A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a guy for a month.We met on the internet, he's been to my flat, i've been to his.We have been sleeping together every time we meet up.We have also been going 'out'. dinner, cinema, art gallery, etcWe have lots in common and get along really well.However i can't help feeling like i may be being used.I know it is early days and i don't expect him to commit with me straight away, but we are on to date number 6 now, and have been having sex so i would like it to be in the back of his head thinking about what he wants.i tried talking to him and he said he is not seeing anyone else and is seeing how things go.i'm just not used for a 'relationship' to be this intense in the early stages, especially if next week he is gonna tell me it's not working out.things like facebook status annoy me too.. my own not his, i don't like it saying single, other guys could see this and talk to me and ask me out, where i am seeing him..and on nights out, i wouldn't talk to anyone exchange numbers or anything, even though i'm technically single i would feel bad to do it.i wonder if he feels the same or is happy to be meeting/seeing other people.it's fairly long distance too so i really would have no idea.and i'm 19, he is 25.he has his own flat, a good job, he is at a very different stage in his life to me.i'm in my first year of uni, staying in halls :|any advice would be much appreciated. x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): If he's seeing how things go this means he is not ready to commit to you. It sounds like you started sleeping with him very early as you've only known him a month.
It could work out, but also he could be using you for sex. Although most men will take the sex if they can get it.
If it works out good. If it doesn't, ask yourself next time whether you want to take the big step of sleeping with someone when you have no idea whether it will be casual or serious because you hardly know them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2010): "thehugglebear" sorry if you thought my post was "rude" but at the end of the day this guy has told her he wants to take it slow and that he isn't seeing anyone else.
Just because the OP wants a serious relationship and he wants to take it slow, doesn't mean she's being used.
If he was having sex with her, then not calling her or treating her badly, that would be a different story.
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A
female
reader, TheHuggleBear +, writes (4 December 2010):
 I understand how you feel; you feel like you're in for the long run, and he's in for the sex? Yes, you're perfectly entitled to feel used, and I think that the answer from "the walkin dude" was a little bit rude. It's not about rape, or being forced into sex; its about how you feel about the amount of sex you're having. I know I had sex with my current boyfriend very early in our relationship; and I have never regretted that; so I don't think that's a problem here, and no-one else should be able to judge you for sleeping with him early on.
I think maybe what you need to do is talk to him; and say that you feel like he's only in it for the sex; and that it's making you feel hurt and upset. If he truly loves you he will discuss it with you and you'll work something out that works for you both. You could try meeting him in the middle a few times; so that sex isn't really an option, and the two of you can just talk and be together.
If, on the other hand, he says that it is sex he wants (probably not in those words though =P) then dump him -- you're worth more than a booty call.
Hope that makes a little bit of sense, at least, and I wish you the best of luck!
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 if u dont want having the feeling of being used,dont have sex with a guy so soon again. ur obviously not ready for that kind of relationship. deep down u still need to feel the love.
"whatever you built,that's what you'll get". an old phrase yet so meaningful.
what can u do now? at this stage if u bring up any talk of exclusivity he will think ur weird. why? simply becuz u ALREADY slept with him AND HE DIDNT RAPE U. meaning,u wanted to sleep with him.
he's at a very different stage in life as u stated.ur still in school.
Try to have fun with him and forget anything else. Focus on ur schoolwork. Feel blessed that u at least have someone to hang out with and go on dates with.
As for the FB status,that's all B.S people tend to worry too much about how things r online.
Stay cool. Dont let him read ur mind. Make HIM be the one to want to be exclusive.
How will u do that?
By remaining the same. If he reduces the dating time and all he wanna do is have sex,u can simply say that you signed up for more (art gallery,movies,dinners) and since he no longer wanna give u that,ur out.
Classy,right?
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A
female
reader, youngandrestless  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 well i dont believe you are being used. i think i agree that you did jump into being sexual with him too quickly, especiall since you are second guessing it now. its good that he isnt seeing anyone else and neither are you, but you have to realize that even if he says you are monongomous he could still break up with you next week. if you are having regrets about the sex then decide what you need to do for you. you can continue and feel doubts or you can deny him the sex for a while and wait until you are more confident in your relationship. you need to be strong and not just lay back and take it (no pun intended)
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): He might not be using you for sex as far as I'm concerned although I think you did introduce sex very early.
Look you've only had 6 dates, try going on a couple of dates that don't lead to sex. The problem I see here is that there's a long distance, the fact you've had sex so early means he expects that when he or you travel to meet. The real test is if he's willing to travel even if he knows he won't get sex. You could try telling him you're on your period before he comes down and that you won't be able to have sex. You'll see by his response whether he is or not. If he makes up an excuse as to why he can't come down or doesn't want to come down because there's no sex (no matter what his excuse) then it's only about the sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): How are you being used? You're having sex with him the same as he's having sex with you.
He hasn't told you he's madly in love with you or promised you anything. I don't see how you are being used.
If you want something serious then talk to him about it. It was your decision to sleep with him, nobody forced you to jump into bed with him.
You've been going on dates, which i assume he paid for? He told you he isn't seeing anybody else and wants to take things slow.
I fail to see how you are being used.
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