A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a bit of a cuffuffle. I started talking to a lovely guy a few weeks ago, we have been on 3 dates and I stayed at his house last night. I'm 21 he's 31. We ended up getting naked and feeling each other. I noticed that when his penis is erect it is only about as long and wide as my little finger (I don't have big hands). We tried to have sex but it just didn't work, I coulden't feel anything. Instead he decided to suck on my nipples until they were raw and they still hurt :-( Since then, the feelings I had for him have just gone and I feel very disappointed. Sex is very important to me, I'm a young mildly attractive girl with a high libido and I cant stand the thought of not having penetrative sex. He also said the he had a 3 year relationship, and the first thing I thought of when I felt his penis was "How can a women have been satisfied for 3 years?"I cant imagine being in a relationship with this guy.He keeps phoning me and texting me asking why I havent called him since last night and I don't know what to say.How can I let him down gently without telling him about his small penis?
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libido, nipples, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011): when a man has a small penis you have to try positions that allow for deeper penetration like doggy style as these positions give more stimulation to the Gspot so be open with him not with the small penis thing, but that you prefer deeper penetration so together talk about positions that can enhance deeper penetration.another method - just sit down with your leg apart on a bed- make sure you are very wet-and allow him to stand and penetrate you. try these and see how it goes. make be an adventure.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): Truth is, he will sense that you want to break up with him, and that your decision occurred after you had sex. He is probably aware his penis is very small, so he will know this is the reason, regardless of whether you tell him or not. So my advice is not to tell him directly, but don't try to make up some elaborate plot either. Just say you don't feel chemistry. It's close to the truth, withough being directly focused on the sexual aspect of your dissatisfaction.
And I applaud you for not staying with him out of pity. You have a high libido, and a sexual appetite that needs to be satisfied by an average sized man or larger. This guy has a micropenis. He may find a woman who is not into sex as much, and they will be a better pair. You are doing HIM a favor by letting him go...trust me.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 No they can't be unattracted so quickly but they can be turned off by a below average dick. The OP chose to still proceed with sexual intercourse but he was still lacking. For some women, it's about size and that you know how to use it. She could very well still be attracted to him, it's just that sexually he doesn't do it for. So no it's not about being cruel or shallow, seeing as looks and attraction have nothing to do with this posting.
Would I be attracted to someone who had a physical or mental issue to where they weren't able to perform? I can still be physically attracted to them, but if they are unable to have sex then no I wouldn't get in a relationship with them.
Having a satisfying healthy sex life is an impertinent part of a relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi anonymous female. I do agree with you that sex is not the most important thing in the world, however its easy to say that when you have feelings for the person you are sleeping with. I didn't love this guy, so the "sex" we had was just giving into natural human lust.
I don't think 3 dates is too soon to sleep with someone. I'm not one to beat around the bush, life is too short!
From what you have said I can assume that sex for you isn't what it is for me.
I have made love with one person, and that was a girl who I loved very much, now she's gone.
Now, in this part of my life, I am enjoying sex as just sex. I don't sleep with just anyone, I like to have connections to people but I don't always associate sex with love. It can be about enjoying yourself too, and this can be with a partner who you aren't in love with.
Thanks for everyone's support.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 November 2010):
 Actually, if you're as blunt as me, a great way to solve to problem is to just ask what his penis size is. I sometimes ask men how large they are, before ever going to bed with them. That way you could decide whether it's worth it or not haha.
Size doesn't really matter, just to clarify that, but we need some size... no size doesn't count! Again, whatever women out there are happy with nothing, welcome, there's now at least one more single guy out there who has nothing to offer.
