A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i started meetin a fellow which i taught to be very nice. was seeing him for about two months when he told my sister that he would like to get me pregnant but for as i have 3 kids myself i felt like i had my lot and was in no way interested in havin anymore at this time. he started wishin that i would have one for him as he never had a little girl himself but i just kept tellin him that it was to soon and i wasnt ready. a month after that things started to go all weird after a weekend down with his family he started to go all cold on me. in march he called down and we slept with each other and afterwards i got a message on my phone from his wife in which he told me was finished but she informed me that day that they were back together. so i walked away only to find out a few weeks later that i was pregnant with his child. i was in such a state didnt know what to do. so a friend of mine rang him to tell him the news. i was in no state to talk to him. the next day i got a message from him telling me to go to england and get rid of it. in my mind at the time i taught was the right thing but in my heart i knew i couldnt do something like that. after a week or so him and his wife oftered to meet up so i went down to his home to talk to him and his wife openly about it all and they said that they would help. but a few days later things changed. i got asked to do a test in front of tham in which i agreed to do so as i had nothing to hide on the matter. they never turned up when they said they were going to. then they started sendin hate texts to my phone sayin things about me and the unborn baby callin it a bastard and made me feel like i had to go. but still didnt want to go threw with something like that. when they didnt get me to go for an abortion they cut all ties with me and now im gone 3 months and im tyin to come to terms with it all on my own. dont know what to do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): with 3 kids already and presumably relying on the state to support you all, surely you knew to use contraception??? it is free in ireland if you have a medical card, as you surely know. theres not much to come to terms with, you've been pregnant before and obviously this man is not going to want to be involved in this childs life. you really cant blame his wife for being so angry and upset, I would feel the same and so would anyone else. Im Irish too, and since abortion is not in Ireland the obvious choice is either to go to the UK for an abortion or else keep the baby, or else have it adopted. I really dont have a lot of sympathy for you, but in future usea condom and also take the pill.
A
female
reader, HughHefner'sPlaymate  +, writes (16 June 2011):
 He's a son of a bitch for treating you this way ! He was married but he told you he was separated its not like you are a blatant homewrecker. You should hit the bastard where it hurts his pocket, make him pay child support when the baby comes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): You have garnered so much of sympathy here but lets be realisitic: HE IS MARRIED. HE HAS A WIFE.
and in the end this is all that matters.
WHAT/HOw exactly did you expect them to react??
he is married and now you decide to have his child. have you not considered that you are bringing a baby into this world where the father and other close "relatives" want nothing to do witht he baby.
You can curse and blame his wife and even him for all they have said and behaved towards you, but really, now, what else did you expect.
You fool around with a married man and you get burnt and well, you did!!!!!!!!!!!!
my heartfelt symapthies are witht his unborn child!!!!
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): just to set the record straight i was taking precautions to prevent pregnancy but i just happened to be one of the minority that get caught...also when i met this man i was told by him he was single then after a no off weeks he then told me he was married an seperated ..only because i confronted him as i heard it through a mutual friend..im soft hearted and wanted to believe all he told me as he really did sound genuine..and my friends n family all thought the same...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): It sounds as if this guy was still working through issues with his wife. He was probably only on a break (or more likely temporarily kicked out) when he met you. And he must have gone back to her sometime before he visited you for the last time and had sex. You did say prior to the last visit from him that things had become 'weird' and he was 'cold' towards you. So you must have realized something was very wrong!
His wife seemed to have a problem believing you were pregnant. Maybe because he lied and half convinced her you were some crazy woman making false allegations. It has been known. You actually showing up, might have totally spun him out! It is unusual to say the least! He might have convinced himself you wouldn't have the nerve to turn up and meet his wife face to face. A gamble but he had a lot to lose so it was probably worth the risk. You couldn't face telling him you were pregnant. So what were the odds you would ACTUALLY turn up to meet his WIFE and expecting help! I would have put money on it that you wouldn't do a thing like that. But you did! So any hope he had of convincing her you were lying went straight out of the window. Just agreeing to do a test would have convinced her you were pregnant. Hence they were a no show for the test because it wasn't really needed. She knew it was all true simply by you turning up and agreeing to the test. By this time she probably felt as sick as a pig and niceties such as cancelling with you, went out of the window. With all the proof she needed and the information digested....you were then subjected to her wrath! He is just joining in the abuse because he is probably getting it in the neck every day from her and he is blaming you for that because you didn't just quietly go away and 'deal' with things for him! Telling you he wanted a daughter was rubbish. If he did, he wouldn't have been shrieking at you to get an abortion quick!
If they have cut all ties... as you call it. That is a good thing. They are toxic and you need to keep away from them. They will be busy dealing with their own issues now. So leave them to do that and deal with your own.
You say you don't know what to do but you have decided to keep the baby. So you have already decided what to do really. So plan ahead and prepare for baby, you have plenty of time so it should all go smoothly if you are organized properly.
