A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone.I left England to study in Sweden for 6 months as part of my university course in january this year. It really was an amazing time. i met people from all across the world, and ended up being extremely close to 4 friends. One of these friends who i had an immediate attraction too came over to my room one night to have a bit of a drinking session. It was amazing, we talked one on one for the first time, and we ended up getting extremely drunk. We ended up sleeping together. From this day we got closer and closer and decided to be in a relationship. The only problem was that there was only a few weeks left before we both had to go home to our different countries. This was really hard to deal with, so i suggested that i moved to her country for just for summer so we could have a go of it. we went through every possible detail so it wasnt just a rushed decision, and a decision we would regret when it would dawn upon us that we would be living together straight away.So we said our goodbyes in sweden with the prospect of me going to her country for two months in 4 weeks time. during these 4 weeks, we talked everyday, and were both so excited.The time came to say goodbye to friends and family as i embarked on an adventure to her country. the first 4 days there were amazing, then one day she seemed very distant. I just thought it was an off day, so it was such a shock to me that she wanted to end it 2 days later. It was such a blow, and i tried to find out what i had done wrong...but she said nothing, it's just her and not me. Really embarassed by that line, i booked my tickets home. 8 weeks later i cant get it out of my mind. what did i do? why didnt it work? Becasue i have known her for 6 months, and went out with her for 2 and seeing her everyday in sweden, i cant stress how much i liked her..even maybe loved. I know in total its a short time to be going out with someeone, but i have never felt such anger, loss and unhappyness since the breakup. for a minute i had thought we could have had such an exciting relationship going to each others countries etc. I just dont know what to do...part of me wants me to remove her from fcebook, skype, msn, so i can get her out of my head..but secondly what if she changes her mind and she wants to come to england? and i dont want to lose a friend...even though i dont think i'm the type of person that could be comfortable eing friends with her in a year or so when she has a another boyfriend. ahhhhh what would you do? does it get easier?
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broke up, different countries, drunk, msn, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, confuzzled_in_cville  +, writes (10 September 2008):
you didn't do anything wrong. the basis of your relationship was a drunken monent, which you guys did talk but it didn't start off on the right foot. I think either she likes you and needs more time to be friends or she just liked you as a friend and never expected a relationship from it. take the time and stay in contact with her and she may come around again. if she was a good friend dont lose her but in the mean time concentrate on other things.
A
male
reader, Lovexpert +, writes (10 September 2008):
That is a brutal situation. The fact is, most people have serious intimacy issues. I'm guessing that you got too close to her for emotional comfort and she couldn't deal with it. I recommend talking to her regularly (if she'll let you) so she can get comfortable with you again, then maybe you could discuss dating again, taking it slow. It's also possible that she may feel you and her are not compatible long term. It could even be that she really really likes you but there's not future in a long distance relationship. Or maybe she felt that it wasn't right for her and she didn't have the guts to tell you. Either way, give her time and space to figure herself out, but realize that the relationship cannot work unless she is able to be open and honest about her feelings with you. It's okay if it takes her some time to get there, but it's really not fair to you to be in a relationship with her before she is ready to do that.
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