And for whatever man out there who's reading this, everything from 3.5-7 inches is typically ok and bearable. Although 7 inches and up is often uncomfortable, and I actually won't date men with large penises either. They don't give sexual please, but pain. Which is actually worse than a small guy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): what i'm saying is shallow is that she was attracted to the guy BEFORE she knew he had a small penis, then all of a sudden, she wasnt attracted to him anymore once she found out about his penis size....that just seems quite cruel to me, and people dont just stop being attracted so quickly...put it this way, would you stop being attracted to someone if they couldnt have sex for other reasons, such as if they had some sort of illness, mental or physical, and couldnt have sex because of it ? i would say that is discriminating, and so is this really...and yes, i have known people like that, but it hasnt stopped me from wanting to be with them...just my thoughts anyway....
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (2 November 2010):
Female anon, we're not here to judge when the OP slept with this guy nor to preach our personal views.. Myself, I usually sleep with them once before we're official just to make we're sexually compatible. Again what this posting is all about. This is what the OP did as well, and obviously it was a smart move. Why do on to date a man, months later down the road when you're ready to take that next step, only for him to drop his drawers and he's packing a cocktail weenie? I'll pass. So why not save time and a break up by finding out before hand? There's some things a woman has got to do.
OP, I figured he knew the initial problem..
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (2 November 2010):
 Way to break it off in as good a way as possible. I agree that sexual compatibility is very important and if you weren't compatible, then his penis size is irrelivant.
Since you're single again, and like guys of average size...
Just kidding. Hope you find someone who makes you happy!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 November 2010):
 Obviously you two don't have comparative sexual chemistry.
It could be first time jitters, but it could also be that you two just aren't well-matched.
If you do break up with him DO NOT mention his size.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): But, thats just it....sex isnt the most important thing in the world. I also wanted to add though that i think its bad that he sucked on your nipples so hard. If a guy really cares about you, he would make sure that he doesnt hurt you, and he would do that slowly.
i know it's not my business, but i cant understand why anyone would have sex with someone as quickly as you did though...i think sex should be with someone that you know really well, and who you love.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (2 November 2010):
I really think people should stop condescending. It's rather pathetic. Yes, sex is important. To those of you who think it's not, fine, it's not so important to YOU. For most of us living beings however, sex is important. Sexual satisfaction is important, and just by looking at other questions here on dearcupid you can see how many marriages fall apart because a couple is not sexually compatible. So stop judging what you do not know anything about. I will ask you, have you ever sacrifised your sexual happiness because you PITIED a man with a small penis? If his penis works for some women, great for them. But let the man free to find those who can apprechiate his nipple sucking then. There's notihng wrong at all, or shallow at all, about realizing what you want out of a man/relationship/sex, and move on. I think those of you who sit on a high horse either have sexual complications yourselves, or have just never been in this situation before. Perhaps you should try having sex with someone you aren't physically attracted to whatsoever and tell yourselves its "shallow" to not get aroused by it. Your brain might get tricked to thinking it's great, your body however knows the truth.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your advice.
I have spoken to him about how my feelings for him arn't strong enough to want to get into a relationship and he appeared to be fine with it. He said that it happens sometimes and he has experienced that with other girls. So we have agreed to discontinue our dating.
The problem was "No watered down advice" that he didn't please me with his tongue and he didn't get the job done. His penis didn't reach the bit in my vagina that gives me pleasure and I don't enjoy receiving oral sex.
I'm not going out looking for a guy with a HUGE penis. I just want to find a guy who can pleasure me and who I can pleasure In return! The men I have slept with before this guy were very averaged sized (4-6 inches)
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (2 November 2010):
 Dump him...for his sake, but as the others say don't tell him he is bad in the sack. When you get older, or your life becomes more complicated then you will come to understand that sex isn't everything. However, since you are not very forgiving of his lack of ability in the bedroom then it is time to call it quits. He can find a girl who doesn't mind about that sort of thing. You can find a man with a super-king size whopper that makes you walk like a camel for a week after you have had sex :-)
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female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (2 November 2010):
 I can't see the BIG deal with not wanting a guy because his penis is small! If a man can use his short "TONGUE" and get the JOB DONE then SURELY,a SMALL PENIS when used correctly will get the job done! BUT,I GUESS IT'S "DIFFERENT STOKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS" IJS!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone,
Thanks for all your advice.
