A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I have had an on-again, off-again relationship with this guy. After dating and breaking up we tried being friends....I'm sure you can all figure out the complications that went along with that. We're good friends, when we both make the effort. It has just seemed that I am always the one making the effort. This March we stopped speaking, there was no communication at all, for 2 months...until his world kinda fell apart and he turned to me. I helped him, but was trying to be careful about not being hurt again. He ketp up the attention, texting, calling, but again, that slowly stopped. Then he started sending emails or texts saying that maybe we could get together, but never made plans. The calls stopped completely. I finally sent him an email, every time I called he would not answer, but send a text later....I said to him stop with the maybes and sometimes, if you want to get together, then lets make real plans. He told me that he was sorry, he just wasn't used to being friends with a girl where there is no sex involved (read b/w the lines, he's sleeping w/ someone). But the texts kept coming. He went away for a week and I didn't hear from him at all...which was fine. But the day he got back he was back to texting me. I invited him to do something as I had managed to finish off an assignment and he texted me back about being glad about the assignment, but ignored my invitation.A gf and her husband suggested I text the following: I'm glad you're glad. Way to avoid my point. Well done! Whatevs, your loss. Hope you had success with your errands, have a good one. Well wouldn't you know it, within 5 minutes he called. I was very frustrated at this point and didn't answer. He left a VM and he was very....deliberate and had excuses for why he didn't respond to getting together, including that he was washing his phone....He called again later, but I was out. So the next morning I texted him and said: Sorry I missed your calls, but I got your vm.....okee dokee...catch ya later. He replied back 20 mins later with a "thanks you too". Since then I have heard nothing. Do you think he will contact me again? Or is this it? I just got so frustrated b/c he makes me feel disposable and I know if I didn't stand up for myself and let him know that this is not ok, he can't just keep stringing me along it was going to continue. Thanks guys, I look forward to your responses.
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female
reader, natmarie  +, writes (27 August 2010):
 Hi, I am sorry you have had to go through this crap. I too have been going through this, and fainlly broke it off last week.it sounds like he knows you really like him, and he is taking advantage of that fact. Why not ignore him completley and see what he does?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. I doubt very much I will hear from him again. I think not only does he not respect me, he's a coward and way too prideful. He won't step up to the plate, that much is obvious, so I don't think I'll hear from him. Even if things go badly for him again....
It's too bad b/c we were really good friends until he realized this past Christmas that I was not going to sleep with him....he had been laying it on thick from time to time.
It's sad though....after 2 years he became my best friend. When things are going well, we will literally text all day, just joking with each other back and forth. I don't joke in the same way with anyone else, and we talk about things that I don't talk about with anyone else.
I hate the thought of not hearing from him b/c I had enough respect for myself to just say it plainly that this hemming and hawing was not cool.
I honestly feel if I back down, even just to say hi, that I will just be setting myself up again.
But I bet he thinks that since he called that I should be the one to reach out....he doesn't get that I am tired of this game.
Thanks for the advice :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): I think he will contact you again, but when he feels like it. It sounds like he wants things on his terms, and he is really messing you around. I really can't see this pattern changing. You have tried to be patient and understanding. You have tried being firm and putting your foot down. Nothing is changing. Of course, when he thinks he may lose you he is suddenly quick to call you, because I think he likes the idea of you being there, just incase. But that is not fair on you. You are not some back-up option for him, someone he can turn to when he needs help or company, and who should go away when he is not interested for that moment. You are a human being who deserves to be treated with respect. I very much doubt he will do that.
I have actually been in a situation very similar to what you have described here, and it didn't improve. This guy continued to string me along at his convenience, and I think that is what this guy is doing with you. I don't think you should allow yourself to be treated in this way any longer. Of course, it is up to you what you decide to do here. But if it was me, I would walk away and forget about this guy. I am sure if you did that he would suddenly contact you non-stop. But it would not be because he is sorry and wants things to be different - it is just because he likes having you as an option, and does not want to lose that. I think you deserve more than this.
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A
female
reader, answerfromtheheart  +, writes (24 August 2010):
 I think you did the right thing. Even if it hurts for you to do that, and it seems harsh, you said it right: you stood up for your honor, and you let him know that you deserve respect.
I believe the only time an ex can be friends is when neither one desires the other. If one of the exes still has some kind of attachment and desire to be together, the friendship cannot exist.
I'm not sure if this is it. It could be the end only temporary until he runs into another problem and will call on you for help, since you've always made yourself available to help him.
But either way, I'm glad you stood up for yourself and I hope you keep doing that in the future.
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