A
female
age
51-59,
*uzuki
writes:Hey everyone..would appreciate a little help..Im 38 and just realised Im more than likely never going to meet Mr Right or have children..and I dont know if I like that. Ive probably never actually sat down and thought about it before now, but after a spate of relationship disasters that span over 8 years of weird, lying, jealous or just not right in the head men..Im sort of worried. I have done the whole itmust be me'thing, but I dont want to sound big headed, but I have everything going for me! Grant it i dont go out a lot, but when I do I just meet men that are drunk and losers, no matter how classy the bar or club is..and so the cycle continues..I am lonely..but Im not desperate and refuse to do the whole internet thing as where I live is a small area and everyone knows everyone and It would be common knowledge very quickly..What I dont want to do is give up hoping it may happen as I think as soon as that happens I may start wearing elasticated skirts and just let myself go and be prepared for a life long meal making for one ! Just wondering if anyone out there has met their prince in their late thirties..or is it just so much harder cause all the good men are either gone, married or am I seen as a weirdo as soon as I tell someone my age, they think there must be something wrong with me for being unmarried and having no children at 38? Any advise would be helpfull xx
View related questions:
drunk, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (8 October 2010):
Hello again. Instead of feeling that should be married and with children at age 38, just because of pressure from society and your parents, how about asking yourself these questions:-
(1) Do I really want to be married?
(2) Is marriage and kids what I really want?
(3) Would it make me truly happy?
(4) Am I truly happy already?
(5) Amy I lonely?
If you can ask yourself these questions, and then be completely truthful with your answers, only then can you move on from there and make a choice for your future. It can only be your decision, no-one else's. In making a choice, don't be influenced in any way by what other people say. Ignore them altogether - it's not their business anyway.
What it really comes down to is your genuine happiness. What makes you happy. Have a think about it.
Please, like I was suggesting to you in my previous posting, seriously consider taking up some hobbies and interests. You will naturally meet lots of people there anyway.
If you do want (your choice only), to meet some nice eligible worthy men, doing hobbies and having interests will put you in a place where you could either meet men there, or friends or relatives of those people. It's a possibility.
In any case, the more varied you make your life, the more people you will meet and the more chances of meeting men. But definitely stay away from pubs and bars.
Hope this helps you also. Best wishes.
A
female
reader, suzuki +, writes (7 October 2010):
suzuki is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust want to say thanks to everyone who gave me advice..Dont feel so bad now..
I suppose society rules when we should be married and have kids and its hard to get a away from that peer pressure even in your 30 plus years, you would think you left that behind in your teens!!
And your right as some of my friends are so jealous that Im single and have no kids and Im auntie to all their children so Im lucky to have that and I love them all like they were mine anyway, but I can give them back !! I think it just hit me when I turned 38 the other day and my mum thought I was 35..and when I told her she was wrong she nearly had a heart attack and started on at me about grandchildren..my sister has severe learning difficulties so Its down to me to reproduce..no pressure !! It will happen when its ment to..and if it doesnt..well that was ment to be also..and there is nothing you can do to rush or push fate xx thankyou xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Modern Matisse +, writes (7 October 2010):
Wow, you sound almost like me!! I am unmarried, no kids and I have just turned 40. I seem to have only ever attracted losers and weirdos. I too am not interested in internet dating (again, I would probably only attract every loser that exists online). Many people find it surprising that I am single as I would be considered to be a pretty good catch. I have never felt the need to just make do with any one so that I felt I fitted in.
As much as I would love to have children I cannot see myself having them unless it is with the right man. I have four nieces/nephews who I absolutely adore so they certainly make up for it. I believe things happen for a reason and as much as my life is somewhat pathetic I am glad I am not one of those women who married the first guy who came along and ended up divorced ten years later (one such woman on meeting me called me 'one of the smart ones!!). Some of my older relatives think I'm too fussy, but I say 'too many people aren't fussy enough-look at the divorce rate!'.
And remember we are in 2010, it is no longer the fifties/sixties when women's options, socially and financially, were extremely limited unless they were married. It's no longer so weird to be an older, single woman - there is virtually nothing you can't do as a single woman these days.
I know it's hard and at times you may feel that you are the only one in your predicament but believe me there are plenty of women in the same boat. Just keep living your life to the full, have fun with your friends, enjoy the freedom you have to do what you like and you never know Mr. Right may just appear. It hasn't happened for me but unlike my 'jaded' friends who have been through the wringer I remain open to the possibilities. And whatever you do, please don't start wearing elasticized skirts...fashion too has come a long way for women of our age. Chin up and good luck!!
...............................
A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (7 October 2010):
 i think it means you have high standards and hav'nt gone for the first guy that came along.
or you could be looking in the wrong places. bars and clubs are great if you want to get laid, but very few people meet their life partners there.
relax, and it will happen.
...............................
A
female
reader, goodbyehello93  +, writes (7 October 2010):
 This 'stage' can be really tricky. You can handle it many ways, many bads and few goods. Just remember that you need to keep yourself up. Don't let this situation discourage you and stoop down to certain types of men that aren't even your type, but you're just trying to find that "right guy". So just relax and sit back. If you tense up for every meeting you get with a guy then it won't turn into a natural relationship. Don't go out of your way to find Mr. Right. He'll find you and pursue you at some point.. not the other way around.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (7 October 2010):
Hi there. There's nothing with you, you have just been unlucky. You've gone out to the wrong places to meet men.
A better way of meeting people, would be if you were to start up some interests and hobbies. That way, you would be meeting people who are interested in the same things as you. It's a good starting point, because you are there involved in your interest. So there's some common ground to start with.
The internet, like you say could be a bit dicey, as you don't know what these people are really like. A lot of people lie about themselves anyway, so what they say can't always be trusted to be the truth. So that's a wise decision to avoid it.
Perhaps there are some social clubs in your area, you might like to investigate further. Clubs that are not just a place to drink, but clubs with a theme - an organisation. These would be listed in your commercial phone book, under "clubs".
Also, what about things like taking up golf, or maybe tennis. These are both very good social activities.
I really don't favour pubs or bars for meeting men. Quite often, the men are already partly drunk. Then comes the lies. No, don't go down that path again. It's a complete waste of time.
In the meantime, keep believing in yourself and that you deserve the best in life, always. Don't let yourself be mistreated or taken for granted. Life is too short. Keep your self respect. Meet up with your friends, have fun, laugh and be happy.
I sincerely hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): Are you sure people think there must be something wrong with you being unmarried, no children and 38 or is it just you feeling that way? Whenever you speak it negatively ("Im more than likely never going to meet Mr Right or have children.") then that's what you are setting up to happen. I know it's easy to feel jaded but try to focus on it positively. Get involved in things you enjoy and meet men that way. And, don't rule out Internet dating. I know quite a few people who have had success with it. And 'so what' about the people in your small town....
...............................
|
