A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need to know if my girlfriend is a virgin. She claims she is, my friends say she is not, i don't know what to think. Before we started dating, her ex bf (my best friend) and her were in her basement drunk and naked making out. He was on top of her and he began to slide his penis inside of her, when she realized what was happening and the pain hit she told him to get out cause it hurt like hell and was too big. He got just his head inside of her and a few moments later tried again, this time he slid it halfway in her vagina and held it there for like a minute with no penetration. She could not take the pain and he pulled out. That was the last time they got together. So about a month later we started dating and we did have sex and She claims I took her virginity, I too was a virgin so it was special to do it with another virgin.However my best friend claims he is the one who actually took her virginity, and he has told me many times in detail what happened and my gf backs it all up but she says cause it was not actual sex she was still a virgin. I want to believe she was, but I really don't know if she was... Any thoughts, my gf and I have decided that this is the best place to settle the argument.
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best friend, drunk, her ex, my ex, still a virgin, vagina Reply to this Question
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male
reader, meganutts  +, writes (17 August 2009):
 You have a weird selection of friends that you allow in your company. Personally I wouldn't even be friends with the loser once I found out that shyt. Sorry, but he violated her. And he did take her virginity, that's another thing, you said he told u many time, as in the topic came up many times, as in sumone was bragging. Scum. He's your friend, but you better watch him.
A
female
reader, teresalvswhit +, writes (11 March 2009):
i think you took her virginity not your friend!
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (6 February 2009):
the whole finger thing is not true!when i was a virgin all those years ago,lol,a guy would beable to get 2 fingers inside me. sure it was tight but it was not uncomfortable. you dont get much out of a finger tip.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): Hymen, the entry to vagina is a tissue which can be broken with force of insertion. If one can pass only the tip of little finger through the hymen, the girl is a virgin. But if two fingers can cross easily she is not virgin. The breakage of hymen is the loss of virginity. It is usually associated with little to heavy bleeding and pain.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): thanks everyone, I appreciate the answers.
Just to clarify it was not rape and he did not try to force her at all, it just hurt too much and she was not ready. She concedes and so do I that he was her first, but its over and done with. I am not upset with her, and I am still best friends with my buddy.
A part of me is a little upset that I was not her first, but I am also happy I was her first true love and still am.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): I don't see that it really matters if she was a virgin or not anyway, but I'd say technically It was half, because probably the hymen was not completely torn or stretched with the ex-boyfriend. I would say anyone who does sexual things with someone else has experience even if it's not actual intercourse, so they are only virgins in not having done that one act. I would imagine most people nowadays have some experience of some kind of sex if they have been dating a few years.
It was not clear to me from the account of the drunken sexual encounter in the basement if it was rape or just a case of they tried, but they quit, because it hurt too much. True, having sex while drunk is not a very good idea especially for the first time, but did he try to force or trick her while she was drunk? If he was pretty drunk, too, then he probably wouldn't be thinking so well either, and if she said she wanted to, then he might be excused for not thinking clearly enough to say "Wait a minute, we shouldn't to do this when you're drunk Let's wait until you're sober and thinking clearly." On the other hand, if he did plan to take advantage of her, then that's pretty bad.
The other thing that should be brought up here is that if people get naked and roll around together passionately without protection, STDs could be passed and so could any escaped sperm. So, people could catch something and/or even get pregnant if they are female. Just thought that's an important thing to remember in general.
Several other people assumed the ex-boyfriend committed rape or close to it, and that might be so, but I think more details are needed to tell one way or the other.
At any rate that first drunken attempt at sexual intercourse was not good for the girlfriend and was maybe really awful, so it's the second successful time that counts.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (4 February 2009):
 Physically she is only by a mere technicality, not a virgin. But really?? REALLY? In reality, she was forced to do something she didn't want to - borderline rape on your friends part, there. Mentally, your girlfriend is still as pure as she was before that night with that party. She told him no, he didn't listen, and he managed to take part of her virginity away from her.
Your friend is a real scum bag, a real sleaze. I don't see how you can still talk to him after what he did to your girl. He put her physically at risk too - even though what she did wasn't complete sex, she still could have contracted an STI in that few minutes. No matter how clean your friend assures you he is, I would still be careful - if this is how he behaves with one girl, who knows how many drunk girls he makes habits of taking advantage of.
I say that YOU'RE the one who took her real virginity. That guy took her virginity by technicality. You got the much more special, meaningful time. Give her the memory of losing her virginity with YOU, not a horrible memory of a sick bastard trying to do her in a basement.
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (4 February 2009):
to be honest, why does it matter if she is a virgin or not? her past relationships don't really have anything to do with you. ok so it may have been your best friend, but it was in the past! like i said why does it matter!?!
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A
female
reader, YuukiBear +, writes (4 February 2009):
 She may not be a virgin when it comes to penetration. But, I consider that losing your virginity is when you do it with someone that you want to and that you love. If she didn't want to do it with him then she was a virgin then. I say that she lost her virginity to you and not the other guy. But in all honesty... other people would believe that she lost her virginity that night she was with that other guy. If you wanna talk about it then message me ok. I will try to explain if you are any bit confused. ~Allana Rose
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A
female
reader, saoirse +, writes (4 February 2009):
 I really hate to tell you this but by technicality your Girlfriend was not a virgin. She would technically have lost it the moment he penetrated her with his penis. Im not sure why they are telling you there was no penetration if it was 'half way in' because penetration just means that something went inside of something else, it really doesn't matter how far. While your girlfriend may have considered that to "not be enough" to have taken her virginity, the truth is that it is regardless of how she wants to look at it. But then again the two of you would be correct I suppose in saying that you both had your first time of having a proper go at it. I have no idea how you managed to make it through a conversation like that with your best friend about your current girlfriend, but I will say that I commend you for not clocking him in the face. Good luck, and if you need anything else let me knowSaoirse.http://teenadvice.about.com/library/weekly/aa072300a.htm
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