A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Am so confused! 2 year ago i met a guy n we became friends. last year we were invited 2 a party n he showed more interest in me. later that night we went 2 his place, he wanted sex n i said NO. We kept in touch n 2 weeks ago i went 2 his place n we had sex. i wanted 2 take our friendship 2 the next level bt nw i think i was just a 1 night stand. he is avoiding me like hell. he is a shy n sensetive guy n cant usually talk abt his feelings. was i really a 1 night stand?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2008): "He is a shy n sensitive guy n can't usually talk about his feelings"
Man, these are the sneaky ones. By your age even the "shy & sensitive" guys are perfectly capable of being total players. That image can be just as much of a phony act as being a cocky party animal. Every bit as much. (Did this image/personality seem to make him "safer" than most guys? THAT'S EXACTLY THE POINT! That's the con!)
Sorry it happened to you, but I think he probably won't be calling back.
The only real tip-off you had was that it sounded like he was kind of pushy for sex the first recent night at his place. The TRUE shy & sensitive guys are rarely ever very demanding in this way. One hint from you to slow down, and the real "shy guy" is usually jumping back across the couch apologizing.
A
male
reader, FETSEA  +, writes (10 September 2008):
APPEARS SO TO BE.Again, it may not be so. To be exact, you have met twoice only.At the part and then to his place. You said "no". Kept in touch & all that: was it hai!hai! When you went to his place (the second time, that you are meeting why were you actually there? Only you know the answer. Was it to confirm your feelings to him, and therefore gave in as expressing "I LOVE YOU". Or, were you trying to draw him, by giving in to say " DO LOVE ME".
(1) Maybe, he just wanted a fling, and he got you.
(2) Is he thinking, "O!my god...now I am hooked! Better to
keep away, until I am "written off"
(3) Without knowing his age, history, his life plans,is he
already steady with someone else and so on, INCLUDING
yours, it is difficult to say why his avoidance.
Spilt milk is waste. No use crying. Learn. Pursuit very friendly. Do not pressure, but measure. Do not give in easily, on your next date. On the other hand, is he worthy of pursuit. You are the best person to decide.
keep away.
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A
male
reader, Sandman  +, writes (10 September 2008):
 I think sappygirl said it best:
"...that is what happens when us girls give up sex before we make them work for it..."
It's probably still too early to tell but it seems like you might have been a booty call.
Avoidance is usually the sign that I am no longer interested in you. I could play devil's advocate and say that he's avoiding you because he's nervous about his performance or he's nervous that you don't want him now that you've had sexual intercourse with him - but that's probably not the case.
Learn from the adventure. Get to know your partners first! Get to know them REALLY well. The longer you hold, the faster the herd thins. The guys who are only there for one thing will fade away, leaving the other guys who are serious about seeking a true relationship with you. Find THOSE guys. Let the booty call guys find their booty somewhere else.
Hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2008): Well, you were either a 1 night stand or you scared him off with wanting a commitment too soon. No one can tell you which from the information that you have supplied. A commited realtionship after 2 dates, shich weren't really dates, in a year is a bit fast to move. A commited relationship doesn't happen that fast. At least I assume that you wanted more commitment by saying that you wanted to take it to the next level.
You have 2 choices for the future. Either understand that if you want to have sex on the first or second date that you will have some 1 night stands or short affairs. If you are fine with that then do it if you want. However, if you want to ensure that you only have sex with a guy who wants you for more than just sex then you will have to wait a lot longer than 1 or 2 dates to have sex with him. The way to weed out those guys is to make them wait for at least a few dates. The ones who only want sex will not wait.
I just discussed this with my wife and she said that she thinks that you scared him away. She says that because her experience tells her that shy and sensitive guys aren't normally looking for 1 night stands, but they also can be scared off by the woman trying to push the relationship too fast.
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A
female
reader, starismine1 +, writes (10 September 2008):
 If after a 2nd date you have sexual relations and then you tell a guy you want to take things to the next level, I assume you are referring to commitment of just dating each other. Most guys find this a pressure on them they don't want to live up to. He wasn't too shy and sensitive to have sex with you, so if he still wanted to see you, he would have contacted you. Try putting less pressure on a guy after a 2nd date and let things just naturally evolve because wanting a guy to want you never makes them appreciate you.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (10 September 2008):
 unfortunately all he wanted was sex and not a relationship. If he is "avoiding you like hell". i take it that he got what he wanted so now he's moved on.
That is what happens when us girls give up sex before we make them work for it. They only think of us as a booty call.
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