A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friend at work got married in private three months ago, and took her husband's name. It was a couple of weeks before we (her friends) found out.It was all so sudden. We all had to get used to her having a completely different last name, but I think I might be the only one who's bugged by it, at least this much. Her husband's a super nice guy, and I'm glad they're together, and it has nothing to do with me, but it bothers me! I don't know what to do!I have this dark fantasy in which I send her an anonymous letter about it, but I realize that that would be borderline insane and probably hurtful. Any advice?
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female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (24 August 2010):
 I know you don't have a crush on me, but I plan to keep my maiden name if it makes you feel better!
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (24 August 2010):
Yeah, it's somewhat inconvenient in a business setting to correct the phone list (in some places they even keep BOTH the old name, and the new name, in the directory for a while), re-order business cards, change the name plates on the doors, re-issue the ID cards, etc, etc.
That's too bad. It may be an archaic practice, but it's the way we still do things in Western culture. (I'd be all for some method where both the husband and wife change their surnames to a different, identical, name. And I don't mean those pretentious, unwieldy, hyphenated things that some women use to "prove" their equality.)
But "C.Grant" really answered the question - give him a 5-star rating!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (24 August 2010):
 Ah ha, you have a crush on her didn't get a chance to tell her and now she's married! Well it's not archaic to take the man's last name, unless C.Grant stated you're in Quebec. Which I had no idea, learn something new everyday. In fact, I don't know a single woman who kept her maiden name. I think it's more you're bothered she's married, and you have a case of the "what if's". Sorry it's too late she's already hitched there's nothing you can do but to go on about your business.
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A
female
reader, answerfromtheheart +, writes (24 August 2010):
 I guess it bothers you because you have some feelings for her, but if you respect her new husband, you have to let those feelings cool down.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (24 August 2010):
 It's a very common practice to take the husband's name all over the world. There's something bothering you that you're either not aware of yourself, or are not sharing with us.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): Oh, jeez. My followup is sandwiched inbetween answers,
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A
male
reader, Boombadaboom  +, writes (24 August 2010):
 How can this bother you? It's so common
Like C. Grant said, try figuring out why it bothers you.
It's all ok, really
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): Wow! Cary Grant! I'm honoured!
Anyway, to be honest, I do have a bit of a crush on her. But I'm definitely not going to act on that. I'm keeping that to myself. Her husband is a super nice guy and we get along well.
And I do personally find it weird and archaic to take a spouse's name.
Also, there's another person in our office with the same first name, and we would use their last names to distinguish them in conversation. Her changing her name kind of threw me off-balance.
And it was all so sudden. It felt a bit like "Surprise! I have a new name!"
I realize that I shouldn't care. But I do. And it's painful. It's also silly. But it's also painful. But it's also silly.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (24 August 2010):
Are you upset because she didn't tell you she was getting married? I would be a little hurt if I didn't know and she didn't invite u. But then again you have to remember people get married in whatever way they want eloping, small ceremony with just immediate family, it varies. I would just ask her why didn't she tell anyone, you guys would've all loved to come to her wedding, I'm sure she'll have a good explanation and ask if she's registered anywhere so you can get her a belated wedding present. Now get happy for her! Being married is quite a journey and also some work!
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (24 August 2010):
 What an odd thing to be bothered about. Obviously you're not in Quebec, where it's not permitted to take your husband's name.
At the risk of stating the obvious, it's none of your business. If you value the friendship, butt out.
You might try figuring out why it bothers you. Surely there's more to it than the minor inconvenience of having to remember a new name. Do you resent the traditional nature of the move? Figure out what your problem is and it'll be easier to let go.
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