A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, For the past 8 months I have been seeing this guy. He has a girlfriend far away with kids and I am engaged. We see each other on a weekly basis and go on vacations to amazing places all the time. Is it normal to have a pure sexual relationship with doing all this with the level that we see each other. We don't talk on the phone but text and when we see each other we go out to dinner or the movies and drink a little and we talk if this 'relationship' will go on for so long. I'm just confused because I'm not sure if it's normal to have this long of a consistent weekly just sexual relationship. Is it normal?
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engaged, has a girlfriend, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): The main concern seems to me is that you're engaged to marry someone. Doesn't he deserve to know before he commits? Otherwise you're unfairly locking him into an unfaithful marriage with a woman he thinks would be faithful, this would be utter disrespect, inconsideracy and deceit on your part.
Feeling the right things and knowing the wrong are two seperate things. You understand you have no excuses despite how you feel, which is fine but you don't seem to have much principals and moral understanding for doing the right thing to stop what you're doing.
You have a chance here before you ruin you're partners life before you commit to a marriage. He needs to know what he's getting himself in for.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): yeah--its weird bc the way each of you are writing is the way i used to think and then it changed---no it prob wont be exciting if we ended our relationships but the situation is so so odd-- i think the lifestyle of the broker/dealer world and an industry where we entertain our clients is where it gets us in trouble--- i have no excuses but i also dont know why it is i turned to this path--- i do need to reevaluate myself and see what is best
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): Shoot the messenger.
It is not normal, in fact it is "sickening". You are in business? Don't you know where to draw the line? Don't you have any morals? If you were both single, but you are not. Get out of your relationships and see if it will still be so exciting. I bet it won't. You are doing this without thinking about the repercussions. It is so selfish and so short sighted.
When this blows up in your face you will be crying and might have remorse, but then it might be to late. WAKE UP and GROW UP to the real world. People have feelings and emotions, all is not just figures and papers, as you know, otherwise the two of you would keep your hands of each other and respect your partners.
No, I think you need to get in touch with your inner self and make peace with who and what you want.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (29 November 2008):
 What a shallow existence for your significant others....and they don't even know. You make light of a situation that is really a potentially hurtful unison. To answer your question, I don't believe it's as much normal as it is common. Because this world is becoming so warped, people seem to think that whatever makes them happy must be OK. It's kind of a "to hell with anybody that gets in my way" attitude.
If I read this correctly, because you're both in the corporate, money making mentality it's a good idea for you and him to get naked and fondle each other's nether regions. Why can't you just leave it at business.
You can't really care about your partner. If you did you wouldn't jeopardize his happiness for sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2008): I don't think it is normal at all. To be honest I think it is rather sad. Not only are you cheating on your partners but you are not there for each other 100% either. It is a very sad and complicated situation. There is going to be lots of hurt and dissapointment when your secret gets out and trust me, these things do get discovered.
I suggest you stop, get out of this messy situation and decide about your future. Do it now while you can with your dignity in tact. Once caught you are not going to look or feel good at all.
You are not only jeapordizing your own future and happiness but also those of many other people.
You are an intelligent woman and you know the risks involved. Stop taking these chances. Stop gambling with your future, your happiness and those of the innocent parties, not to mention innocent children.
Think carefully about what you are doing and the consequences.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2008): Why the hell are you engaged if you're cheating the hell out of your soon to be husband. You dont respect him at all. Why does it matter if it's normal or not...you know you should stop it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2008): That's the thing, I dont feel like the 'crumbs' because the same goes for him, each of our better halves get the real best of us... we are both in a situation where we are enjoying each others company. We spend week vacations together alone and enjoy every minute of it even when sex isn't involved... I love my fiancee and for emotional and support reasons I would never trade him but I am together with this guy once a week I just feel better - I know him as a guy that will basically just call a girl in to have sex from the past but mine involves everything, that's why I don't think it's normal at all and I think what it is that both of our others are not in the business corporate money making mentality and we click like that so that missing component of our other relationships is filled when we see each other. No, I wouldn't want a REAL relationship with him, I just never had or heard a situation like mine. It's one or the other ussually in a relationship and one falls heavily for the other nothing like that here. If he went out and had sex with another just for kicks it wouldn't in the least bother me.
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A
female
reader, Kathh  +, writes (29 November 2008):
 Are you happy with the relationship the way it is or are you secretly hoping he may well leave his gf and start a 'proper' relationship with you?How is your relationship with your fiancee?Setting aside any concern for his gf and your fiancee and the morality of it (you posted the question so your my main concern) are you happy being the other woman? Knowing that his gf and children get the best of him and you have the 'crumbs'? This guy is lucky eh? he gets to have a girl at home looking after him and sex on tap with you just to spice things up!I hope that doesn't sound harsh but you sound like an intelligent woman - don't you deserve better than to be someone's f*ck buddy? Don't you deserve to be in a relationship where you don't want to cheat?To answer your question briefly, no I don't think its normal to be engaged to be married and having an affair for 8 months, but maybe this is a wake up call for you in your relationship?
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