to get you out of his life for good that you will understand. Sorry, but how many more anvils will he have to drop on your head before you get it? He doesn't want you.
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