A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a really great guy for 6 weeks. We are both in our 30's and divorced and we are both making decent money. He has a child and I have children. We have had a wonderful time together and are very compatible so far. My youngest child is 10 and I just found out that I am pregnant while on the pill. When I told him that I am pregnant he was mature and loving though worried about money and our short time of knowing each other and how it all would work. He leaned toward abortion and I don't think I can do that. He seemed to respect my points of view but I can tell he'd prefer for me to get an abortion. I would prefer to continue to date him and see where it goes even though I know this is a gamble because we haven't known each other for very long. To make things worse, he lives three hours away so we don't get to see each other every week. Talk about a complicated mess! I need some advice!!! Please help.
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abortion, divorce, money, the pill Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses. I am ninety-nine percent sure that I am going to keep and raise our baby regardless of the outcome of our dating relationship. I just wanted to here some other points of view. I am only about 5 weeks along and very shocked. To the one person who said that they thought I wasn't on birth control...if you re-read my question, I said that I WAS on the pill. No form of birth control is 100% and everyone who has sex knows that...it is a risk we take because the odds seem pretty good against pregnancy on most methods. The reason I needed the advice is because I know how hard it is to have a child and raise one not to mention the huge responsibility. It is terrifying to think of what my 10-19 year old children and the general community will think of me when they know. But thanks for all who wrote with advice from the heart. I really appreciate it.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (13 July 2008):
 Well, you already got kids and are raising them on your own, would another one be that much of a problem?
If you don't want an abortion then don't. You know what a baby means so you know what you are in for.
Will he stick around? Does it matter?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): Sorry, please forgive me; if this sounds harsh;
I am just trying to get the picture;
He lives 3hrs drive away from you; you have only been dating for 6 weeks; you are pregnant?
You have a child so does he; you both know about birth controll and the risks of unprotected sex?
You obviously had unprotected sex on your first date; is that correct?
Given the age you indicated, you are both adults, and I pressume you knew what you were doing and what risks are involved;
How sure are you about this pregnancy? What tests have you done?
What do you want to know from us?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008): A baby is a gift from God a little miracle if your pregnant it was ment to be. Please don't get an abortion. Think of your other children. What if you had an abortion on one of them. Give your baby a chance like you gave your other children. Don't let him pressure you into an abortion he just dose not want to have to pay money for child support. Please think about this There is no turning back if you have an abortion please don't and give the baby a chance. If you don't want the baby give the baby up for adoption hundreds of families can't have children of there own and would be thrilled to adopt your baby. God bless
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (13 July 2008):
 It's always a gamble. I believe a child is about the child and not really about the situation. I'm a single parent. I'm raising two children and have two others who I love dearly and see often. I feel blessed for every one of them, and they have all added so much to my life.
Your child will add to your life and be a huge part of their siblings lives too. That in its self outweighs the complicated situation the child may come into this world from.
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A
female
reader, jess18maine +, writes (13 July 2008):
 To begin, I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant with a mans babys that I weren't even dating. I was leaning towards abortion in the begin but ultimatly I knew that I would never be okay with it and I would always regret it. I'm almost 21 and it was a huge shock and i've made huge life changes for this baby thats not even here yet. I did inform the man but knew no matter what he said it wouldn't change how i felt about it since I would be the one carring this child and raising her. I know that with or without him, this was my desison and that I would never feel like I had the right to bare children again if I have the abortion.
As for your situation, your still young and so are your children and as for money, you can always make anything work; just think positive. If you want this child then have it.
As for continuing the relationship with the man, whats the worst that can happen; it doesnt work out? I think if ur the child then you kinda owe it to him or her to see where the relationship could go. If you've decided to aboard the child then I really think that would add far to much complications for the relationship. Has for this mans distance, you can make anything work as long as both of u are willing to try, and theres nothing wrong with you suggection a relocation on his part, or even yours, you haveing to be willing to make changes in your life too, even tho it does mean making changes in your already born childrens lives.
Communication is very important, talk to your man, and see if he wants to try to make the relationship work or at least see where it could go.
Not to sound like a crazy against abortionist, but the baby is not a desision waiting to be made, but a desision made and a beating heart waiting to met the world.
Also I don't know how far along you are but in my state abortions are preformed at most all stages of pregnancy, meaning there done when a baby could be born and survive out side the mother womb, also research how the abortions are preforms and what happens to the remains... I don't think you want the baby to become a reseach project for some college student, and did u know that the baby can feel the pain the some abortion clinics use to aboard.
Do whats best for "you and your children" that are already here and maybe not here too!
If you can provide a good, happe, loving and safe home for this child then why not ? ? ? ?
Sorry for the novel, just wants to give you some stuff to think about and consider, not that you don't already have enough on your mind.
Best of luck to you and your family.
I'm here if you want to talk.
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A
male
reader, Stabber  +, writes (13 July 2008):
Hi,
My own reply is colored by my religion - however if it was me i would love the child that is about to be born. Your boyfriend will support you if you approach him with love and care. Live is about living but you have to look to your children and your boyfriend and when your child is born then setup a new 'pecking order' within your household.
All the best of luck and love to you.
Edd
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