A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'll try and keep this short. My girlfriend and I had a silly argument nearly 4 weeks ago, and because of a misunderstanding she stormed off and I haven't heard from her since. She's completely avoiding me to the point of deleting me as a Facebook friend and changing her phone number.I have had a chance to think about those concerns of hers night and day as I have hardly had a wink of sleep due to the worry and stress of losing her. After all this pain I feel my heart has sort of opened to encompass her way of thinking and I can see her concerns are valued and I was wrong.I want to tell her how sorry I am. I've been trying to let her know with emails but she doesn't respond, I've invited her to do the fun things we used to enjoy but she is totally blanking me. I've sent her flowers and sent her letters and tried to meet her after work but they said she isn't there.I'm desperate not to lose her since I know she loves me as much as I love her and she told me only recently that we are soulmates and meant to be. How can I make her realise that we can start again now those issues are resolved we can have a happy wonderful future together.
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female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (21 September 2012):
 She said you were the one for her in the past. This happens in every relationship that ends... It starts out great, you love each other, you think they are the one until some stuff happens and you break up and move on. This is life. I've said these things to ex's in my past as well. I truly meant them at the time but shit happened and we broke up. You are talking about this relationship as if it were still going on and you seem slightly delusional about it all. She has had you blocked completely for 4 weeks and her own brother is telling you to get over it. I don't think there is any question she is done. You are still speaking about how you both act together but you aren't together.... And real relationships do go through problems of course, and real relationships do end as well. Relationship problems don't include blocking your boyfriend for 4 weeks and ignoring you completely. That indicates the end. You can hang on as long as you want but she's gone. Hopefully you get help for this because you do seem a little off with the talking as if you are still together and the general delusion that you are still with her.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2012): Hello againI've told her every time in the emails and letter. I even wrote to her brother on Facebook but he responded that I should move on and find someone else. But I can't think about being with someone else and I'm sure that deep down she truly loves me as much as I love her. It's obvious whenever we are together, I can see it in her eyes, feel it in her touch, I've known it from the start. That was a year ago. Yes we've had our problems but I believe real relationships do have problems and you work on them together, that's what helps you grow. Make each of you into better people by supporting each other through the difficulties. She has problems with intimacy but I was very understanding of that and will be there to support her through thick and thin so she needn't worry about that. Also she was worried I didn't support her career but that's not the case, she can always count on me to be fully supportive. I love her for goodness sakes why wouldn't I support her in that. I just want her to be happy and I know we can have a very happy future together because we love each other greatly. It's as if we're meant to be. I know she also knows this deep down because she said that when we met she texted her friends telling them she has found the One. And I have explained she was indeed right in that and there is no reason to doubt it. I will certainly always be here for her and always love her.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (20 September 2012):
I assume you told her in the emails that you now understand her point of view and you were wrong, love her, and wish to try again? And you have sent her flowers. It's time to stop. She went to the extreme of blocking you and changing her number, it is painfully obvious she wants nothing to do with you. The only time I have blocked someone from my life I was extremely serious that I wanted them out. And if they continued to show up I would've gone to the police for a restraining order. With how serious she is I wouldn't be surprised if she did the same thing if you show up to speak to her. Whatever reason she wanted out, the argument or she used it as an excuse, it's over and she's done. There's nothing left for you to say or do to get her back. You have to move on now. If she was interested in working on it she had many opportunities to try to, it's clear she doesn't. It's been 4 weeks and no budging, you have already lost her.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 September 2012):
 Was this last argument the straw that broke the camel's back perhaps? Have you had other problems before this? I guess we/I really need more details.
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A
male
reader, BachelorGreatUncle +, writes (20 September 2012):
"How can I make her realise that we can start again now those issues are resolved we can have a happy wonderful future together."
You can't. She is completely unaware that you have resolved those issues on totally your own and the two of you can have a wonderful future together, and she appears to be making every effort to remain similarly completely unaware for the foreseeable future.
Perhaps you are completely unaware that she has also concurrently resolved those issues totally on her own and she can now have a happy wonderful future without you. If that might be the case, then how might you suggest she "make you realise" she has arrived at an alternative, yet equally viable and in many respects preferable, resolution to your silly arguement? Hypothetical question, of course.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): It sounds to me like she was looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship and you gave her one. Whatever she may have said to you, actions speak louder than words.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): After 4 weeks, you can honestly say its over. You say its silly but to her it may not have been. Whatever you said upset her enough for her not to return. If you really love her, let her go. Her happiness should be your main concern even if its not with you. Let her be. If its meant be, she will come back. Right now do your thing. Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (20 September 2012):
 Plus, at her age (or your age), she is probably tired of messing around with "silly argument" and is hoping for a more mature, respectful, and understanding relationship.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (20 September 2012):
You go to her and tell her point blank that you are sorry for what you said and understand and value her view. If you genuinely do understand and value her view. If you don't, you might want to rethink wanting her back. She obviously sees this "misunderstanding" as a very serious infraction on your part. She wouldn't have cut all communication with you if she didn't.
Flowers, gifts, and asking her do things will not take the place of a direct and sincere apology simply stated. She has to know from you directly stating it, that she is valued and so are her beliefs, opinions, and ideas.
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