A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my GF cheated and got pregnant and the father of the baby died. now shes begging me not to break up with her.and wants me to help her with the baby...i feel like im just being used should i kick her to the curb help her out or what...and im not even mad that she cheated just mad she got pregnant she knows i dont want to be bothered with children i dont have any and dont want to take care of any..im in law school and way to busy plus there to much work with all the crying ive never even held a baby im so not interested . plus she models and now her body is ruined.My gf has no one really a few worthles family members thats it most have drug or drinking problems..i just dont know how i would deal with a baby its too late for an abortion the father wanted to keep it she wants to to because they where good friends she said she only slept with him because of his connections he promised to help her with her career,what should i do
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male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (3 September 2012):
 Woah, wait, what did I miss? She apparently got pregnant on porpose just to get his money. This is something you're willing to forgive? She's exactly the kind of woman men run away from and you're running towards her?!Well good luck. Don't come back complaining when she uses you for your money and takes everything you have. I've heard of love being blind but apparently not only does it cover your eyes, but it also takes out all of the other senses in your case, including the common one.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2012): She planned the whole thing for financial benefit?
I don't know why ON EARTH you would forgive her. I don't care how much you told her to advance her career. What she did is a whole different ballgame.
Whatever you do from here, just remember one thing as you continue to have problems with her in the future: You made a CHOICE to stay with her even after you know what she is capable of.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 August 2012):
 He is the father of the child and has a financial obligation to provide for the child. Make sure the child doesn't suffer as a result of his or her parentage, in other words, she should be getting child support from him. If he has money, he owes that child some basic financial support.
As for your own journey, start learning about parenting children and caring for babies. You have a long difficult road ahead of you. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2012): Thanks all...so it turns out my gf wanted to get pregnant by this guy because she felt if she had his baby he would have to help her...He was dug in deep in the entertainment industry and actually got her a few roles nothing big but it was a start.
i guess i will forgive her because i always tell her to get the money and use all her talents.
i wasnt mad that she cheated just angry she got pregnant because physical attraction means alot to me.
but she might go back to normal after the babies born and theres always surgery.
oh and she was going to say the baby was mine dumb cuse the father is a different race.
a kid wont be so bad when its older and use full i suppose
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 August 2012):
What is best for the baby? That's what should be at the top of her list and the top of yours, for that matter.
In this case, a reluctant Dad who is in school and has no interest in child-rearing has no business becoming a father to a newborn. It would be a very poor environment for the child, right off the bat.
You can help her with providing some child-minding from time to time so she can get her life back on track but you are not going to be a successful father with your current frame of mind.
Baby will consume her life for the next 18 years and I think it would be a better idea for her to find a partner who does want children and is prepared to give 110 percent as a father. She needs to figure things out before the baby arrives and leaning on you will do nothing for her but make her dependent on outside help at this point.
You put up a US flag but your writing sounds as though you are in the UK. I think the UK offers a great deal of support and services to single mums, so she needs to get in there and start signing up for them.
Her body is not ruined, there are plenty of models who have children and look fine. She's young and will recover from the pregnancy just fine. That seems to be anger speaking, really, in you.
It's time to put the baby first. Which means, in your case, removing yourself from its life so it stands a chance at a healthier relationship with a father figure. Your wants and needs are secondary when it comes to the baby. Man up and do what is best for the child.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 August 2012):
 Sorry, that would be a a TOTAL dealbreaker for me. The cheating AND the baby. Both no-no's.
I would end my marriage if my husband cheated. No if or buts. It would be over. Now if he cheated and there was a baby, same thing.. Bye Bye. And this is after 14 years of marriage I say that. I will not tolerate cheating.
But, that is me... You have to figure out for yourself if cheating & baby is a dealbreaker or not.
One thing I do want to point out is that MANY model have kids and still get work. Her body is NOT ruined.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989  +, writes (17 August 2012):
 She brought all this on herself, why should you suffer anymore than you already have for her mistakes? Don't sacrifice your future for someone who will open their legs for a 'career boost'
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (17 August 2012):
And sorry to reply for a third time (Dear Cupid does not allow us to edit our posts) I just want to say that a bad family does not excuse bad, irresponsible behavior. My dad was a drug dealer, my uncle a severe alcoholic, my mom is ill, and basically everyone else directly related (save a grandmother who lives a 1000 miles away) is dead because of similar causes. I turned out fine, so did my siblings. So don't ever accept that as an excuse.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (17 August 2012):
Oh and one more thing: you only have her side of the story, which means she can make it as dramatic as she wants to manipulate you.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (17 August 2012):
Your Gf is a treacherous snake, OP. I'm sorry to say it but this whole "boohoo look at poor little me" act is just for her benefit. She doesn't give a rat's ass about how you feel.
Heck she even admitted she slept with the guy for career prospects. She didn't fall for the guy, she slept with him because it was convenient. If that isn't a cold hearted way of thinking I don't know what is.
And now she screwed up she wants you to clean up her mess. It's not even your child! Yes she's in a tough position right now, but the only way for her to learn from it and gain a bit of integrity, she needs to deal with this on her own. If you help her she will never improve, but continue to use other people to cater to her own needs.
