A
female
age
30-35,
*rit_o7
writes:My boyfriend and I have been "dating" for about 4 months and we were good friends before we started "dating". I love him, I really really do. I want to give him my virginity, he is also a virgin. My question is; i know sex will hurt and the best thing is to be relaxed, but i want t o know if i should use lubricant or anything and, what kind of condoms are best, and also like the setting and making it romantic and like any tips that will make us more comfortable and less tense?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2007): As with most things in a relationship, it is all about communications. Make sure you both understand each other's concerns. As much as you have some fears about pain, he may have anxiety about performance or not wanting to hurt you. There may or may not be the pain your are concerned about, but here are some tips I learned and had the opportunity to use twice.
First talk about what you are about to do. Do it before your clothes come off. It can be so tight that he may only be able to get a little bit "in" at a time. Discuss what signals you are going to use so both of you know when it is OK to go a little further, stop, back out, etc. The tightness I am talking about has nothing to do with your hymen, but with your and his physical structure and how relaxed you are, so even when your hymen is broken, there may be a lot more additional time needed to make it less painful. One one occasion, she tried three times with her on top to get more than the head in to no avail (even with extra lube), we switched positions with me on top, and the second time we tried, with lots of time and extra lubrication, half-inch buy half-inch, I got all the way in. Despite popular belief, you may not "loosen up" after the first time. My wife and I had to keep going in a little at a time because of her tightness and my size until our first child was born. Smooth sailing since then.
Second, take your time if necessary. If your physical structures are such that it is easy for both of you for him to slip in quickly, great, but until you know that, make sure you go slowly. As mentioned before talk about it before you undress so you know the signals. Stop completely and come back to it if things are not working out the first few times. Explore each other with your hands or mouths for 15 minutes and try again.
Third, use a lubricant the first time. You may have lots of personal lubricant, but if you do need to take a long time to complete the act, your lubrication may subside, and the extra friction will make it uncomfortable for both of you. Even with the best lube, it may take some time for reasons mentioned above. Make sure you communicate this to him in advance as well. He may be surprised if you whip out a tube of lube and not understand why if it is just before you two are ready to "do it". The first virgin I made love to was too dry, and we were going to give up. I had never made love to a virgin to that point and never needed lubrication for vaginal sex, but I had anal sex with a couple of girls, and remembered that I had lube. I applied a lot to both her and me (probably too much, but I use the same amount I used for anal sex) and it went right in. She winced and bit her lip. I apologized, stopped for awhile, continued when she was ready.
Condoms are a personal choice. If you are absolutely sure he has not had sexual relations before (and I mean absolutely) then consider a lamb skin condom for the first time (they are expensive to use all the time if your have a limited income). Lamb skin condoms make the feelings almost as if natural without protection, but, while they effective at preventing pregnancy, they are not as good at preventing disease. No birth control is 100%, don't forget that as you enter into this next phase of your sexual life. One girl I dated used a diaphragm with spermicide jell around the edges, injected a foam (she let me do that sometimes), and made me wear a condom. No joke. I am surprised she wasn't also on the pill.
Finally, as mentioned, you do have the option of stretching/tearing your hymen before you have sex. This may not eliminate all of the issues with first intercourse (see above) but it will remove one source of your concerns. It is a personal choice. You don't have to do it alone, you can do it together. Use fingers first (yours or his), one, then two. Insert and spread them, applying pressure to the hymen. Depending on what type of hymen you have, you may have to widen them to the sides and/or to the top and bottom in order to stretch/tear it. Then a smooth vibrator (if you are not comfortable with going to a sex shop or ordering online, go to Spencer's, they usually have some in the adult section), apply lots of lube, go slow, etc. If he is there, let him handle the vibrator with your hands over his as guidance, but get your signals straight beforehand. Remember, it is "all" about communications.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): First of all, don't ruin it by breaking your hymen before hand. that is part of the experience for both of you. yes, it is a boost for him, but it is also a milestone for you. If you take it slow and prepare well, the pleasure can outweigh the pain in such a big way that you will have happy memories for life. It can literally affect your sex life for the rest of your life. With foreplay, any condom will do it's job. Spending hours picking the right one is a waste. Spend those hours enjoying the condoms.
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A
female
reader, mum2be  +, writes (19 February 2007):
You should do whatever you feel comfortable with. Go and look at the condoms together and decide which would best suit your needs.
Play some soothing music and make sure you get well into the foreplay as this will loosen you up and help relax you.
It will hurt... but the pain should not last very long. If you both love eachother and are sure you want to take this enormous step, then good luck to you.
Make sure you do use a condom, and you can experiment to see which works for you.
All The best!
xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): If you are afraid of the pain factor- for example- if your hymen is still intact- play around with yourself on your own first- and maybe you can break it on your own before he goes into you- that way the experience will be better for both of you- so there doesnt have to be bleeding or horrible pain- you can get it over with beforehand..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): Hi there,
losing your virginity to someone special is an exciting event! Like Evangeline mentioned, the first time might be uncomfortable and you might be a bit confused as to why the discomfort outweighs the pleasure. It's really important to remember, (and this may help you relax a little when the moment comes) that sex is a big deal, but being in love with someone and sharing intimate moments is even bigger. Make sure you enjoy all the feelings and the foreplay that comes before, because to be perfectly honest, foreplay is what makes sex good. If you're both relaxed and caught up in the moment and he's taken the time to turn you on and make you feel good, honestly the pain won't be as bad as if you jump right into it.
Good luck! And be safe!
xo
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A
female
reader, Evangeline +, writes (18 February 2007):
 Hi,
I recently lost my virginity with my boyfriend of 7 months at the time! And there are a few things you should be aware of before you do it.
Firstly make sure this is exactly what you want and that you really care about each other - you sound like you, but your virginity is not something you can get back so it is important to think about it carefully.
Secondly, Durex condoms are a good bet because durex also make a lot of products that can be used with the condoms - lubricants for example. When using lubricants with condoms, you must make sure it is a water based lubricant and not an oil based - as these weaken the condoms! Durex make lots of exciting water based lubricants to go with there condoms.
Durex make loads of different types of condoms, eg. ones with special shapes, thicknesses, colours, flavours ribbed, heat sensitive ones - there are loads. Its fun to buy a pack with lots of different types in, so you can try different ones out and see which you both like best!
Pick a setting that you both feel comfortable in, like a one of your houses when parents are out. It is important that your not interrupted early etc. If you want to make it exciting you could do it somewhere outside (i did it in forest for my first time!) but you have to make sure you wont be caught - because you could get in trouble with authorities - which cannot be fun!
Make sure when you get started you do lots of foreplay - kissing, hugging, oral, touching and stuff. Anything to get your body relaxed. You need to make sure your very aroused - by that i mean wet! because the wetter you are the more enjoyable and painless the experience will be. Your natural lubricant plus any artificial (applied to the condom - which is on him! and yourself) should be sufficient. Be aware though that it might take a couple of tries to reach full penetration - it might be too uncomfortable the first time - you may not be relaxed enough e.t.c. But keep trying and enjoy it!
Hope i've helped!
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