A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I live on the east coast. I've met the girl of my dreams in San Francisco about 36 months ago and she, in turn, met who she called the "guy she was going to grow old with." Two issues: she's still in a divorce and nasty custody battle with her ex. He was mentally abusive and controlling and she's still not able to deal with him very well and secondly, this is taking place on the west coast.Since May 2008, we've been flying back and forth to keep our love happy and fresh until she can move here to me where I have the better financial and family situation. We video chat every night and for the most part have been blissfully happy despite the distance and a few bumps in the road due to poor communication. We're shockingly similar people and this causes lots of angst when things get interpreted differently.One major hurdle for us occurred in spring when she suddenly stayed out all night without communication after going to a house party and bar hopping with some new friends. This didn't sit well with me and I accused her of cheating. We nearly broke up, but after a 6-hour talk we came back stronger and more unified than ever.Right up until a month ago she was texting me love notes, talking about marriage, how attractive I am to her, how sexual I make her, and spending more time together. She spoke of how her clothes had my odor and she missed me so much. Then she came here for a visit in August and was mostly cold and indifferent about me. She broke down crying telling me that the stress of the divorce was eating her up and that she needs me to be patient.Suddenly, when I offered to visit for Labor Day weekend I was told,"not a good time". I then got an email lecture about needing "a couple of days to think" (now on Day 7) and that I need to do the same. Suddenly attacked for "manipulating her" and forcing all these visits. All of this contradicting the tender and thoughtful nature she has shown me for 35 of the 36 months. So out of the blue and very hurtful.She is on medication for depression AND anxiety. Her doctor was away and her dosages changed by the on-call doctor. Does she seem legit in her actions or is it as I fear? This "new crowd" of couples has hitched her to a friend so she's not a fifth wheel on weekends. I love her so much I'm in agony. Thanks for the help,"Punched in the gut..."
View related questions:
broke up, divorce, her ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (8 September 2010):
 first of all im sorry ur going through this.
i hate to say this but maybe she used u all this time for comfort and consollation,a way to get away from her hurtful marriage?how can you be sure she hasnt used you,and now that she is in a different position,all out of a sudden she's not interested?
on the other hand,it might be that she really is stressed,and the medication DOES cause changes in people,i read a question on here yesterday where a girl suffered from AD/HD and she was different everytime she was on medication.
Also,its been a long time and the divorce shsould have been finalized by now. She can come stay with you without being officially separated from her husband so why doesnt she do it? hMm.
What can u do? First off Refuse to talk this over via the internet. If she iniates the contact,ask her to come visit you whenever she can.dont offer goin there unless she really cant come to you. Let her see ur not a love struck puppy that obbeys her wishes.ur a strong man and u demand respect. if she asks u why u dont wanna chat tell her its simply becasue u choose not and u rather see her in person.goodluck
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (8 September 2010):
 East coast meets west coast. Is she in the midst of a divorce that isn't finalized yet? How long has she been going through a divorce? And how often do you see each other? The thing about a woman such as her are that once that divorce is finalized it's time to relax or get out for some fun. Also, it's a red flag that when you offered to come visit she wasn't jumping all over it. In a LDR, when your significant other visits it makes everything better. Time together is precious and hard to come by. However, I don't get the sense she's out cheating. I read that she isn't ready for a new relationship, she's more into going out and having a good time. She does have issues but who doesn't these days? It seems like every other person I know is on depression medication or going through a divorce. All you can do is give her a little time, even though she is past the couple of days marker...I say another 3 days and give her a call to see where she is at in thinking. Tell her she needs to clue you in on what's going on with her, you're here for her to talk to. Hate to say it, but I just don't think a relationship is ideal for her right now.
...............................
A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (8 September 2010):
 It doesn't look good. She is on medication and you're going to have to worry about behavioural issues for the rest of your life with her. i understand that it's nice when it's nice but you're going to end upo a doormat if you stick with this.
...............................
|
