A
male
age
30-35,
*unaticLove92
writes:So heres the issue...my girlfriend and I have been daring for 2 years and have been engaged for about a year...thing is she wants to get married pronto, and I just want to chill out and be engaged for like another year...was I wrong to get engaged so soon? Is there a certain average time span from the time you get engaged to marriage that I didnt realize??
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 March 2011):
 I can see your point, and anyway one more year won't kill anybody. But... I can see her point too : generally, you are supposed FIRST making sure you work well as a couple and getting rid of any doubts about marriage, THEN proposing. Otherwise, it's like telling her :" I want to marry you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you - er,uhm, ...if I don't change my mind sooner, that is ".
A bit of a downer,don't you think ?
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (28 March 2011):
 You have a very thoughful reason to want to hold off the wedding for a while and I am sure that she wil understand if you explain this to her. I say again that it would not be a bad thing to start planning anyway which may help along with the waiting. Weddings can take up to a year to plan unless they become a huge part of your life right away.
I see no negativity in you for holding off on the wedding and explaining this to your fiance would be best to do.
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A
male
reader, LunaticLove92 +, writes (28 March 2011):
LunaticLove92 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts not that im unsure or I dont love her, its just I think we have alot of financial problems since we're just now getting started off in the real world and I want to give her the best wedding possible...plus Ive seen many of marriages go up in flames and just want to know for sure we work or that she absolutely loves me...idk im a confusing person
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (28 March 2011):
Well, yes, if you go by etiquette and tradition. The idea would be that getting officially engaged is showing your committment not only to her but to the the world at large. Like : I mean business- I said I am gonna marry her AND I am doing it asap.
The idea would be too that's not fair to call dibs on a lady and put a sort of " reserved " sign on her - if then you are gonna keep her for ages twirling her thumbs waiting for her wedding day.
So, in what now seems like the Ice Age but in fact was just maybe 30 years ago, the "proper" time for getting engaged was 6 to max. 12 months before the actual wedding.
Later on, considering how terribly expensive and complicated weddings have become, and how much time their planning takes in the busy lives of today's working girls, the official engagement times have stretched a bit so 18- 24 months won't make Martha Stewart rise her eyebrows.
But longer than that .... what's the point of dragging your feet ? Why proposing if then you can't / won't carry out what you proposed ?
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (28 March 2011):
I think that most people have the mindset that when you get engaged that the wedding will follow within two years but planning starts soon after the engagement. You need to sit down and explain to her that you feel it would be better to hold off the wedding for a while so that you two can settle into life a little more. Also let her know why you proposed. I am assuming it is because you wanted to show your commitment to her and then explain why it would better the two of you to have the wedding later. This doesn't mean she can't start planning things and even contacting people or dress shopping its just that there are significant benefits to both of your well being that will come from a later wedding.
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A
female
reader, nazeena +, writes (28 March 2011):
Frist when you got engaged did you two talked after about how long you should wait before tieing the knot. I don't think that you have made a mistake at all. If you know that you want to spend the rest of your life with her then there is no mistake. You should express your feelings to her and tell her that the two of you should wait. Here what she has to say? or simple ask her why she is in a rush? Marriage is not a easy thing you need to be mentally and phyically prepared for it as it is another chapter of your life. "chill out" is not the right way to say it to a girl. We would get made and take it the wrong way. Like I said just have a talk with her, make see that you love her and will be there, so another year would not kill. Why is it that you don't want to get married now? It sounds more like your unsure?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): I don't think there is an average time. I do think when you ask someone to marry you, that it means you will marry as soon as it is convenient. Otherwise, why ask? I think you asked before you were ready and I hope she can understand that you have not changed your mind, that you are just no ready.
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