I agree with the statement "he may have a small penis but may know how to use it". However, the size is incredibly small and couldn't hardly feel it when we were trying to have sex.
He tried to make up for it by going down on me, which he wasn't great at either and sucking on my nipples which has left me unable to wear a bra today!
I don't think I am being pathetic. Having a small penis has nothing to do with looks. I am not going to sacrifice my sexual happiness because I feel bad that he has a small penis. I am not a martyr. We are not in a relationship, we don't love each other. We have only been on 3 dates and had sex once! You think that I should spend the rest of my life with him because breaking it off with someone you no longer have sexual feelings for is pathetic and shallow?!
My sex life is important to me..sacrificing it because I feel guilty is ridiculous!
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (2 November 2010):
It's not shallow and its really not about looks. It's about sexual compatibility. That matters just as much as personal compatibility.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): http://www.dearcupid.org/pages/answer-guidelines.html
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (2 November 2010):
I agree you shouldn't tell him its because of his penis or lack of skills in bed. But I also agree this is a huge turnoff and you definitely should not be with him. Maybe try calling him or meeting up with him to break it off. Its better to do it in personal than over a text message, just out of respect to him.
Feed him the usual line. Let him know you like him and he's a great guy, but you just don't feel the spark, or you realized after your night together you like him better as a friend and don't have the romantic feelings for him. Tell him you don't think it is fair to him to continue seeing him as you already know you wont have deeper feelings for him.
The leave it at that. If he asks if it is because of his penis, or skills in bed, deny it! Deny deny deny. Then excuse yourself with having to go, and wish him the best of luck and good health and all that. Give him a hug if it feels appropriate.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (2 November 2010):
 There is no need to tell him exactly why you are ending it, he deserves an explantion but not the exact why and how. There are loads of reasons you could give him, here are a few suggestions:
1. We are not sexually compatible and this is a big deal to me in a relationship (this is the most honest reason and honesty is the best policy, but this could result in a lot of questions so be prepared!)
2. I dont feel that we are compatible for a relationship so I am afraid I think we should stop seeing each other (this is relatively close to the truth, if he asks you could say you dont have enough in common, he is not what you are looking for in a partner etc)
3. You dont feel as strongly for him as you would have hoped after 3 dates therefore you dont want to give him false hope by continuing to see each other (this is fairly truthful as well!)
I think option 3 might be the best bet - you have said in your post that all your feelings for him have gone so this would be telling the truth, and it seems kind because you are basically just saying "I'm not that into you" and that you dont want to string him along.
Dont be tempted to go for the "I'm just not ready for a relationship" generic style line, as that can be a massive can of worms. He might see you out on a date another time, and that would be upsetting for him. Or he might try and stay in your life by saying "thats ok, I'm happy to keep it casual etc" - so honesty (to an extent!) is the best option.
I know how you feel in this situation - I dated a guy with a tiny penis, and I just couldnt hack it so I ended it with him. It was hard and uncomfortable to do (I hate breaking up with people, I'm useless at it!) but I felt so much better once I had. And then a few months later, he was in a relationship and he has been with that girl for years now! I cant understand how some girls can put up with such small penises, but I guess each to their own! For some girls obviously sex is not as much of a priority and they can get some enjoyment from a smaller penis. But for other girls, bad sex is a deal breaker and there is no shame in that!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (2 November 2010):
You could tell him you don't like having your nipples sucked off and that turned you way off. Oh wait, you said let him down gently... What Tennisstar88 said.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (2 November 2010):
Well you certainly can't tell him it's because of his small penis!
I would make up an excuse, like the 10 year age difference bothers you, or tell him you guys have already jumped into the sack too fast which has caused you to lose interest. I'm sure he's aware that his appendage is below average, and he'll know that's the reason. Good luck!
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male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (2 November 2010):
Hi may have a small penis but may know how to use it....why dont you try at least once...who knows he may surprise you!!
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