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Trying to have sex but he 'can't get it in' and it really hurts, is this normal?

Tagged as: Dating, Health, Sex, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 April 2008) 3 Answers - (Newest, 11 April 2008)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone,

I am 20 years old and I tried to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time and he was unable to get in me. He tried but just could not get in and it hurt everytime he tried. Is this normal for the first time or do you think there is something wrong with me? He is big so maybe that is it but then again i could be abnormally small. Help plz i dont know what to think!!

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A female reader, Stayc63088 United States +, writes (11 April 2008):

Stayc63088 agony auntIt happened with me as well. A combination of me being small and him being quite large. I was brought to tears the first few times he tried. Make sure you are wet or he is lubricated, definitely DO NOT try if you are dry down there. Makes me cringe just thinking about it. After making sure I was wet and everything, he was able to get it in eventually, though it hurt horribly. I cried everytime we did it for awhile so there's something you may not look forward to. You will be used to it eventually though. Maybe have him use his fingers or you use yours to try to open it a bit more. It is normal though, so do not worry. Hope I helped out, good luck to you.

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (11 April 2008):

DoubleM agony auntYou should not be concerned about any physical abnormalities if you have previously masturbated including insertion with fingers. My guess it that your attempt did not include enough foreplay to arouse you well enough to be lubricated, although if he was maintaining an erection there should have been some degree of penetration. It is possible, of course, that you are exceptionally small but water-based lubricants may help.

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A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (11 April 2008):

birdynumnums agony auntIf you google Vaginismus, you can read about this. I had a friend that went through this too. It didn't matter how relaxed she THOUGHT she was, her vaginal muscles would just clamp down any time that his penis came near her. The pain causes a vicious cycle which just makes your muscles clench up again. Her doctor gave her muscle relaxants. She actually only used them once, to get past that reaction, and after that - they had no problems again!

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