A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have dealt with serveral relationships where the trust with my significant other has been broken. I am in a relationship now that my boyfriend has done nothing to make me not trust him (we have been together just over a year now) however, when he left his facebook up I went snooping. I knew it was a wrong, but it was as though I thought that the fact that he was so honest and I did trust him it seemed too good to be true. I didn't really find anything except one conversation that had some weird comments to a girl saying she was a bombshell and that he couldn't stop thinking of his photos. I approached my boyfriend about it and aske who she was without saying I found anything and he was like umm, she was a girl I went to highschool with, and i asked about the conversation and he said somtimes one of his friends would go onto his account and start random conversations with people to be funny. Then he asked why I had snooped through his stuff and I felt bad, and he asked if why if I had been feeling self-concious why didn't I just ask to see his facebook. I felt bad immediately, and I believe him, but I can't get it out of my head. What doesn't help either is that he recently told me in the past he one cheated on a past girlfriend right before he broke up with her. I don't think he'd ever cheat on me, he is really trusting with me when I hang out with other guys, and I want to have complete trust in him but I can't help feeling scared. I don't really know what to do.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 October 2011):
Realistically, I don't think you're in a good position to be in a relationship at this time. You simply have too many trust issues to make this work, and I think you need time alone to work on those before you can commit. I'm also not sure at your choice in men, either. Your trust has been broken several times before with other guys, and whilst this one hasn't done anything, it's interesting that you've chosen someone who previously cheated - indicating that long term he might be a bad choice. The fact that you had to snoop shows that you are just not in a good position. The fact that you found one conversation out of many and you focused on it is another sign that you're not ready. The fact that you then had to confront your boyfriend about it is the third sign.
I think you need to be alone so you can work with someone professional about your trust problems. Because they're not getting better and you're just torturing yourself needlessly. Also, at some point, your boyfriend might come to very much resent that you don't trust him.
You need to be alone to work on your trust issues. It's unrealistic to expect that a relationship will work whilst you have these problems. You didn't trust your boyfriend and haven't in a year, and the snooping is just the start because now it'll get worse for you.
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