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male
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anonymous
writes: There's a girl I'm crazy about and was told by her friends that she likes me. We get on like a house on fire. But when I asked her out she said it was too soon, cause she had just broke up with someone. But she wishes she was ready. Then we kissed twice and I said I would wait for her. She acted weird for the next 2 weeks, then I asked what's wrong and she said that she wanted to stay friends bcause she was scared of wrecking our friendship. But she still flirts around with me and texts me all the time.What do I do? I really like her. I thought I might ask her out again after Christmas at New Years Eve and go all out on the set-up. Is this wise?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, StarNews +, writes (27 December 2005):
 It sounds to me like you are hearing what you want, and not what she needs. She is confused, but it sounds like she is definetely interested in you. If you keep pursuing her the way that you are, you may end up losing her altogether.
I think she is still in love with someone else, and you might be her crutch. Or she may just need time, like she said, but you need to listen to what she is saying.
If you go all out on New Year's, I truly do not believe she will appreciate your effort until you have her heart. It isnt going to be these type of things that win her heart, it will only be with time and patience.
If you truly like her, respect her wishes and give her time. It would be best to be her friend, it sounds like that is what she needs right now.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2005): Hey....i would slow play it a bit and keep a mild distance. Text/talk to her every other day if your used to that, but have another plan in mind (whether u do or not), maybe, and hint that you both need to text each other just before midnight on new year's instead. She'll wonder that night what yer doing and will likely show her cards in really liking you or not...especially during this holiday season/new year....good luck. If she texts u and wants to meet up on new years night....race to get there for midnight!!
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A
female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (21 December 2005):
Yes of course it is wise. This girl needs a guy to take a bit of control. If you don't she will think you are being weak. Go for it. Ask her out for NYE and enjoy yourselves and if you get into bed together, well done!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2005): No, but maybe you can set up some safe boundaries. Is it okay for the two of you to flirt, without worrying about having sex or getting more involved? Maybe flirting is what she really wants to feel alive. Maybe that's okay with you, too. Why don't you ask. But don't ask her out or move forward until you both get clear on your intentions.
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (21 December 2005):
 Dear, i agree with all the guys here. You have a upper hand being her friend just dont rush her. Show her cool side.
All the best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2005): I agree entirely with Mr ed, just play it cool. The chances are if you go all out, then you could wreck your chances, just show her what a loyal and really nice guy you are, and believe me you'll win her heart. remember "Good things come to those who wait"
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A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (21 December 2005):
 I don't think you really have to go all out for the event. I do think that if you really truly want this girl then maybe you should try this one. She doesn't want to wreck your friendship (so obviously your funny). Use your friendship to your advantage. Show her your very cool side like telling her what you think and then showing her how good of a friend you are. If she is cold, Offer your jacket not place it on her. If she is hungry, Offer to buy her something to eat not set it up purposely. etc..... By doing it this way your not putting any pressure on her to be in a spot she JUST GOT OUT OF. Say something like you wanna watch a movie or hang out at a club, If you don't set the whole evening up then there are absolutely no expectations for either of you and YOU can just be your cool self. Whatever you do absolutely NO ALCOHOL should be involved because it can ruin what your trying to achieve. She trusts you because she values your friendship; try and gain more trust based upon you being her friend. If she learns you won't be just a boy friend she might learn to love you on a deeper connection than just that.It's just a suggestion. Good luck. Ed
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