A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I just broke up with my bf today over his lying to me.He is being scammed at work by a coworker and loaned this guy nearly $5000! The guy disappeared and never paid him back.When I got wind of this he told me he had only loaned him $500. Then I found out the truth later on the end of December. He said he knew he was being conned. He promised me he would stop talking to this guy and to never lend him money again.I found out this am he lied to me again about this!I know this is his money to do with as he pleases as we aren't married but his lying and hiding things from me is a huge red flag of how he would act if we were married. Plus lying just betrayed any trust I had in him.I found out not even a week after he had come clean about how much he gave the guy, he went and gave the guy another $1000 in January!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I just found this out and confronted him on lying to me yet again.He wasn't a bit sorry about it and said he didn't have any idea why I was angry and I had no right to be angry as it is his money.I said you broke your promise to me and then lied repeatedly about it! I told him that I could no longer trust him and trust is the backbone of every relationship and I ended it.Was this the right thing to do as I had given him chances before and he kept lying to me? I tried to talk to him about his lying about other things and he never once apologized and justified his lies.
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female
reader, Mrs. Mom  +, writes (22 February 2009):
 I think you were right. Lying is really hard to deal with. The fact that he doesn't understand why it bothered for you shows a huge difference between your values and his that is not likely to be easily overcome.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): This is the OP. Thanks for all the replies.Yes I understand he was very embarrassed and ashamed of letting himself be scammed. To me, after he fessed up, it was all water under the bridge.The part that set me off and was the final straw was after telling me he knew he was being scammed and promising not to give this guy more money and promising he wouldn't talk to him anymore, he went right out not a week later and gave him another $900! I just don't understand why he was so gullible after he said he knew he was being scammed.Him breaking his promise and his continued lies about it was the final straw.He just couldn't seem to fathom why I was angry at him? Breaking a promise and then lying is why and that is what I told him.He didn't seem to get it.He broke my trust beyond repair. I hope giving the money to the con artist was worth losing me over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): You are probably better off without him, however, I think the reason he lied was because of his own shame, and embarrassment! No one likes to admit that they have been scammed!
Having said that...if he is lying to you then, he can't be trusted! So, yes, you did the right thing!
Trust and honesty are key in a healthy relationship, along with communication...apparently he lacks all these qualities! Time to move on!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): You are older than me and you will know what is right for you and what is not, already. If lying is his habbit, that is not a good thing. If he lied only about this, I think he is actually much better than the average guy. In this world people kill for money.. money is being god.. very rare to see someone not caring about money.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (22 February 2009):
 you can't doubt yourself. The trust is gone in the relationship. and without trust then the relationship is doomed. Everyone tell white lies because they can't own to the fact to what they did..but I would also be more bothered by how gullible he was to lend money after that guy took his money. that doesn't make sense.
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A
male
reader, lovelynightmare +, writes (22 February 2009):
 It was definitely justified. For a situation like that, a three strikes rule would suffice, and I counted four times (correct me if i'm wrong).
Finances is a big part of a relationship as well, and if he's lying to you in that area, you'd have to wonder how many other thing he could have been hiding as well. Sounds like your boyfriend is a problem gambler who bets on 0% odds, not good at all.
He's totally done, just push him aside and look to the future.
lovelynightmare
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A
female
reader, bettynotsweaty  +, writes (22 February 2009):
with the money, its possible that when he found out he was being conned, and wanted to hide how much he had been taken in, and then wanted to act like he hadnt ever been taken in (i.e that he'd known all along). i take it theres no way of him getting this money back? poor sod.
however, you say he lies about other things - its sounds like the main issue for you was not that he lied, but the fact that he does it all the time and seems to think its ok. if it was me then i would have done the same.
not only is he not the smartest (who gives a con artist another grand after he conned you the first time?!), but if he thinks its ok to lie to you about something that just makes him look silly, who is to say that he wont lie to you over other things?
get shot, and dont lend him any money!
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