A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Trust how can you fix it when it's broken? I have been with my partner now for just under a year when we first started out we were both in long relationships we got caught and got out she left him and went with me after a while she went back to him this went on for about 2 years till eventually she left him for good to be with me. About 4 month into to our new start we had a big argument nothing other people don't have. She went out with her friends n I went out with mine! The argument got worse as we got drunk texting crap to each other all night I woke up the next morning feeling pretty bad about the way we were so I text her to see if she wanted to talk I got no response so after a while I decided to go to her house and talk to her. When I got there she was pretending to be asleep and had just woke as I entered! I asked her what was going on and why she was being the way she was? She said I think I need time to my self and I said well fine if I go then that's it she couldn't care less! It was as this point I realised her phone was lying on the floor thrown away like u would when u get a fright.....so I picked it up she had been talking to her x bf again for over a week she had even asked him to come up at 4am in the morning well this was it! AGAIN! Few days went past of texting each other back n forth un till again we sorted it out. 8 months in and I find out she is texting her sister sayin she missed him and not to talk about him cause she missis him then text saying "don't read in to this sis" point is can I should I trust her? If I can how do I? This is destroying us she swears it or anything wouldn't happen again but how do I know she has broken my trust so many times or could it even be that because I made her tell him it was over she was with me and he said that was her last that she has to settle with me or no- one. Please help I can't help but feel if I dint trust her it will destroy us as I won't leave it alone it causes me to be in moods all the time n she thinks she should put up with it because she created it. It's that bad I find my self waking up in panics during the night thinking she is with him oh to find her beside me :( we can't go on like this . Es
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male
reader, Cccc  +, writes (7 October 2010):
 Yes she is on rebound!
There is only one thing to do here dude!
Just leave...You see the problem with the whole scenario is that she will NEVER be able to get over her EX because she never took the time out to be alone and let time heal her up.This was her first mistake.Second is when she got involved with you she never had the time to sort out all the mixed emotions and that's why she till today thinking about him probably comparing you with him all the time making her long for him.
Just leave her dude sort yourself out and she should do the same before the while thing gets blown out of the water and you both end up getting really hurt...you more then her!
This is really unhealthy because trust is going to be a hard thing to come buy within yourself in your future relationships IF you where to carry in the way you are now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): trust almost never gets fixed when there are situations like yours - back and forth where she just cannot rid herself from her "ex'. are you sure he is her ex and not you? the fights and mistrusts is killing whatever is left in this relationship. she has proven time and time again incapable of leaving her ex. what is her bond with him? i think deep down the reason you have these panic attacks is bec you know you are fighting a losing battle. this relationship was borne from deceit and still contines to be deceitful. perhaps you need to make a complete break from her. too much of drama and too many times she has chosen her ex over you. this tells me she is not finished with him and will continue in the future. you will wait and wait and wait and then what? perhaps cheating is soaked in her bones? (it is just a saying but sometimes proves to be true)-LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Dear Sweet Pea +, writes (7 October 2010):
Hiya,
You poor thing, I can honestly say I have been there and I know your pain.
But the first thing you need to do is say to yourself:
Do you love her?
Do you want your relationship to go on, even after what she has done to you?
Is she worth the heartache?
Then sit with her and have a good heart to heart, does she love you? Does she still want to be with you?
It is going to be hard but it also gets easier, but dont you ever think for one second that you wont find yourself someone else better and dont think that she will also be the same. Not everyone is the same.
No one deserves a person that cheats on them over and over.
I hope i have helped you.
Take care of yourself, smile.
xoxo
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): Once a cheater always a cheater, btw ur being a rebound, and if you knew she was in a relationship why did you get with her?
Either way the best thing is for both of you to stop this relationship until the two of you cool down and see what happens from there
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): If both you and your current partner started the relationship being unfaithful to one another by being with your ex-partners
and going back and forth you can probably count on this type of behavior continuing in the future. It sounds to me like neither one of you has taken the time to address the issues from the previous relationship. It may feel satistfing,comforting, and convenient in the moment to start a new relationship but those unresolved issues have a way of resurfacing. It sounds to me like either one of you had a healthy bond with your ex-partners and the relationship you have fostered now maybe just a convenient distraction from the pain. Try to remain friends and take time to yourself to reevaluate your own life. What kind of relationship do you want and what kind of person do you want to be in the relationship? Take time to heal your own life before building a life together with someone else. Just a thought. Most people want the whole enchilada so to speak when it comes to intimate relationships.
Oh and one more thing obviously drunk texting someone your already upset with is NOT a good idea. The rule of thumb on this one is don't try to talk about sensitive issues with a person your upset with even if your "just tired" it tends to makes matters worse. Wait until your both in a good space, plan ahead and do it right! Take your life and yourself a little more seriously, after all your worth it!!!! right?
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