Kick her to the curb and don't look back, OP. Don't feel guilty about it either. She will try and use your good nature to help her out, which will in turn only stand in the way of your future. You will never have a good relationship with her and she will never change. Plus, as others said you can abort up to 24 weeks. I doubt she's there yet.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 August 2012):
 "its too late for an abortion"
It's legal in all states to perform abortions up to 24 weeks no questions asked. After 24 weeks it is still possible, but requires a doctor's approval.
Otherwise I don't think any of us can really make this decision for you, whether to stay or leave. No one would fault you either way. Whatever feels best for you is what you should do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2012): If you can forgive her, I dont condone betrayal but sometimes they do turn out to be the best partner. She made a mistake and is already paying the price. If you truely love her, give the relationship a chance and tell her you are just trying it out as you are not ready to take on the responsibility.
What ever you decide you need to be comfortable and dont have regrets.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (17 August 2012):
 You already know the answer to this question I would suggest you go with your first choice which is self cause self preservation is important firstly but if you are dating then date if not don't be bothered cause it will cause more drama in the long run and issues. you probably are being used or maybe in the future but if you want to be with her then it want be using really cause you know you want to be with her and maybe be a item but if that's not the case you are going to feel used and abused talk with her then decide she wants you for a reason figure that out then you will have you answer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2012): Its her problem she cheated and became pregnant, now if I'm not mistaken, this is called "Just desserts".The baby (Or potential baby) is not your problem, I think you should concentrate on your future, she decided to throw hers away, this is not your responsibility.She needs to have a long hard think what is best for her and the unborn child. If she doesn't think she would cope as a single parent, then maybe she would be better considering abortion options (If its not too late.)Don't let someone else's mistake ruin your life. Of course, no one can tell you what to do, this is just what I would be doing if I were you. Not that I'm a cold hearted selfish person, but because for1. I'd be too hurt to even be around her after doing such a thing.And, 2. You've got to stay true to yourself. If I had all that going for me that you do, I certainly would NOT be throwing it away for anyone!
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (17 August 2012):
Two simple words; GET OUT.
There's is no reason for you to take responsibility for her mistake. SHE cheated, so she should be the one to take responsibility. I'm sorry that the kid will grow up without knowing his true father or having you as a guardian but tough luck. She created this situation out of dishonesty.
1. It's not your kid.
2. She's a cheater
3. She's only sorry because she was caught.
Like I said before, I really only feel bad for the kid but it's her problem, don't stick around for her to just do it again. This is one of those situations where it's perfectly okay for a guy to run off on a pregnant woman.
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A
male
reader, tamperingtampaguy +, writes (17 August 2012):
Don't do it my friend. You will only look like a chump. This lady is bad people. She will say and do whatever because she needs you. She will probably cheat again. Consider youself lucky and move on and find a better lady. You wont regret it . Getting pregnant actually exposed this POS for who she is. Your decision should be easy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2012): There are tens of millions of kids in America who need a father. If you are looking to pick out a random kid to take responsibility for, there are lots of more trustworthy single mothers out there than this one.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 August 2012):
 This is a really tough one, on the one hand this girl has betrayed you, dis-respected you by whoring herself out for the sake of her career, and now she is trying to get you to raise another man's baby, when you dont even want kids.
On the other hand it is not the child's fault that its mother is too stupid to use contraception, and that its real father has died - and you have the opportunity here to do something wonderful and raise a child, giving it a future. If you leave her the child will have no future and will be looked after by a glorified prostitute, drug addicts and alcoholics. Not really an ideal life for a child now is it!
I think this boils down to this question - how do you feel about your girlfriend now? Do you still love her and 100% trust her, despite her cheating? Do you want a future with her?
If you still love her and really want to be with her then perhaps you could forgive her, and give this child a future. I'm not saying this isnt going to be hard, and you will be making huge sacrifices for another man's child, but that would be an amazing thing for you to do for this child. But you would need to be 100% certain that you want to be with this girl for the long run, that you see yourself staying with her forever and are ready to commit to being with her. This child has already lost one father, so if you are going to be in its life then he/she cant afford to lose you too.
Alternatively if you are 100% sure you dont want kids, and your feelings for your girlfriend have been damaged by her betrayal then it is best to leave her now, before the child is born so no attachment to the child can be formed.
It is 100% your decision, we cannot tell you what to do here. At the end of the day this is your life, and this is a massive decision so you need to think carefully about what you want from life. This is not your child so you have no legal obligation to the child or your girlfriend, this is her mess so she needs to deal with it. You have the opportunity to walk away now and no-one would blame you, what she has done is unforgiveable to most people so she doesnt deserve any sympathy here.
However there is an innocent child without a father, so I can see why you are torn - I think the decision boils down to your commitment to your girlfriend for the future, and whether you can bring yourself to accomodate a child in your life at the moment. If you cant and you want to focus on your career then I dont blame you, this is not your child and not your choice, so you shouldnt have to give up your dreams for a child that is not yours.
Think long and hard about this, think about your future and what you want from life - and make the decision based on that.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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