A
female
age
36-40,
*D88
writes:Hi everyone, Thanks for taking the time to read this. If someone could give me an advice, I would really appreciate it.Ok, after a year of gathering up my pieces from my previous break-up, I found myself again and started becoming serious involved with this guy of mine for almost 2 months. It's been going fast but we talked a lot about this and about our feelings to make sure that we are both on the same track. We made plans to be together (e.g relocating to a different country, applying for jobs) and are working hard on this. Recently, I just had a feeling that things were a bit out of tune and we didn't see each other much because of our work schedule. And we had a few fights, nothing serious but he pointed out that I need to work on my behaviours as I recently become a bit jealous and him on his actions towards me, as I felt we both need to devote ourselves equally. Until today when I found out he wanted to see his ex girlfriend. He lives in a different town and is making plans to come back next month, of which he has made me aware. But he never mentioned that he wanted to see "ze ex girlfriend". I did ask him when he first told me if he wanted to do so but he said, no, this is only for his family and friends. And I found out, he still wants to see her and asked if she wanted to meet up, even though he mentioned it's up to her because the last time they met it was too hard for her (?). And he told her he still had nightmares about her and she's still in his head. She agreed to meet. And he never mentioned a thing about us. Okay, so please, this is where I need your advice. I'm really not prepared for this. I want to come clear to him and tell him that it's his choice and freedom to do so. But I want him to really come clear with his feelings too, work it out, figure it out, and if he's not over then maybe just stop being with me. I've given up all my baggage and I was balanced and 100% single when I started dating again because I wanted to start everything anew. And I think this is not fair if he failed to do the same. And it won't be too late before I got any more hurt. Please reply! Much loves,GD88 xx
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (20 September 2012):
She is still in his head, and he keeps in contact with her. This is wrong in so many levels. If you don't want to be hurt, I think you should break up with him until he's meda up his mind about his ex.
Whether he meets up with her or not is irrelevant. HE is into her and doesn't talk to her about you.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (20 September 2012):
 Meeting up with an ex who is 'still in his head' is not a good sign, I think you are on the fast track for getting hurt here.
Talk to him, and tell him exactly what you have told us - that if he is not 100% over her then you would prefer him to end things with you. You did the right thing by waiting until you were 100% over your ex, so it is not fair on you to have to deal with this.
I think it is pretty clear he is not over her, there is no valid reason for him to meet with his ex - and dont let him use the old chestnut of 'we want to be friends', that is utter nonsense. We all have plenty of friends, there is no need to keep an ex as a friend unless you were friends for a very long time before the relationship and the relationship ended on particuarly good terms.
I think you need to be very careful with this one, and if I were you I would give him 2 choices: either he forgets about the ex, doesnt meet her and stops contacting her, then you can be together properly - or you walk away. I would never tolerate messing around with an ex like this. My boyfriend has one ex as a friend, and when he went home to visit family he met up with her for a coffee. But he told me about it before, and their break up was really simple - they realised they werent compatible as a couple and both agreed to be friends, so because they knew they werent good as a couple and both agreed to it I dont mind him meeting up with her, there are no romantic feelings left there at all so I'm cool with it.
But in your boyfriend's case, he has said to his ex it was too hard for her, showing that there are a lot of left over feelings involved (on her part anyway) - in that case I would not want my boyfriend meeting up with someone who was clearly struggling with the break up. It is weird and uneccessary to see someone when they still have feelings for you, it indicates that he still has feelings for her otherwise he wouldnt be bothered about meeting up with her.
Talk to him, as soon as you can, and dont put up with this - otherwise you will be the one that ends up hurt.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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