A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:We can discuss virtually anything. We get along well, and just seem to "click" in a way that's unmistakable. We've been pretty open in discussion lately and it came out that we have feelings. However we are maintaining a friendship regardless. Whist talking last week, he was making a few suggestive comments (sexual) about "us" hypothetically. I brushed it off just replying that I'm a girl, so he'd think that way about most girls. A few days later he texts me making a point that he is surrounded by "hot" women and I questioned him, insinuating that he is thinking with what's in his pants. He didn't object, saying that when he sees a random girl who is hot he does think sexually. But when it comes to me he says it's different because I am the exception. I'm not sure whether to take this as a compliment or an insult, however what does he mean? He tried explaining saying that he doesn't know their personalities or who they are, but he doesn't think with his manhood when it comes to me.Any thoughts? Also, is it possible that he talks about hot chicks to make me jealous?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2017): He's seducing you and all this suggestive nonsense and sexual-innuendo is to get you in the sack.
Come-on, you can't possibly be so naive?!!
He is now focusing a lot on sex. Mentioning other women to remind you his options are open. So are yours. You've had some great conversation. So what? Your post is a clear indication that he's getting to you. You should base your decision on your own common-sense.
A guy does not reference other women by the term "hot chicks" to a woman he respects and has feelings for. He talks that way to someone he just wants to boink. He objectifies women like that in-front of his buddies while having a beer. That's a frat-boy mentality.
Too often women grow feelings too soon in a connection with a guy, and feel sex will draw him in. Yes, it may; but only for that reason. He wouldn't be bargaining with you for your body, if he cared anything much for you. He's telling you, that he can always have sex with other women if you don't put out. If you want him, you have to. In other words, enough with "lets be friends" and "lets get it on."
He's quite confident in himself. He feels he can get any "hot chick" he wants. So you've got competition.
You're to supposed to tilt your head and twirl your hair around a finger, rock your shoulders, like a bimbo; and immediately invite him over for sex.
Wrong approach. That's how a player comes across. Telling you how many options he has is also telling you that sex is his objective, and nothing more serious than that.
Be easily tempted, and get played. Be able to deal with your decision. Sex is good bait, but what you catch with it may not be what you wanted.
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (6 August 2017):
So who exactly is this guy? And why, since you both profess to have feelings for each other, did you decide to remain friends instead of dating?
Is it an on-line relationship and he lives to far away? Or is he your teacher or your boss? Or married to someone else? Because otherwise, I can't see why you can't date instead of all this playing hard to get.
Yes, he might be attempting to make you jealous or, at least, remind you that he does have other options.
It seems like a lot of the convos you have together are sexual in nature and, in my experience, guys who do this are generally more interested in sex than they are in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (6 August 2017):
 I think that the two of you are both trying to play a bit "hard to get", which is why you have feelings for him, yet are playing it off as a "friendship" and are so worried about whether or not he just wants sex from you. In the meantime, he has feelings for you, notices that you're playing hard to get, and is reminding you that you're not the only fish in the ocean. It's the oldest game in the world.
Of course he wants to make you jealous, but in a "let's drop the pretense and not just be friends" sort of way, not in a "I want to cause you irritation" sort of way. He's responding to your standoffishness by turning the tables on you. Having a platonic friendship with someone means that you discuss other people who are good looking. You're reacting this way because you don't REALLY want to be friends, but you don't want to be a simple sexual conquest either.
You fix this by not just being friends, but going slow on the sex stuff. Just because you declare feelings and go out on dates means that there's automatic sex immediately. It just means that sooner or later, if you're playing "hard-to-get" and he's chasing you, eventually, he gets to "catch" you, because it's true what he's saying -- there are others to catch too. Of course, if you think he's just wanting sex, you shut him down and end the game and go for someone else. But it seems to me that if you have feeling for him as you say, that's not what you're driving for.
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