A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just a quick question, someone who I suspected liked me tried to give me flowers and chocolates today. So all I said was "I'm sorry but I'm not interested in relationships" (which for my own reasons is true). He then tried to make out like it was just a friends thing. I'm not good in these sorts of situations so I just wanted to check if what I said and how I reacted was ok. I'm wondering if what I said was a little vague.Also I have to see this guy quite often (unavoidable) so should I now just carry on as normal? Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2012): Ok thanks for the answers. Just to add some info, part of the reason I reacted that way was because for the past 3 months I've turned down every invitation to go somewhere or have meals cooked for me. I also dropped into conversation I wasn't interested in relationships a number of times when I felt it was appropraite. Another thing is he's 20yrs older than me so it freaks me out really. I wanted to send a clear message without being rude. I've tried the softly softly approach before and it always ended in upset texts with guys not able to understand how I can not be interested when we get along well. Are these experiences normal? I don't know if it's a good idea to go and say something stranglely nice that's out of the ordinary, I don't want to raise his hopes in any way.
A
male
reader, happy140  +, writes (3 March 2012):
 .I as a man would have taken that as a bit harsh. You may not have meant it personal but he took it that way. He was doing something intimate with you, something beyond the friend stage. He really did not know how to bow out gracefully. (had the same thing happen to me) Put yourself in his shoes what else could he do to save face. If you would have said that you really appreciated the candy and flowers and that you enjoy his company but you are not ready to be in a relationship but what he did was sweet and caring and you will remember that about him would have went along way with him. Trust me--his feelings were hurt and it will be hard for him to "talk" to you next time he sees you. He thinks he made a foul of himself. Approach him and say something nice so he KNOWS it was not personal and he can have his dignity back. We men are finicky at times with our feelings. He knows you did not mean anything bad but a part of him still took at personally.
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A
male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (3 March 2012):
 If you do have to interact with him quite often then yes it would probably be better if you did just act normal around him. Although you may feel a little awkward around him seeing as you now know how he feels about you.
If the reason you gave for not wanting a relationship is genuine, which it sounds so, then yeah it was okay to give that reason. Not many, if any, people flowers and chocolates to friends. Especially not guys!
The reason he quickly gave you the friend excuse was to avoid the feeling of rejection. He wouldn't have wanted you to have seen his efforts go to waste. So yeah, although it may be difficult, I would try your hardest to just act normal to him as he may also want to forget it happened. Hope this helps.
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