A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 4 months just broke up with me. I’m 26 and he’s 24. The reason we broke up was because he thought I was cheating on him with a coworker (technically my boss, but I do not report directly to him). I travel a lot for business and he believed that since I was traveling with this person and have known him for over 3 years that I had either had a previous relationship with him or am having a relationship with him now. Neither is true. Nothing has ever happened between us. My boyfriend felt that my relationship with my coworker was “inappropriate”. He looked through my cell phone and found phone calls and text messages between this coworker and me. The phone calls were definitely not excessive (I checked my phone records and they averaged about 7-10 a month). Most of these calls were during business hours, but some are after hours, none that would be considered “late”, though. Bottom line is that I work in a small office (under 10 of us) and we are all friendly with each other and my relationship with this particular coworker is strictly professional. Even though four months is not a long time, my boyfriend and I got extremely close in this time and we both fell in love. I understand that his suspicions are hurting him and causing him emotional distress and that kills me. His distrust for me has caused me a lot of hurt as well. I am willing to work past this because we both agree that every other aspect of our relationship is incredible. I just don’t know what I can do to put his mind at ease and get him to trust me. Just for the record, I do not feel that he is doing this because of a guilty conscience or anything like that. I have never suspected him of cheating on me. It hurts me that we’re ending what could be a wonderful relationship for nothing. I feel so helpless and would appreciate any advice or insight.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (12 April 2008):
 As a man, I'm not sure I would be thrilled if my wife was away with another man. At the same time, what are you supposed to do....quit and stay home to appease your boyfriend. Imagine if someone asked you why you didn't go to the big confernece...." I didn't go because my boyfriend thought I might be tempted to have sex with my boss" Would that not sound crazy. As far as bringing them together, if your guy is that jealous then what would the meeting prove.
Look, you "could" be attracted to the guy. Who knows. Your boyfriend is thinking like a guy. He's thinking....girl plus guy plus opportunity equals sex. What he fails to understand is that most women don't think that way. Women can have sex WHENEVER they choose. So, why does he think you're soooo interested in the boss? It's probably because he see the opportunity you'd have and he can't control it. It really is insulting to you.
A
male
reader, oldbiker  +, writes (11 April 2008):
 Hi,
Firstly I will accept all that you say about your relationship with your co-worker but if I put myself in your place and I was travelling with my secretary, even after all the years we've been married, my wife would not be happy about it. Ok, you've now broken up so it may be difficult to re-establish your relationship but I think you may need to bring your co-worker and boyfriend together. Your co-worker may tell him that there is nothing between you but that may not convince your boyfriend. He is left out of your work relationships, they are distant to him, and this has made him insecure and worried. If they know each other, there is a possibility that your boyfriend can understand that your co-worker is not a threat to your relationship.
All the best,
Oldbiker
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