A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am living with my boyfriend and I just went to use his computer. He works in online marketing so I was aware there would be a lot of things in that nature that I would see BUT I saw that he has been on web cam sex sites - I doubt he needs to go to those sites in order to do his job. I feel disgusted and not sure what to do. I feel like that is another form of cheating and to be honest our sex life isnt that fantastic. Not by my doing but he only wants to have sex maybe twice a week. I am really not sure how to handle this. I am wondering have I gotten myself into to much of a commitment with someone whom I seem not to know as well as I thought.
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female
reader, honeybunchesofoats  +, writes (24 September 2013):
It's not cheating. What it probably is, is your man may have some fetish that you're not into, or he's too embarrassed to talk about. I wouldn't take it too seriously. In order for those girls to do anything with him, he needs to pay.
Most men like amateurs more then porn because it's more realistic. It doesn't mean you're ugly. It doesn't mean you should become self-conscience about yourself and your relationship. He's a guy, and he likes variety. He likes to jerk off.
A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (20 October 2011):
 I agree with a lot of the responses. Definitely talk to him about it and ask him if he really is going on those sites. But also know that ads for sex cam sites pop up a lot on many porn sites. And when you have the talk, use more "I feel..." statements versus accusatory statements. There is a better chance he will talk with you rather than ball up. And lastly, sex twice a week is average in your age group for cohabitating partners. You could try asking for more if you feel unsatisfied.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 October 2011):
 Yep: Ask.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 October 2011):
 You should ask him. NOT CONFRONT HIM... but like Chigirl said ASK....
and btw sex twice a week for a couple in their 30s living together sounds pretty ok to me.
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A
male
reader, bmt1380 +, writes (19 October 2011):
In your question you mentioned he is in online marketing. have you noticed how many ads are in those type of sites? its big business so it may be for work. ask him more about what he does for the online marketing thing and go from there. and just a lil other tidbit of advice, dont fault him for his solo practices if that is what he uses those sites for, would you want him to fault you for your own private solo practices?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 October 2011):
 If I were you I'd have him in for a talk at the principals office immediately. He's been a naughty boy, that's for sure. But it might not be as serious as you fear. Perhaps a warning will be sufficient.
If a warning doesn't make him straighten up his act then you are free to cut him out should you please to.
Something like this perhaps: "I used your computer here earlier. And I found these sites you've been going to. I find it unacceptable, and do not approve of the use of such sites when in a relationship." Be direct and keep it simple. Online sex cameras and what not can be classified as the gray zone, and these incidents will come up. When they do you clarify where each one of you stands on the matter and find your solutions. Either he cuts out the behaviour or he cuts out the relationship, simple. But don't attack him with it. Like I said, it's within the gray zone, he could be of the belief that "what she doesn't know wont hurt her", and now is your time to set it straight. But a warning is in order before you kick him out.
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