A
female
age
30-35,
*lilara
writes:Hi there everyone,I really need some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and I absolutely adore him, I love him.But I'm a lesbian.I've been with girls, had relationships with girls and I'm unable to be intimate with him and he knows the reason why. I have tried on many occasions and sometimes I stop it because it's not right and other times he stops it because he can tell I'm not enjoying it. I do manage to be affectionate though and kissing doesn't bother me.We've been friends for years and we got together because he's schizophrenic and I have major depression and anxiety. We've helped each other through getting therapy and are both on medication... whenever I have a bad night he's the first person I turn to and vice versa.I'm his first girlfriend and he has said before that he wonders if he'd still be alive if we hadn't gotten together and been so supportive of one another.I'm at the point though where I can't go out to gay clubs because it upsets me seeing girls together and seeing girls I've kissed etc. I love him, I really do. I just don't know if I can break up with him. I think that's what I want but I don't want to lose his friendship.Above all, I hate the idea of hurting him.Please help me, I don't know what to do...
View related questions:
kissing, lesbian Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Olilara +, writes (14 May 2010):
Olilara is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I did it.
I feel awful, but neither of us were surprised by the revelation and we're going to hopefully stay close friends.
And I will just try not to kiss girls in front of him for as long as possible.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 May 2010):
He will be fine. You can't stay with someone because of what they might do. Anything he does after you end it is his own decision. That's it. You can't continue this and you know it. you have to end it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Olilara +, writes (10 May 2010):
Olilara is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for everyone who has answered...
Ok so, as I probably expected... the general consensus is that I have to break it off sooner rather than later.
But I'm not sure he can stand on his own two feet. If anything happened to him as a result of my leaving... I don't know how I'd cope.
I couldn't deal with the guilt of knowing that he fell to pieces just because I wanted to sleep with girls again.
I know it's far more complex than that, but I'm afraid that's how I would feel
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 May 2010):
You're going to hurt him even more if you don't end it. You have to let him go. You can't keep him sitting there like a comfort blanket. Yes, you love him. But not in the way he wants or needs. It's time to move on.
...............................
A
male
reader, LessonsLearned  +, writes (9 May 2010):
You just need to be honest with him. You will never be the girlfiend he needs. The longer you both continue this fantasy then the harder it will be to move on.
First, make it clear you love him as a person. But the fact your a lesbian means you can never be a real couple together. Make it clear you want to continue the relationship, but as true firends...not a pretend couple.
You sound like you know what you are but are having trouble accepting it. Join some gay support groups and learn to fully accept yourself. It sounds like you came from some chaos and as such, you may have some fear of true intimacy, which is why this current relationship probably seemed like a good idea at the time. See a counselor if that's the case.
...............................
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (9 May 2010):
 Sorry, I don't mean this to be flippant or rude but couldn't you look for a nice bisexual girl and all settle down together? It's worth a shot.
...............................
A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (9 May 2010):
Well why do anything just continue as you are? Its decision time and I feek you are asking me to comfirm your sexuality, I cannot do that, only you?Youu must face some facts as well what ever he does that is for him to decide, why us he not fighting to keep you anyway?Are you also holding on to this guy because you like to feel good about yourself. Why are you playing what could appear to be a game?
...............................
A
male
reader, Edico +, writes (9 May 2010):
 As someone who is afflicted with Bipolar Disorder, i can sympathize with both of you. This situation is far from easy with even the average person, let alone someone in your position. Paranoia is an enemy of all mental illnesses but honesty will set you both free.I know you dont want to hear it but if you feel that you cant be in a stable relationship, then it might be in the best interest for both of you to break it off. As someone who has had his heart broken many times and suffer from mental illness, i know this will hurt him. Although, maybe not as bad as you think. He is aware that there is a problem; help him understand what is going on.Yall have something beautiful, a deep friendship, a common understanding of each other. No matter what you do, i am confident that both of you will still be in one another's lives.I'll be rootin' for yall. Best of luck ^o^
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010): you absoloutely must break up with this guy. you are hurting him by being with him when you can't fully commit yourself to him. he'll just linger, taking the scraps of love and kisses that you offer him, hoping that someday you'll change... and you won't. And neither of you will have any chance of finding people that you can actually be in a real reloationship with.If you love him, be gentle, be kind, but break up with him, stop stringing him along. and be prepared for it to hurt when you see him with other girls, because you may loose the intimate emotional connection that you now have.
...............................
|
