A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello all :(I'm really not sure what to do anymore regarding a man i've been seeing , or where any of my strength has gone.We started seeing each other casually about 10 months ago , hooking up now and again and grew quite close. i 've been there for him a lot , that's my nature with everyone, but i feel like over the last 3 months we've really bonded, and he says i'm his best friend. He's also told me how i'm the sweetest girl he's ever met and how he hopes he has me for life , we do the casual love ya's. As we didn't plan to get into a relationship from the start i never approached it and him either , he's always been inconsistant with texting or returning calls , but that's just how he is and has been from the beginning. We've always flirted the last year even though he's very emotionally distant, and as soon as i distance myself i find he pays more attention.Anyway safe to say i've fallen in love with him , however his relationship status changed in recent months and he's now in a relationship , was very aloof with giving me details of it as best friends would , and hardly found out anything. Anyway we was texting back and forth one night about me being a bridesmaid , and he asked if i needed a date for the wedding , i told him its a while away and how would his new gf feel? he said she knows were best mates so no need to be like that. Then we talked more and more the coming week , he initiated coming to mine to snuggle up and bantered back and forth, and we arranged a night with a dvd and a catch up. Well i saw him last weekend , and i feel like we've bonded massively, it was much more relaxed than previous times and he was talking of working near me and staying with me. When he walked in i got the biggest hug ever , and we chatted for hours. The thing is i was about to put a dvd on and he asked wether we were going to watch it in bed , i said we can if you want , and we ended up cuddling up intimately all night , nothing more than that , but it was enough to make me fall for him again , im just so stuck in limbo and his feelings for me , i dont know what to do anymore. The GF apparantly lives miles away and he barely see's her , says they have a lot in common yet he comes to me when he needs a shoulder etc or help with things , it's like i'm in a none committed relationship. I love him to bits , when we're together it feels so right , when we're apart i'm a pining mess, what do i do? He must know i have a soft spot for him, im exhausted. xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): Girl this man is messing with u, u'll never be anything to him if u keep on playing these stupid games of his. He only wants to use as substitute for when his girlfriend is not around so he comes to you to fill that void. not that you are or would be anything more than that to him. Tell him to stop coming to you separate yourself from him for a while u don't have to tell him ur a taking a break but just say u're busy. u'll see when he don't have u in his life he'll also see if he can make a decisions on whether he can leave without u or he can it's actually a make or break deal. All in all you'll know where u stand with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionand yes you're all right , i do need to tell him how i feel , there is definately something there , and it's like when he feels something he distances himself which causes so much hurt and confusion , it's almost as if he doesnt even know what he wants ... I wasn't expecting to be cuddling up the other night , which is why it's shown me he can't resist either , its gone on too long for there not to be?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi guys , thanks for your responces , but i might have caused you to get the wrong end of the stick , he isn't getting married , he's only been with her for 4 weeks , its my friend who is getting married and me who is bridesmaid , yet he casually asked if i wanted escorting to the wedding by him , even though he has a gf .... I kind of feel like he likes me too , and almost like he's chosen a girl so far away due to commitment issues? but i do feel we have a bond , he comes to me so often and not his gf , i just dont understand it but it hurts xx
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A
female
reader, RN04  +, writes (2 November 2010):
I think you need to be honest about your feelings for him. If he tells you that he does not feel the same and that he only wants to be friends, then you need to make it clear that the snuggling and physical aspects of the relationship need to go away. Tell him that it is sending you mixed signals and you love him enough as a friend that you don't want to lose him, but that it is hurting you that you can't be together in a dating relationship.
However, maybe he will tell you that he feels the same and dump the girlfriend and go out with you. :)
Either way, it's going to involve you telling him how you feel. It's the only way to move forward.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): He does not love you. He just likes you as a friend he can snuggle up to when his GF is not around. If you feel uncomfortable, you can tell him that you dont want to be his bridesmaid. If you want to be 'just friends', you can continue hanging around with him. If you want some romance and get married, you are best off looking for someone else.If he sees you with someone else, he may come back to you. continue the way you are going and you'll only have heartache,
Cheers
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): Aww I feel for you! its just one f those things where you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Why don't you just invite him over and tell him how you feel.
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