A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girl and I have been together for one year. When we started dating she mentioned an interest in an exchange program that our university offered. She applied and got in after months of waiting. She will be leaving the counrty for 8 months at the end of the summer. I love her to death and I know she loves me. We both want to stay together but I can't help but think about the inevitable. I always get bummed out by the thought of her not being around. I know I should live in the moment but the pain of losing her is too much for me to deal with and I feel like I should be working on shielding myself from the pain to come. I am so conflicted because I don't act like I used to around her and it shows. I don't want my behaviour to affect our relationship either. any advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): thanks for the advice you girls. I am really serious about staying with her. I have dealt with a girl friend away for extended periods of time but nothing like what im about to endure. I just dont want to get my heart broken again.
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (5 March 2009):
 Are you afraid that she will have an affair when she is abroad? Or worse, fall out of love from you? Or do you fear deep down that her experience abroad will make her a "changed" person, in a positive way. For instance, just by being immerced and experiencing cultural differences, she will already have an enrichment that you may not have experienced. Her eyes will be opened far wider than before. Yes, her horizon and outlook in life may grow wider and richer. She may or may not see the changes in her phylosophy in life, but for you it will be so obvious. Is this what you are afraid of?
I was an exchange student for a year a long time ago, and when I came back my parents and my friends told me I had changed. They struggled a bit with it, because I said I was the same person as I was before I left. I have no doubt my year abroad at that age it also contributed a lot in how I chose my career moves now.
If you love your g/f and is not afraid of a long term committment from the both of you, I think she will love you even more if you supported her. She has an opportunity that only a handful of people have, you should be proud of her. You can still "grow" with her if you let yourself, simply by communicating with her. Either when she is out there, or when she is back. How? Simply by sharing her enriched views on life with you. Or, you can also visit her during your summer holidays.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (5 March 2009):
 then u need to ask urself, are u both looking for long term commitment? if so, then u should tel her u will commit urself to her in her absence . that u understand that it will be long distance, but u can handle the pressures. if u can outlast this, u can both overcome anyhting together. as a couple. i know a married woman whos husbands leaving for 4 months oput of town, to go to a far off town to study. they have 3 kids. married or not, what it boils down to, is comitment! do u have what it takes? does she? if so, then the next thing, is trust. if u both have the determination, and the drive to be faithful to one another, then this is just another obstacle to overcome. love is a strange emotion yet still, and if one loves so strongly, then giving up is NOTan option. be strong speak ur heart.
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