A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello Everyone, I do everything for my husband. I get up before him to make him breakfast, I make sure the house is tidy I fold his laundry, I run him baths, I shave him sometimes as he finds it tedious. As well as household duties I also write him letters, e-mails, never forget an anniversary, buy him gifts for no reason just to suprise him. On his birthday and x-mas I spend a lot of money and time picking out his gifts. I hug him as much as I can and give him kisses and tell him how amazing he is In short, I make him feel like the most special man on the planet and the light of my life. But I do not get this in return. He has never written me a love letter or even a post it. In fact, he does not even say he loves me. He never has and when I broached the subject he was insulted that I needed to ask, reason being that he would not have married someone he didnt love. Also, we have a 'half' rule which means that I pay for half of everything. He does not support me financially- this was my idea as I wanted his business to take off and him to become financially independent- and in order for him to do that I thought that if I paid for half of everything it would be less burden on him. THe ONLY thing that I ask for in return is his company. Now, he is usually in his head a lot and very busy with work (he works from home) so sometimes he will forget I am around and we will end up not speaking for hours. (although to be fair I do spend a great deal of my time in my study reading). Also he will promise to do things with me but sometimes his work will take over and we will run out of time. I have spent hours just waiting to spend some time with him. Okay, so the issue I have is that when he was with his old gf he spent lots of money and time and attention on her. I know he told her he loved her too. So I know he is capable of this, but he just cant seem to do it with me. Any input? I do not want to leave him, just what you guys think of this situation. Sometimes I feel SO unappreciated.
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (19 September 2009):
 This is pathetic.
You need to respect yourself more. He is being very ridiculous and childish.
Talk to him and give him a month to change, at which point if he doesn't, divorce him.
Find yourself a good guy. You can do better than that. You are still a woman with her own gifts, talents, beauty, and worth.
You have the right to be happy.
A
male
reader, MansPointofView  +, writes (19 September 2009):
I am not sure that he is taking you for granted. Does he know that you feel this way? Maybe he doesn't know what you expect for gratitude in return.
take a look at this post for a mans point of view
http://relationshiprescue.profitcenter-online.com/2009/09/19/gratitude-lack-of-communication/
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A
male
reader, twistedelm +, writes (29 May 2009):
I dont know where to start but he is very lucky to have you; you sound like an organizer and he sounds like he wouldnt know where to start? (He may be good in business but not in some other things). Im only asking but is what you expect a good expectation from him? I dont know you so I have to be careful what I ask. This might help you to look outside the box? Some men do better with pressure(in business) than without it/-it pushes them to perform or produce. Yet some men do better without it. You know your mans choices better than anyone? I tend to agree with you about " no kickback". Maybe he just doesnt know that actions speak louder than words--I thought everyone knew that one. You could take him out to eat/ maybe this wll get him started? good day
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): my husband would sit on his arse all day an have me and his mother do everything and think this is acceptable yet he says we are selfish how bizzare is that
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A
male
reader, rocknroll +, writes (27 May 2009):
Every mans dream once in a while.
Have you spoken to him about it. if you haven't, then getting all worked up doesn't do either of you any good and will only harm the relationship.
You need to renegotiate the relationship. You have given him time for his business and now, he needs to start returning the favor.
I do not know either of you, but i would suggest that most men, even though it is nice having laundry done, would prefer to spend time with their wife. Communication is important, you can't read each others mind. My broke down one time crying "I need help". I was mad, and told her why in the hell you waited this long to say something and in the meantime wear yourself out? Helping around the house has never been an issue since. So don't wait until you have a nervous breakdown, beause then, it makes him feel like the bad one; the problem, when you are just as responsible and need to tell him you need help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): Again guys thank you for all the input!
I have asked for some attention and also asked if he appreciates what I do for him- his answer was
'' Only do the things you want, don't do anything you do not want to'' Plus I think he was a little insulted that I asked if I appreciated all the things I do for him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): Again guys thank you for all the input!
I have asked for some attention and also asked if he appreciates what I do for him- his answer was
'' Only do the things you want, don't do anything you do not want to'' Plus I think he was a little insulted that I asked if I appreciated all the things I do for him.
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A
male
reader, unclezak  +, writes (27 May 2009):
Why should only the finances be split halfway? HE is obviously taking you for granted. You're probably doing the shaving so you can spend some precious time with him This is totally unacceptable. waht will happen if you fall ill or have a child? You need to cut back on what you are doing for him adn start demanding more attention.
Does he show appreciation on the little things you do? How abotu miossing an anniversary/birthday and if he asks just tell him you love him? Or maybe relate that to him.
As a married male I initially read your situation and thought wow I wich my wife would be like that but then realised I'd end up hating it and perhaps even myself for being so dependant!
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A
female
reader, Lani702 +, writes (27 May 2009):
 Oh honey, stop. What do you get when you give a child everything in the world? A spoiled brat. And what you have on your hands is a grown up spoiled brat. You shave him because he finds it tedious?? Stop, I can't take it.
Stop doing anything for him. Stop doing his laundry, buying him gifts, writing him love letters. Stop it ALL. He has to EARN your affection, from this moment on. Find a hobby, leave the house, you don't need him to have a life. He has to earn the right to spend time with YOU. Easier said then done, right? Not really. Leave today. Go to a bookstore. Stay and read. Join a book club. Join a bridge club. Join a health club. Get busy with your life! He will notice you more and want to be with you more. If thats what you want. But my secret wish is that you'll get so busy enjoying your life that you won't want him anymore. Try it for a month...for one month, don't do anything for him....don't be anywhere he is. In one month, you'll see a change. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): You know what, if I was him I wouldn't bother either and I'm female! You know why, because you do EVERYTHING for him, and you don't seem to complain you don't get anything back or at least cut back on what you do for him. Why keep on doing all these things?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): deffinately agree with the others on this. My relationship was like that for the first three years, i treated him like a king thinking the more i showed how much i loved him, he would show me in return, the more he diddnt return it the more i did. I stopped it all (only did the basics such as washing his clothes with mine...) After a week of this he asked me what was wrong, and i told him that i did not feel he appreciated what i did for him so i decided not to bother and concentrate on myself. He got the message, and now for the past two years he shows me that he does appreciate it, i get a kiss and a thankyou, he occasionally runs my bath, and comes out of his office (just for a moment or two mind) to give me a hug, and even asks me how my day has been. a massive improvement to what he used to do. Men do tend to assume that we know they appreciate what we do. go on stop doing all the little extras, you will see an improvement. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): Hey, I posted the question and thank you guys for all the input.
I do know that he loves me in his own weird way. Plus he is very loyal and very very trust worthy. I know that whatever happens, he will never ever cheat on me or do somthing that goes against our vows. I just wish I got more attention!!!
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A
female
reader, EBM2008 +, writes (27 May 2009):
 Like kellyxxx said, stop doing these things for him. He's taking you for granted, and will soon realize how wrong he is not to appreciate you. When he askds why you stopped doing ______ you can show him your question, printed out, so that the will see exactly how you feel. I've found that writing down feelings is much better than arguing out loud. It has worked for me in the past. I wish you the best!
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (27 May 2009):
 Stop doing all of these things, I know it will be hard for you at first but just stop this. Then he will realise how much you actually do for him, and to an extent he will feel unloved! Stop telling him that you love him. Eventually he will get the message, I have been in the same situation. X
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