A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need URGENT advice here, Me and and my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years were due to view an apartment this evening which had been planned a few weeks ago. We were hoping to move into this apartment on 24th April, very soon. There has been a lot of planning and effort into this to make sure it's the right decision. My boyfriend's brother's girlfriend is about to give birth any day. My boyfriend's brother drives, but his car is getting fixed at the moment. I texed my boyfriend to come up to my parent's house after work and we'll go to view the apartment as planned, and he texed saying 'sorry love, have to take my brother, my mum and dad up to hopsital, my brother's girlfriend is being kept in...Am I wrong to be absolutely FURIOUS at this?? I am very, very close to his family, and am excited for the new arrival too - but really? What has it got to do with my boyfriend? He's such a pushover and I'm so angry that this is (to me) an equally important step in our lives, which has now been dropped. As i mentioned, this has been planned for months, I know for a fact his brother has SEVERAL other alternatives to get to the hospital. Am i being unreasonable? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Vicci +, writes (27 March 2010):
 no, i dont think you understand yet.
I get you miscarried, and that is hard.But if it is really making you unhappy, what sort of commitment are you giving by not telling your boyfriend how you feel?
seeing someone give birth is breathtaking, and its a big deal to become an uncle. Also, maybe he wanted to learn from the experience so he will be good if you two decide to have children.
if you make a big deal out of something that was important to him, how is that being in a good relationship?
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 March 2010):
 It's very hard to miscarry a baby and then have to watch someone have twins, I can feel your pain with that. But I also think that has clouded you vision and judgement so you do seem rather selfish and unreasonable. You will be making a grave mistake if you push this issue with your boyfriend. I also think perhaps moving in together is a tad premature if you are doubting his commitment to your relationship. If you look at the time he spends with family as time taken away from you, you are going to be often very disappointed and very unhappy. This "apartment viewing" was just the smoke screen and not the real cause for your anger.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): As I read your reply I can tell that you are not getting it, its sad to think how insecure you might feel. Having had a miscarriage yourself you should understand how hard and sad that is. His brother is expecting twins and more often than not twins are born premature do you have an idea how dangerous that is. Personaly I'm glad his brother has his support because as it can be seen you are probably going to try and keep him from his family IMPORTANT events. I really hope that one day the tables don't turn because remember what you give out is what you get back and being selfish is not going to benefit you at all. I really hope you change and be there when those twin arrive this earth be there and be happy with a camara supporting your man and your future inlaws.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (24 March 2010):
 ps
and obviously the fact that your viewing was part of a pre-arranged plan is neither here nor there - babies come when they want or need to, and nobody can plan when.
and as for the several other alternatives to get to hospital - don't you realise that it wasn't just about a lift to the hospital? it was about being there to support his family - he wanted to be with them at this time.
ok, i will stop now, as i am starting to think you should know all this yourself ...
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (24 March 2010):
i guess you don't yet realise how some things in life just overshadow everything else in terms of importance. people having babies, being ill, or dying, sort of change the day and the priorities. luckily in this case, it is for a happy reason - hopefully. but if the girlfriend is being 'kept in', then it could also be because she needs looking after - so it is GOOD that your boyfriend and his family wanted to be at her side.
forget stressing about your viewing for a moment (i know you are annoyed about missing it, but sometimes you have to stow your annoyance because something else is more important - and i know this isn't your baby, but it is a baby in your boyfriend's family). think. how would you want people to behave when you were taken into hospital and having a baby? how would you feel if your boyfriend had no car and his brother wanted to help, and his brother's girlfriend got all annoyed that he was helping out instead of being with her? what would you think of her? at the very least you would think she was pretty ungenerous and quite selfish.
do you want your boyfriend and his family to think this about you?
i'm afraid this is one of those time when you have to tell yourself to behave better, and differently. to forget yourself, and think of someone else, who needed help and her family. i hope she and the baby were/are ok. and you know you can rearrange the viewing.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 March 2010):
I'm afraid so. You can reschedule the house. You can't reschedule the fact he has just become an Uncle. Don't pick a fight you can't win. This, you won't win.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): You are, babies don't always come on a schedule, and you can reschedule looking at an apartment, plus there are multiple apartments available I am sure of it.I don't think you are ready to move in together. You are not engaged, he hasn't put a ring on your finger and asked you to be the ONE he wants to be with forever.Your possesive attitude is just an indication of your insecurity with his level of committment to your relationship and your deep down knowledge that you are in fact over invested.Step back, forget the apartment and remain a dating couple until you have a stronger foundation of friendship and commitment to your relationship, otherwise, moving in together will be an end not a beginning to something with your boyfriend.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (24 March 2010):
 Yes, I think you are being unreasonable. You can look at an apartment any day (maybe this one you can ONLY see today, but come on, think big picture), but the birth of a new life is a once in a lifetime experience. I completely agree with everyone here and especially 'Eyes' who reminds you to PICK YOUR BATTLES. This time, you need to be the warm, loving girlfriend who understands the excitement his family must be feeling right now. Your boyfriend is a total sweetheart, by the way, being such a part of this important event. He must be psyched about becoming an Uncle!
So, either you check out the apartment by yourself and take the camera with you so he can look through the pictures, or you can postpone the viewing and instead go out and buy a cute gift for the new baby and new mom to bring to the hospital!! Good luck, sweetness.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): **I am the author of this post**
Thank you for your answers everyone, I wrote my question in haste as I was rushing out the door to view the apartment alone. I would like to give you all more information in the hope that you can see my point of view. We have spent months and months in preparation for this, and today was very important; there was no way of rescheduling with us supposedly moving in so soon.
His brother's girlfriend is not due any day as i said in the post, she is not due to have her baby until the end of the month, and she is not in labour right now. Or anything of the sort. She is having twins and from what i know now, there was a small complication but she is being discharged tonight. I come from a huge family and have 7 nieces and nephews and am very understanding of the family bond. I am equally close to his and have put some effort into preparing for the new borns and i am ofcourse very supportive.
I was pregnant myself for a few months when i miscarried the day I found out his brother's partner was expecting twins. I have kept to myself how hard this was, and how hurtful the family's fussing over these babies when i felt it hard to deal with the loss of my own.
My boyfriend went through this with me. As you answered saying he wants to be there for the babies or to be an uncle, that is not the case- he just dropped our plans when he didn't need to. He is a great, great guy, but what sort of commitment is that to us when he can't be there to view an apartment?
Like i said, i am hugely close to his family- plenty of them drive without my partner having to do it for them- when he knew the importance of tonight.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): Very Unreasonable this is the birth of his niece/nephew and he is showing and giving his brother his support. Don't jeopardize your relationship for something like this because this shows how important family is to your boyfriend and you might be the one who loses be more reasonable with your boyfriend and understand that he had a family he had one before he met you and until he puts that ring in your finger your still not part of his family and just imagine having everyone in his family against you for not wanting to share him for family gathering and events. Put yourself in his shoes and think were you reasonable.
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A
female
reader, 333 +, writes (24 March 2010):
I think you're overreacting. Don't get me wrong, I know this must be super important for you.. but his brother's gf is having a baby. He is trying to be nice. Chill out, i'm sure he loves you.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 March 2010):
I think your boyfriend is really excited about becoming an uncle. See if you can get a rain check on viewing the apartment. You need to remember to pick your battles and not to sweat the small stuff. A new baby is a very big deal to most families. This wouldn't be a battle I would choose to fight.
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A
female
reader, Vicci +, writes (24 March 2010):
To be honest, i think you are.
HIS BROTHERS HAVING A BABY.
why would he not want to be there? your house viewing can easily be rescedualed, stop stressing.
(:
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