A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I flipped out at my boyfriend for suggesting we have anal sex and now I feel really guilty. Did I overreact? We’re both 17. Last night he was round at my house and we were about to have normal sex but I realised I’d run out of condoms. So instead we stuck to foreplay. I climaxed pretty easily but was struggling to get him to climax. After about 10 minutes of stimulation we gave up as it just wasn’t happening. He was really frustrated that he couldn’t climax but there was nothing we could do. I said I really wished he could do it to me, to which he responded: “How about I f*** you up the arse instead?”I really didn’t take it well. I’ve always been repulsed by the idea of anal sex and would never in a million years ever consider doing it. I ended up getting really angry with him and said he was disgusting because of how vulgarly he said it as well. He was meant to spend the night with me but I told him to go home, even though he said sorry over and over. He’s sent me loads of texts this morning telling me again how sorry he is and I’ve just said we’ll speak later when I get home from college. I am beginning to think I was really harsh on him though, he didn’t know about my views on anal sex as we’ve only been going out for 2 months and the more I think about it the more I realise he wasn’t being vulgar in the way he suggested it, he was just trying to be kinky and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. I kind of feel like I owe him an apology. What do you all think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2019): I think it's great that you reacted the way that you did. It was a vulgar way of expressing himself and even if he is just reciting it from porn films he has watched, it is still not necessary to talk to your relatively new girlfriend that way.
He was talking to you like you're a piece of trash and the fact that you have thoroughly expressed your dislike of how he talked to you is fantastic and will teach him a lesson that you don't speak to someone in that way unless you have a solid relationship, know each other very well and therefore know that you're both ok with it.
He has a lot to learn and you have just taught him a very good lesson. You demand respect! Good for you! This kind of talk and treatment of women because of porn should be nipped in the bud just like you did.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2019): Young Lady, you are wise beyond your years! You should be a forgiving person though, and name calling is not proper! What your boyfriend wanted to do, is akin to going to McDonalds to get a meal, finding the restaurant closed for one reason or another, and deciding to just head out to the city dump, to scrounge up a meal. There should be a no entry sign on every behind: No In thru the Out Door! Of course this is just my opinion, but it is in agreement with yours. I commend you for taking a stand, for your dignity! My prayers for your future happiness OP!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2019): you don't have anything to be sorry for. you are 17 and he's watching too much porn. let him be sorry and don't apologise. This is an increasing problem. There was a study published in the british medical journal about it. https://metro.co.uk/2017/07/18/teenage-girls-pressured-into-painful-and-coercive-anal-sex-because-of-porn-6788524/
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (9 October 2019):
 I suspect he was probably repeating what he has heard in porn films or heard his mates say. The fact that he has apologized over and over shows he did not mean to upset you and is probably as mortified by your reaction as you were by the suggestion (and the way it was made).
If you like this lad, admit you over-reacted but, at the same time, stress that anal is NOT something you want to try. Then stock up on condoms so that you are not put in that situation again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2019): I agree with what others have said.
Just remember that GUILT has no place in a relationship.
If it is something you feel whenever you say no to your bf or anybody else for that matter, then there is pattern.
Now, what he said could be considered insensitive.
I don't know how you guys communicate, but if any of my bfs or my husband said something like that to me I'd considered it vulgar - not the act itself (although I am not a big fan of anal, that is more of a male fantasy), but the language. It's not sexy, it's not gentile, it's vulgar and aggressive. But that is MY opinion.
This does not make him vulgar and aggressive, people like different things and we all need to learn and respect each other's boundaries. It takes time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2019): You sort of answer your own question. You can't blame the guy for the old college try -- but you should stick to the line just below your vagina (sorry) -- don't do anything you don't want to do. Probably at some point you you'll be asked again -- maybe some other guy -- be ready with a more congenial answer -- maybe bring it up in conversation, "i don't go there." Also be ready for other kinky stuff you're not ready for. He should be getting the condoms -- but since he's not, don't run out again. Funny condom story: We get free free grocery pickup from a major retailer, we order online. We order condoms there too -- no big deal, right. Well they also have other slightly kinky stuff. And when they are out of something the person bringing out the order has to recite what they were out -- to my wife's embarrassment, loudly from the doc area: We were out of 1 - Chuck Roast2 - Vibrating Penis Rings Young lady employee "I'm sorry -- I'm just reading that now for the first time."
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 October 2019):
 Not really. Maybe calling HIM disgusting for suggesting it is a BIT over the top. A simple NO, I don't want to do anal, EVER, would have sufficed. YOU don't WANT to do or try anal sex and I think you should stick to your guns.
Some people enjoy it and good for them, but there are plenty of people who feel like you.
You are not OBLIGATED to do things sexually with him THAT you don't want to do.
I would (if I were you) APOLOGIZE to him for calling him disgusting and vulgar. He threw a suggestion out there to try something YOU have no interest in, no need to attack him for that. He has apologized, now it's your turn. And then LET it go.
And remember (horny or not) NO condoms means NO penetration.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2019): I think you've answered your own question in all honesty. The fact that you feel guilty shows that you probably did overreact just a bit. The reason he was being vulgar or kinky about it was because you'd just been kinky to him by saying how much you wished he could 'do it' to you.Fair enough you're repulsed by anal sex but it wasn't any reason to flip out and send him packing. Really all you had to say was 'No, I'm not into that'. So yes I think maybe you should apologize if you haven't already. He's done nothing wrong.Hope you two can make up and by the way it's refreshing to see how serious you both are about safe sex when you refrained from having full intercourse, it shows you're both definitely mature enough at 17 to handle a sexual relationship. Good for you.
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A
female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84 +, writes (9 October 2019):
He is a boy that is inexperienced in anal sex. It's not just about ramming it up there. It takes technique and relaxation skills to prepare the other person for that kind of sex.
Most important, both of you need to be on the same page sexually. Communication is the key to this.
Apologise for your reaction and make it clear that the way he asked you sounded insensitve and not well thought through. Boundaries are very important so make it clear what you will and won't do.
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