A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:After she showed lots of clear interest in me over a month +, a girl friend zoned me because I was always available to her as a pushover online and never flirted physically in person or pushed a relationship. We had a disagreement over this, but I decided to be mature and told her I agreed the chemistry wasn't there and we should be friends.Now, I know that the reason the chemistry wasn't there was because I was being way too shy and without confidence around her. I'm not going to see her for three months over summer break, and I have an exciting summer job which will really change my outlook on life (it's very social and out of my comfort zone, and one which people are interested in when they hear about it). I won't even be online during this period, which is where a lot of my neediness came through. When I come back, do you think it's worth pursuing her in person by avoiding my pushover habits from this year entirely and treating her life a woman, as opposed to a friend. She really did like me and it was blown because I didn't know how to handle it, so I think I might have a shot if I approached her from a totally different, and far more mature, angle going forward? Of course, we are good friends too so is it too much of a risk? Of course, if either of us end up in a relationship this summer, it's not going to be a factor. So, is a total reboot like this and a reframing of myself in her life a good plan (amongst several, I do intend to date other people unless this works quickly) or should I just move on completely and not even consider it? It feels like a real shame as the potential seemed huge for two of the three months we knew each another, and it wasn't until the last couple of weeks it turned into proper friend zone awkwardness because I acted like a fool.
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confidence, flirt, move on, period, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): Um, what makes you think women like mature guys? If they liked mature guys then being a good friend would work to get into their pants and being a flirty player would not. Women CLAIM to like mature guys. Women are attracted to physically older guys. But mental maturity is not really what they want.
A
male
reader, galdegir  +, writes (14 June 2011):
A pushover online and in person? Were you always going to see her? Sounds more like the chemistry was never there for you with her to begin with and you were nothing more than only a friend. Are you sure your not trying to interpret her polite rebuttal of, there's no chemistry between her and you sounds more like you were too often in her space and she never viewed you as mating material to avoid the hurt of knowing she's not interested?In all honesty she's told you she isn't interested why beat a dead horse three months later move on find someone who is wanting you.
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