A
female
age
36-40,
*herryblossom00
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and we had a rough start. I admit we both didn't know about getting into a serious relationship at the beginning since we both came out of one pior.When we started dating he was still communicating to this girl in our class who totally liked him. He told me he was not interested in her but to only be friends. I do believe that because she is very young, dresses provocatively, loves attention but is very physically unattractive and not smart at all. He felt bad and pity for her like everyone else. Pathetically enough, it made him feel better about himself because there was someone worse off than him. So he like the attention and desperation she was giving to him. Anyways, one time I found a text msg on his cell from her saying, "What are you doing tonight... besides being on top of me?" (which never happened, she always just talks inappropriately like that). I told him if he wants to be in this relationship then he needs to act like only friends like her and nothing more. He goes off lying to her and feeding her ego by telling her that I told him not to talk to her anymore and that I deleted her number off his cell, which are all lies. He did constantly lied to me about talking on the phone with her and hanging out at her place and etc. It all still hurts to me of all the other lies he had told me. I know I shouldn't be in a relationship that was based on lies but I do care about him deeply and want to be with him. we have graduated from college a while ago and well he stop communicating with her about four months after we started dating and he has matured and i do feel like I can trust what he says and he has open up so much but I think my paranoia has gotten the best of me. At times I love being with him and am happy, but there are times when I am remind of the past and feel absolutely hurt and just want to be anger and hate him.How do I let go of all this resentment, so i can carry on with my life and in this relationship?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (28 March 2011):
 He broke your trust, plain and simple. How can you believe what he says if he goes off talking sexy to someone else, then lying to you and about you to her?
Don't call it your paranoia. I would consider his ease with lying a serious red flag. What else might he be lying about in his life?
There's also something else about this guy that really bothered me but you might not have considered. If it's indeed true that she was ugly as he said, and that he was lapping up her attention because he felt superior to her, and that he was truly lying up a storm to her, wouldn't that make him a user of women?
The way he mistreated her is disgusting, even if he wasn't dating you. That is an extremely ugly trait, and I wouldn't dismiss that for one red second.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): I am going through the same thing except that unlike your bf, mine has yet to delete or stop communicating with the other girl. For the sake of your relationship, give trust a chance if he went out of his way to prove his love to you. Stop thinking about the past unless and enjoy the future. You dont know how lucky you are. I pray for my bf to stop communicating with these girls because htat is our only issue and I know it will help rebuild the trust. I will not look back if he goes out of his way to prove his love to me. Not doing it is what is affecting me.
So yes, take time to breathe and really think about what you want.
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