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I broke with my ex. Why do I want him to be sorry

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 October 2019) 5 Answers - (Newest, 10 October 2019)
A female United States age 41-50, *hiannon3 writes:

I finally broke up with my narcissist boyfriend. He was mean, controlling and made me miserable. He wanted me to gain weight and get thick. He never helped with the baby financially. He called me names. He never bought me anything. He was mean to my kids. He didn’t care if I got pregnant again as long as no condoms were involved. He treated me like I was an idiot. So I told him everything I was feeling. He simply said stay skinny and find a guy who likes it. He apologized for nothing when I was honest. So then why does it hurt so bad? Why do I want him to be sorry?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2019):

Narcissists don't apologize. It's not in their character, it's what makes them a narcissist.

Read your post out-loud to yourself a few times. You need to remind yourself why you broke-up with him; and realize if he was sorry, he wouldn't have treated you and your kids so badly.

Apologize to your kids for bringing that bad man into their lives!

He isn't sorry! The damage is done, and you're better-off without him or his empty apologies. If he said he was sorry, do you think he'd even mean it?

If he did say he was sorry, you'd weaken and take him back! I hope he never says he's sorry; so you'll totally get-over him!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2019):

He made you feel horrible, he degraded and emotionally abused you. you want him to feel bad because that's a normal human response. to want the person who hurt us to genuinely feel remorse. I doubt you'll get that from him, but in time, you won't need it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2019):

What worries me is that you fell for a guy like that in the first place and had a kid with him! And he had never bothered to lure you in before showing his real face.

He may be a bad guy in this story, but he didn't just "happened" to you. He's not a brick that fell on your had. YOU let him into your life AND in the lives of your kids!!!

Unless you deal with your issues, you'll end up again with some other guy, who will not be that different from this one.

You give a list of all the things that he didn't do and say how badly he treated you. Why did you put up with it? Why did you be with him? Why did you let him near you kids?

I am not judging you. But you need to find out the answers to these questions. Why did you think it was acceptable for you and your kids to be treated badly?

I think that you want him to feel sorry so that you know that you meant something to him. In a way you are still seeking his approval.

You'll grow out of it.

Work on yourself and your issues. Kids need a better example of how people should be treated.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (9 October 2019):

Honeypie agony auntWhy do you want him to be sorry?

Because HE made you feel bad, so you want HIM to feel bad too. It's kind of "normal".

However, what WOULD be better is KNOWING that you did the right thing in ending it. He isn't a good fit for you at all. both you and your kids deserve better.

So thank you lucky stars that he is no longer in your life and let it go. Focus on what's important. YOU and YOUR kids. No some selfish dude you dumped. Why care about him at all?

Chin up.

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A female reader, ConfusedCarrie84 United Kingdom +, writes (9 October 2019):

You cannot make someone feel something they can't. Learn from this. Never bow down to the demands of a man who wants you to change just so he is happy.

Move on with your life.

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