With respect that guy sounds like a total loser, so he probably doesn't have much money. Claiming financial support will stir him and his wife up again. Because it will more than likely mean more financial hardship for her and their children. They will want a paternity test if you make a claim. And he might well ask for visits with the child. How you feel about your child staying in his home with his wife is something you can think about over the coming months. If you object to him having the child sometimes it will have to be done through a family judge. Which will mean more animosity and expenses on both sides.
If i were you i would seek support with childcare through friends and family, go to work and support baby yourself. If you do that and don't involve the guy at all, i can't see this broken down couple ever bothering you again.
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male
reader, galdegir  +, writes (14 June 2011):
Is fearr Gaeilge bhriste ná Béarla cliste... I feel for you, i do, being a irishman meself but you left yourself open for the hurt in this by allowing yourself to see and sleep with a married that's just a recipe for disaster if you didn't want the child you could've very well prevented getting pregnant. There is such thing as a condom ye I feel sorry for both you and his wife for being fools to not notice he has roving eyes then. You're both to blame for if you didnt want any more children and wished to sleep with him you should've made him wear protection. you should've anyway, for your own protection, since ye have 3 children already. Should remind him the child may be a bastard but his bastard child you didnt immaculately conceive it. Avoid contact with him and his wife I think outside of family law court appearances and make sure you get financial support from him through the courts if your planning on keeping the child and remember,Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it! Be wary and careful of lads you jump into bed with next time maybe next time make sure you get to know him better so then ya know he isnt married.
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 While I feel the Father of the baby and His wife said some very cruel and hurtful things...there is YOUR part bringing this on yourself dear.
You KNEW you were fooling around with a MARRIED MAN.
You did not want more children, but did not take absolute precautions to prevent an unwanted pregnancy?
His life was a mess and he invited you in to have a small investment in it.
Get a lawyer, and sue HIM for child support and stay the heck away from the two of them.
Seek out supportive family and friends.
Best Wishes.
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (14 June 2011):
 I'll disagree with Honeypie to the extent that you need to sue these people for as much child support as you can get. This is nothing short of harassment.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 June 2011):
 I agree that you need to stay far away from those people. Block their numbers. Get on with life.
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female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (14 June 2011):
 P.S. I don't want to scare you but just keep in mind the story of a woman who was 8 months pregnant and was cornered in ladies bathroom with a woman who proceeded to cut her baby out of her womb. The woman got the baby, and left the the mother to die, which unfortunately she did. Please don't let this be your story. These two people are not behaving normally.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (14 June 2011):
I think it's okay to have the baby. Your heart has told you to from day one regardless of his behavior. But I would NOT meet with them again. Your life could be in danger. They both sound a little psycho if you ask me, and next time you go to their house, you may end up in a body bag. For your sake and the baby's please change your phone number and that will stop the harrassment. I know it's tempting to make him pay for this child (he does owe you that much) but I'm not sure it's worth the stress they will put on you if you go legal on them. It could get really nasty and dangerous. I really think his wife may be unable to have a child, and he had the bright idea of finding a surrogate mother for her. Obviously that idea turned sour once she realized you had sex with him and had feelings for him. It might be better to just disappear from their lives and don't look back. By all means, if they continue to harrass you after you've changed your number that implies they're stalking you and you should contact the police! Please be safe and cut all ties with these two weirdos. This won't end badly if you try to continue to stay in touch. They will probably pretend to be friends with you, just to lure you into a trap. Be careful.
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female
reader, Lovemeright11 +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Well screw the wife in this situation but he needs to grow some balls and be there for this baby since in all honesty he wanted to have a kid so badly and you did not but now the moment is here and he is being a dick because of the wife. You need to get your self ready for child support if this man chooses not to be involved in the babys life now, in my opinion you either need to try to talk to him by himself one on one and if you can't make that happen then just get ready to take him to court for child support you deserve to bring this life into the world and your baby has a right to exist in the world even if not everyone agrees with it. Hear the voice that can not be hear which is your baby and you will know what is right to do. There is a reason for every thing even if we don't understand it. Much love hope it is okay keep hope and faith and things will be okay.
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A
female
reader, svf +, writes (14 June 2011):
 What cruel and calculating stupid bastards they are. You are going through hell right now and this has been an awful shock for you. I know the circumstances weren't great to begin with and this baby wasn't planned, so it is not your fault - he led you on in the first place.But now, with a baby and 3 children already, it is going to be very hard for you. Have you kept a copy of the messages they have sent you? If it get's out of hand, you may need to get the police involved, as this is abuse.On the other hand, I think when you made the decision not to terminate the baby, you realised that you would be alone as the father has shown himself to be a complete liar. It may not still be too late to get one, but I realise that you do not want to - and that is your decision and your right NOT to have one if you don't want to terminate. Just realise that it will be very hard having 4 children alone and that you are not going to get any support from these weird people who keep making plans and then changing their mind! Bastards, really.Good luck with everything and I hope things get easier for you. Can you see a counsellor to help deal with your issues, of which I am sure there are many right now for you? No woman deserves to be treated so shoddily. (And make sure you get child support off the useless bastard. It was him WANTING to have a baby in the first place, don't forget - and though it was unplanned, he has a responsibility to this baby aswell, he IS the father.) Please take care x
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