A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I'm in a situation with my fiance, and he has a past for not doing the right thing. A few times this past year, he's gone to his ex to complain about his family issues (mom/dad/siblings) because I was sympathizing and trying to help him work it out, where as she called them assholes and made him feel better for the time being. Later he came to me and said he was just looking to complain and I didn't satisfy that for him, and his ex knew the situation better, so he went to her.Last week, he was complaining about his boss to his coworker (female), they ate lunch together a few times at work, and I have never minded before. He came home after a particularly rough day and said he wished he could bitch to his coworker because she understood and could complain along with him. I understood that, but I know the situation well enough, and that I was all ears. But he didn't really feel better until the next day when he went to her and complained. He didn't even talk to me about the whole situation until after he talked to her. He told her what he said to me about wanting to talk to her and she said, 'never say that because girlfriends always get jealous when you say something like that'. After he told me she said that, I'm kinda pissed. I feel like they're over there joking about him not doing the right thing. I got particularly angry when I know that she thinks I should be jealous of her, and why would he tell me what she said in the way he did. He's known for pushing the limits on appropriateness with his exes, now I'm wondering about what he doesn't tell me that happens at work with her. We're so open about everything, why does he choose her first when he wants to relieve stress about this, even if I'm not a coworker, I'm his fiance, I don't get it!
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at work, co-worker, fiance, his ex, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 December 2011):
 I think you are a "fixer". When you hear about bad stuff, you want to FIX it. You need to learn how to just listen and let him vent. I honestly do the SAME thing you do, I want to FIX it all, sometimes though I know hubby just wants to bitch, so I let him.
As for the ex-gf, that was such a LOW BLOW from your fiance, I would be royally pissed.
Talk to him, tell him to let you know when he is venting and when he wants you to try and "help" with the situation.
You Fiance is an attention hog I think and wants any attention he can get, good or bad. And he SURE knows how to push your buttons, so you need to be aware and nip it in the bud. Personally, I think he sounds rather immature for someone in his mid-late 20's.
A
female
reader, Mariab +, writes (7 December 2011):
 I think this case is a little different... The co-worker is more likely to understand the BOSS problems than you are. They share the same problems so they can relate.
It seems to me that she was trying to protect you rather than hurt you. If a male colleague told me that he preferred to share his probs with me... I would prob say the same thing about his girlfriend. In a way... I think that you should see it as a good thing. Sometimes when your partner brings his work issues home to you... you tend to get stuck in the negativity of the days events. Try to see this situation logically and not from an emotional point of view. Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (7 December 2011):
 The co-worker and he were not laughing at you. In fact it sounds to me like she understood your position and was trying to explain it to him. When she said 'girlfriends always get jealous when you say something like that', she meant that anyone in your situation would have been annoyed, that it wasn't just you being hyper sensitive.
Remember, you're hearing about this conversation from your boyfriend, who has already demonstrated a lack of tact and diplomacy.
As for running to the ex, I don't blame you there. I think it's inappropriate and as you're seeing firsthand, a recipe for trouble.
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